


I found you in the Summer

by ImportedfromMunich2



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Baseball, Birthday Fluff, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Coming Out, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Domestic Avengers, Feeding, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Gift Giving, Hair-pulling, Hugs, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Masturbation, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oblivious Tony Stark, Panic Attacks, Pining Steve Rogers, Pining Tony, Road Trips, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Shopping, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers's Motorcycle, Texting, Top Tony Stark, Touch-Starved, Travel, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImportedfromMunich2/pseuds/ImportedfromMunich2
Summary: Steve goes on a cross country journey to find himself. Halfway through, he is drawn back to his new home in Stark Tower. Maybe he'll end up learning more about himself around his new friends instead.Tony is there to help him along the way.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 153
Kudos: 305





	1. Moving Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing anything other than school sanctioned papers. To keep my sanity, it'll be mostly a fluffy read with a bit of angst (mostly mental health related) sprinkled in. I'll put a note at the beginning of the chapter if there's anything more serious. I'm ignoring everything after Avengers 1, and pretending Tony and Pepper aren't together, so don't think too hard. I'm estimating about 22 chapters total. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, and in return I'll try to update a couple of chapters every week - sometimes more, sometimes less. I might edit tags as I go.
> 
> Everyone stay safe and read my shit <3

_5-11-12_

"I really can't thank you enough Tony. And again, I'm so sorry for what happened on the helicarrier, it was out of line-"

"And _I_ told _you_ , Cap. About half a dozen times today. Let bygones be bygones and move on. In fact, here's the deal. You'll stay here as long as you want - BUT you can't bring up our little spat ever again under this roof. My roof, my rules and all that. Are we good?"

Steve was ashamed, felt like he needed to reiterate just how sorry he was for the way he'd treated Tony. They had almost come to blows just hours after meeting each other. He had known it wasn't all the scepter, either. After reading SHIELD's file on him, he really didn't give Tony a chance. But, after the fiasco with Loki, Tony had more than proven his worth, and was even kind enough to let the Avengers stay in the tower. Steve was immensely grateful for that, as he didn't feel all that comfortable going back to SHIELD's apartment for him so soon, or at all if he could help it.

Which is why Tony was currently giving Steve the grand tour, finishing it off in the bedroom of his new apartment, just one floor under Tony's own penthouse that was currently getting a new set of windows installed. Seeing how Tony was being so generous and obviously didn't want to talk about their fight, he decided to let it go for now. 

"Alright." Steve relented, "I suppose we're good then." He looked around, noticing how nicely decorated the room was, just like the rest of his apartment, with his own things blending in seamlessly with the new furniture. This bedroom alone seemed to be almost as big as the entire apartment where SHIELD had put him up. "Wow, it looks like all my stuff is already here."

Tony had insisted on having all of Steve's things brought over by a moving company. It was a relief to know his few, but precious belongings would be safe while he went on his cross country trip next month. It seemed like everything in the future, Tony included, moved at lightning speed.

"Of course," Tony waved, as if it was a given. "It's been almost a week, we can't keep taking up the hotel rooms around here when the building contractors need them more." 

Steve thought back, a week seemed like the blink of an eye now. After the battle, while they were eating shawarma, silently watching the shop owners casually sweep up broken glass, Steve had felt utterly hopeless. He thought, at the time, that it would take months, if not years to put Manhattan back together again. But helping the cleaning crews these past few days opened his eyes to just how much had changed in a good way. 

Technology was much more advanced now, everything being so quick and efficient. Thankfully, the 'get-it-done' attitude of New Yorkers seemed just as strong as ever - so even such a short time in, the city was already opening back up.

He also learned from chatting with the construction crew that a large part of it all was thanks to Tony Stark. Not only did Tony fund a lot of the rebuild, he was also constantly emerging from his lab with easier and faster ways to complete the work that Steve thought would be insurmountable just a few days ago.

"Guess you're right." Steve walked over to a nightstand, picking up a phone identical to the one Tony was always tapping away at. "So this is the telephone you were telling me about?" 

"It's a StarkPhone, you can make calls on it, though it does way more than that. But yes, all yours, Cap. Don't think of losing it either - it's not like the ones you can buy just anywhere. Of course, you'll need to learn how to use it before you leave. Play with it for now, Jarvis will let you know if you're about to accidentally post a nude to Twitter or something. I'll teach you the important stuff next week when the rebuild settles down a little."

Steve didn't know what 'posting a nude to Twitter' was, but it sounded like Jarvis would look after him. As nervous as he was about staying with all these people he just met, he was also relieved that he might be able to get some answers about day to day living now, more than he could at SHIELD anyways. Everyone there treated him like he had a 'fragile' sticker on his forehead, and were so secretive to boot.

"Thanks Tony, but you've done so much already. I'm sure I'll be able to manage it." 

Tony rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you could. But there's no harm in asking for help if you need it. Got that?" 

Steve snorted, "Yes, mother." He sat on his new bed, much firmer than his last one, which he appreciated. There was a small ding from Tony's phone.

"That's my queue. Sorry to cut it short, Grandpa. Romanoff and Birdbrain share the floor below yours, Brucie's usually around here somewhere, so ask them or Jarvis if you need anything. You remember how to get to the garage if you need your bike?" 

"Yes Tony, don't worry. I'll settle in. You go keep saving New York." Steve smiled up at the pacing man, tapping away at his phone as always when he suddenly changed course for the door. 

"M'Kay, remember to see me next week about that phone!" Just like that, he was gone. Steve couldn't help but picture Tony as a little tornado, always on the move.

A blue screen popped up in front of him and Steve jumped a little. 

"I apologise, Captain Rogers. It seems Mr. Stark would like to relay some more information to you as he makes his way downstairs." Jarvis said in a remorseful voice. Steve thought he might never get used to the AI, it was a little nerve wracking to suddenly hear a voice or see floating images around the tower without warning. 

Back on the screen, a growing list started forming. A couple new bullet points being added every few seconds. 

_-I forgot to tell you, the movers left some boxes of your stuff in the closet by the bookcase._

_-Don't get the coffee from the cafe across the street. It's crap. I left you the good stuff, or use the cafe on the 2nd floor here._

Steve chuckled as the list grew longer. He figured Tony had met his CEO, Pepper, downstairs and was probably talking to her on the way to wherever they were going, as his list started getting more practical (likely thanks to Pepper) and more ridiculous (probably Tony joking around.) 

_\- Pepper said to go to the SI entrance door if you want a driver, don't use the taxis._

_-Did I show you how to use the ordering system? Just ask J and he'll get it for you. You don't even need to go downstairs, someone from concierge will bring it up and leave it outside your door._

_-I saw your closet by the way. Did SHIELD get you those clothes too? Burn it all, have Nat take you shopping. It's a disservice to the American people, Cap._

_-Pep says I need to leave you alone now, but there's this pizza place on 2nd Ave that you've GOT to try..._

Finally, the notes stopped, so Tony must have gotten to where he was going. It was a lot, but Steve was happy that Howard's son ended up being a decent person after all. He'd really messed up bad by misunderstanding Tony to begin with, so he resolved to try to genuinely make friends with him. Steve flopped back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to take in everything Tony had thrown at him today about the tower and the last week in general. His mind jumped back and forth, and he felt his leg start to bounce. He suddenly really didn't feel like sitting still and jumped up.

"Jarvis? Could you save this list for me? I'll take a look at it later. I think I'll head out for a bit."

"Of course, Captain Rogers. You may ask me to pull it up for you anytime." 

Steve practically jogged downstairs, figuring it would be better to find out if the construction crew outside needed any help, than to sit with his own thoughts.


	2. Shopping & Texting

_5-25-12_

The next few weeks went by pretty quickly. Between helping to rebuild the city and getting acquainted with the tower's new residents, Steve found himself exhausted at the end of every day. He didn't mind though, at least this way he could get some sleep at night. SHIELD kept him busy too - though they weren't putting him on any assignments at the moment, they still wanted him to come into their New York office for strategy meetings and expected him to fill out a mountain of reports regarding the invasion. Frankly, he didn't think his input would make any difference, and felt that his presence at meetings was more for his benefit than theirs, but he took all the work they would give him, if only to keep himself occupied. 

He didn't end up burning any of his clothes, but he did mention to Natasha in passing that Tony thought she might be able to help him update his closet. What he didn't expect was for her to be so immediately thrilled to be "finally able to get you out of those old man clothes, Steve" then for her to whisk him and Clint away for an entire day of shopping. Steve was overwhelmed at the number of mall stores they went through, which were a far cry from the five and ten cent stores from his youth. He didn't particularly like modeling his clothes for Natasha and Clint. They seemed to be enjoying themselves though - taking pictures and laughing when a 'V-neck' (he really hated this shirt) was so tight it almost ripped, so he went along with it to see them happy. 

"You know, Stark says we should put you in more blues." Natasha said, without looking up from her phone. 

"Huh?" Steve looked around. He didn't _think_ they'd brought Tony with them. "Where's Tony at?"

"At the office right now. Why?" 

Steve must have looked particularly confused when Natasha looked back up at him, because she finally seemed to understand what the issue was. 

"Oh! Sorry Steve. I guess you haven't learned about texting yet. It's like calling, but you only send words or pictures. Take a look." Natasha offered him her phone. Steve saw a string of messages between herself and 'Tony Stark' labeled clearly at the top. He moved the screen down and saw pictures of himself between messages that included written text and little cartoon illustrations. It seemed straightforward enough, so he made a mental note to ask Jarvis to teach him about texting once they got back home. 

"Looks like he didn't like the dark pants though." Steve handed her phone back, "See? After you sent the photo of the back of the dark ones, he says 'You're killing me' and some yellow crying faces." 

Clint jumped up from where he'd been guarding their pile of clothes. He looked over Nat's shoulder to inspect the message. "Nope!" He grinned, "He _definitely_ likes those. I'm putting them in the 'buy' pile." 

Steve shrugged, Clint liked to mess with everyone in the tower, so he didn't argue.

"Well, since he is insisting on paying for our little outing today," Natasha pushed Clint off her, "He wants us to get out of the mall and into some 'real stores.' We'd better go to Fifth Avenue, though you may want to look away from the price tags when we get there, Steve." 

Steve knew about inflation and just how much prices had changed since the 40's, but still. Even looking at the price tags of the clothes at this mall was making him feel guilty, even if Tony was footing the bill. He couldn't imagine how much more clothes might cost somewhere that Tony Stark - billionaire - considered 'real stores.' 

"No way. We're staying put. I don't need a whole new wardrobe." Steve argued, "Tell Tony that if he wants to pay, he'll have to be okay with the stores at this mall." He thought about it for a second, "Or else....I'll wear the dark pants for a week straight at the tower." He crossed his arms and huffed triumphantly. 

Natasha just laughed, "Oh, don't threaten him with a good time." Steve deflated, he knew rich and famous people were concerned about appearances. He'd assumed that the threat of those weird looking tight pants would surely work. "But fine. I'll tell him to take it easy on you." 

It seemed Tony let them stay after all, because Natasha only made him go to a few more stores for 'accessories' (he didn't know why he would need more than one pair of sunglasses or _so many_ belts) then they were finally free to go. They dropped off all of Steve's bags with the driver from SI, who let them know he would have it all taken to the tower and would be back before they finished their early dinner. While they ate, Natasha and Clint explained how to match his clothes, accessorize and layer. Steve thanked them for spending the day with him. As annoying as the whole ordeal had seemed at the time, he really did appreciate that they took the time to help him with all this. Now he wouldn't need to worry about whether he was sticking out like a sore thumb next time he went out. (But really, who was he kidding? When did he ever go out?)

When they got back to the tower, Steve thanked them again, then made a bee-line straight for his room. He wanted to relax after spending all day in the hustle and bustle of crowds. When he got to his apartment, he found all his new clothes already hung up for him. Disappointed that he wouldn't have the mindless task of arranging his closet to preoccupy himself with, he walked back to his bed and laid back. It wasn't late enough for bed, but he didn't really have anything else to do that day. He asked Jarvis to let him know when Tony was back from work, so he could thank him for the clothes. Minutes passed. Sighing, Steve looked around the still unfamiliar room for something to do. 

On his nightstand, he spotted the phone Tony had given him when they first moved in. Sitting up, he grabbed the phone, looking it over. He'd only used it a few times, when Fury would call him. He would take it to SHIELD meetings, but otherwise it mostly stayed on the nightstand, connected to its charger. 

He was about to ask Jarvis about texting, when the AI made him jump.

"Captain Rogers? Mister Stark has returned for the day and is heading down to his lab." Steve let out a shaky breath. Even after weeks living here, he still wasn't used to Jarvis sometimes. 

"Okay. Thank you Jarvis." Steve suddenly remembered that he promised Tony he would follow up with him about learning how to use his phone. He figured that would include texting. So, putting the phone in his pocket, he made his way down to the basement, where Jarvis informed him Tony's lab was located. 

As he stepped off the elevator into a dimly lit but huge space, he realized he'd never been down here before. There was a huge glass separation right at the entrance, from floor to ceiling. It seemed Jarvis knew he was there, as the keypad on the door beeped from a red to a green light, so Steve was able to open it and walk right in. When he did, he was hit with a smell that reminded him vividly of Erskine's lab. It smelled of oil, metal and a hint of smoke. Tensing up, Steve thought for a moment that it might trigger him into a panic attack, but as he kept looking around and slowly breathed in the air, he was surprised to find that it actually...kind of relaxed him? 

"I'm over here!" Steve heard a muffled Tony calling from the other side of the lab. 

"Yep!" He started to walk over, slowly, trying to take in everything he was seeing. He recognized parts of the armor, but everything else was a mystery to him, like falling into an alien world all over again. It all looked so futuristic, even by 2012 standards. 

Following a concerning hissing noise, he found his way to Tony, who was crouched behind one of his suits in slacks and a black muscle shirt. His jacket and a white work shirt were thrown haphazardly over the chair next to him, so it seemed he'd come here straight after work. 

"Need any help?" Steve offered, half jokingly.

"Grab two of the cooling pipes over on the table" Tony pointed in some general direction as he mumbled through a blue wire currently being chewed through, fumbling with some wires in the leg of his suit. "Bring the welding gun and soldering iron. And two sets of gloves. This system is **going** to stay put whether it wants to or not."

Steve walked over to the table Tony had pointed at and wondered what in the world he was supposed to get in all that mess. Thankfully, Jarvis must have anticipated this, because he pulled up a holoscreen in front of him. It was highlighting what looked like a big complicated-looking hose, a fancy looking pen, the gloves sitting next to it, and two of the wires Tony was currently chewing on. 

He walked back to the suit with what was hopefully the right materials, relieved when Tony grabbed everything, then shoved a set of gloves back into his hands. 

"Put those on, don't look at the light and hold her steady." Tony pulled on what looked to be sunglasses and started to melt the wires with the fancy pen as Steve held the suit's leg in place. 

When some sparks started to fly from the hose that was now spewing fire, Steve tried not to look at the blinding light, focusing on the back of the Ironman suit. There was a panel missing from the back of the armor's thigh. Steve idly wondered how much Tony's ass hurts when he sits in the suit, if there were essentially a bunch of metal and wires under it.

"Great!" After only a few minutes, it seemed Tony was done. "Now let's wait for that to cool down, we can run some tests on it later." He looked up and blinked a few times. It seemed he just now realized that Steve was sitting across from him. "Oh! Uhh...hey Cap." 

"Hey," Steve chuckled. He'd heard that Tony could really get lost in his work, so he wasn't offended. "What'cha working on?" 

"Hm. Nothing exciting really." Tony started to clean his hands on a rag, then tried to straighten out his hair. "Just working with some new materials to make the next Ironman model a little less clunky, but the cooling system is giving me some problems. Not a lot of space in there, you know." He tapped on Ironman's chestplate. "So, what brings you down here? I've gotta tell ya, I've gotten into the habit of working without assistants, especially after Romanoff, but I'd make an exception for you."

"No, no, nothing like that. I wanted to thank you. You know, for the shopping today. Nat and Clint sure had a lot of fun with it." Steve was a little embarrassed now to be taking up Tony's time with this, but he pulled his phone out of his pocket anyways. "And well...I'm a little late on taking up your offer, but you said maybe I could get some help learning this thing? Though, it seems you're busy. I can ask Jarvis for help, really." 

"Of course not! Are you kidding? There's no one better to teach you a Starkphone than a Stark." Tony grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him over to a sofa next to a mostly-clear coffee table. "And wouldn't you know it, my schedule just cleared up." He pulled up a hologram display, typed some things in, and flicked it away before sitting them both down. The Ironman suit was then pulled away by a crane, "See? Off to cool down, then Jarvis is giving it a paint job and now I have all this time to teach you." Tony grinned as he pulled Steve's phone over. 

"Thanks Tony." Again, Steve felt like he was being swept away in a rush, but it was better than sitting in his room alone with his own thoughts, so he didn't mind.

"It's the least I could do, seeing how you finally got yourself some new clothes." Tony said, and Steve outright laughed at that. As if _he_ was doing _Tony_ a favor by getting a bunch of those tight shirts and pants that everyone was wearing nowadays. 

"Heh. Well." Tony muttered as his eyes went wide and the tips of his ears got a little pink as he stared at Steve laughing. Steve pulled himself together, and smiled, encouraging Tony to go on. "So...well what do you know so far?" 

"Sorry. To be honest I've only used it for calling." Steve rubbed the back of his neck. "I did learn how to see my contacts so I can call them without having to punch in their whole phone numbers each time. But that's about it."

"For shame, Cap." Tony wagged his finger at him. "But don't fret. I'll get you connected to the rest of the world in no time. Jarvis? Would you set Steve up with a Stark email and make accounts for a couple major apps - whatever you think he'll like. Set default passwords for now and help him change those once he gets back to his room." 

That sounded like a lot of work, but it seemed Jarvis got it done in just a few seconds, then Tony showing him all sorts of different things he could do on his phone. He knew he could take photos with it, though he'd never tried it, but was fascinated at just how much he could do on the apps Jarvis had added for him. Tony showed him how to search for music, videos, news and even some colorful games he could play on the phone itself. 

"Wow." Steve was blown away by how much a small device like that could do. And it had just been sitting on his nightstand this whole time! "I definitely should have come to you earlier." Steve smiled, then realized why he'd come down here in the first place. "Oh! But i forgot to ask you. Can you teach me about texting too? I saw you were texting Nat and it looks like a really efficient mode of-"

"You saw our texts?!" Tony froze, his face white as a ghost. 

"Well, just a couple," Steve realized that maybe it could have been an invasion of privacy to look through private messages between people. "All I saw were a couple pictures of myself and you said you didn't like my pants. I didn't see anything...er..... incriminating...or embarrassing if that's what you're worried about." 

"That I didn't like your pants?"

"The...the dark ones. You hated them so much you put little crying faces. You were right, they're a little low on the waist, but Barton made us buy them anyways. Don't worry I won't wear them," shit, he was talking about these stupid pants instead of apologizing about breaking his trust. "But really, I'm so sorry Tony. I didn't mean to look. She was just showing me what texting was, honest. Please don't be mad at her, I'm the one who asked!"

Tony got some color back in his face, but his face remained scrunched up in confusion. "Dark....you mean the denim pants." Tony's face lit up, "Oh! Um. No. Don't...don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. There's nothing to hide. It's just...I only asked for pictures so I could make sure they weren't buying you something ridiculous, you know." 

Oh! Poor Tony - he was just concerned about Steve! He must think Steve would be upset about Nat sending photos without his permission. Steve smiled, placing a hand on Tony's, which was resting between them on the couch. 

"Of course Tony." Steve reassured him, but Tony must've still been on edge, because he froze up again at the contact, not taking his eyes off their hands. "I know you're only lookin' out for me."

"Yeah...." Tony breathed. 

It was a long minute before either of them said anything. Steve was starting to think he should try to lighten the mood a bit. He pulled back his hand and Tony's face shot back up at that. 

"Mission failed though," Steve laughed, "They still got me some pretty ridiculous looking stuff. They made me get these 'V-necks'" Steve made an exaggerated V-motion on his chest, getting Tony to smile a bit, "Clint says it's for going to clubs. It's like he's never even met me!" By this time Tony was laughing wholeheartedly, and Steve did a little inner cheer at that. "So are you gonna teach me how to bug Barton with my clubbing pictures or what?"

Much to his relief, they were able to get through the texting lessons, and it seemed Tony was fine after all. He didn't want to mess up this friendship before it had even started. Tony really was very helpful and kind, someone definitely worth making friends with. They sat together late into the evening, and by the time they both started to yawn, Steve felt like he had enough ammo to practice using his phone for pretty much everything he could ever need. 

"Thanks so much Toooooo-" Steve stretched into a big yawn. "Ah. Excuse me. I'm usually not even that sleepy around this time." It was true. Steve had stayed up well past 2 or 3 am most nights since waking up from the ice, often distracting himself from facing his demons until he was exhausted enough to sleep a couple hours. 

"No sweat, Cap." Tony handed Steve his phone back. "I probably fried your brain with all this techno-talk. You should go get some shut-eye." 

"I really owe you one." Steve stood up and raised his arms to pop his back, a little of his skin showing as his shirt rode up.

"It's my...." Tony was about to wave him off when his eyes made it over to Steve, then went blank. "...pleasure." He coughed a bit before straightening up and looking away. "Em. You know. I might've been mistaken. About those pants." 

"You think?"

"Yeah." Tony started fiddling with the hem of his own shirt. "I mean. After some reflection, I think Romanoff had some good fashion sense after all. If anyone can pull it off, it's you." 

"I might give it a try then." Steve beamed. "The pants I mean. Not the clubbing. Not really my style." Tony chuckled a bit at that. "You coming up?"

"Just gonna clean up my station, I'll head up in a few." Tony stood and started making his way back to his work table. "You go on to bed, sleepyhead."

"Alright. Goodnight Tony." 

"Night." Tony didn't look back. Steve wondered just how much 'cleaning' he was going to do, since the whole lab seemed to be in a state of disarray, but maybe it was an organized mess that he just didn't see. 

When he got back to his room, he got ready for bed, changed his passwords like Jarvis had suggested, and climbed under his blankets. He smiled to himself as his eyes dropped shut on their own accord. Today really had been a good day after all. It was the fastest he fell asleep since getting to New York.


	3. Why are we fighting again?

_5-29-12_

May was coming to an end and Steve knew that if he wanted to complete his cross-country trip this year, he'd better get started soon, before fall brought colder weather. He decided to leave in a few days, if SHIELD allowed, so he could really take his time getting to know the U.S. It was something he'd always wanted to do, but never had the opportunity. He'd toured a lot of Europe during the war in his U.S.O days, but it bothered him that he didn't know much of the U.S. outside New York state and the few places the military sent him for work. When he would relax with the troops back during the war, they would tell him about all the different places they were from. He'd heard about the cities affected by the drought and the dust bowl. Some men told him they'd been 'Okies', looking for a new life out west before the war. He was even allowed to perform for the Tuskegee Airmen and other 'tan soldiers' as the radio called them. (Steve really had to fight for those shows, though the USO girls hadn't been allowed to come along. There were people in the army that didn't seem to think their black soldiers needed the encouragement.) In the cover of night, when he snuck out to greet and chat with them, he'd learned about the jazz revolution, as they called it, and the cities where these men had to fight for their rights. 

All in all, Steve figured there were many, many others who'd had a much harder lot in life than he did. So he felt it would do those soldiers justice to go visit these cities, even if it was decades later, to see how the people of America were doing now. There was no use fighting for your country if you didn't even know it or its people. 

Fury was much more understanding than Steve thought he would be. He even said Steve should take his time touring the country, that SHIELD would be here when he got back. It was even a little comforting (and maybe a little scary) when Fury told him that if he was needed for an emergency mission, there would be no problem, as anyone was easy to find these days. So, Steve left SHIELD headquarters with a smile and his vacation time, off to talk to the rest of the Avengers about his leave. 

Surprisingly, that's where he was met with some resistance. Specifically from one billionaire, philanthropist engineer. 

"So why can't you just use my private jets? I've got them in all the major cities you know." 

"It's not about the destination, Tony. I want to see the country and its people. That means getting to know everything _in between_ the major cities too."

"If it's about meeting people, I know all the right people. I'll introduce you to _people_ if that's what you want, Cap. You don't need to leave for months on end to meet **people.** " Tony was pacing at this point, looking a little manic.

Steve shook his head. He wasn't sure where this was coming from. He'd been talking about his trip all last month with everyone in the tower, even getting suggestions about where to go and what to see. Why was Tony so against it now that it was actually happening? Thankfully, the rest of the team was on board with it. 

"Plus, have you even been practicing with your phone? What if you get lost? What if you're in trouble, there's some sketchy people out there who will try to scam you if you're not careful-"

"He knows how to use his phone, Tony. Calm down." Natasha -what a relief - was finally stepping in. "He's been practicing GPS with Jarvis, and besides, he's a big boy - in case you haven't noticed." She winked at Tony, who flinched at that, "And I know you've noticed."

"But...well...." Tony got beet red in the face. Was he really that upset? "Ah! But he isn't used to the paparazzi yet! Or crazy fangirls. And fan _boys."_

"It's not like he's in any danger, Tony." Bruce looked up from his corner, where he had been quietly reading until now. "He's Captain America. Plus, weren't you famous back in the 40's, Steve? I'm sure he's used to it."

"That's right." Steve decided to try to put Tony's worries to rest, as unfounded as they were. "I know how to dodge reporters, Tony. And handsy fans as well." 

"That's not what aunt Pegs said..." Tony mumbled angrily under his breath, but Steve heard it loud and clear, and that really set him off. 

"That's enough!" Steve boomed, loud enough to make everyone, even Bruce, look up in surprise. "I'm a grown man and I've been in this century long enough to know how to take care of myself. I'm not an idiot. You can't stop me from going." He stomped over, right in Tony's face, challenging him to say otherwise.

Tony glared at him, arms crossed and puffing up his chest right back. After a stare-down, Tony finally seemed to have given in. 

"FINE. Have it your way." He picked up his coffee and started to storm out of the room when he turned back around, "But don't plan on taking your bike anywhere today. Or tomorrow. If you insist on taking that _death trap_ then I might as well make sure it won't kill you."

Tony huffed over to the elevator, and as soon as the doors closed, Steve swung around to Natasha. 

"Can you believe him? The nerve, he thinks I'm a caveman!" Steve fumed. 

"That's not it at all Steve." Natasha calmly explained. "He's just worried about you."

"I know that!" He realized now that he was yelling, and took a deep breath. "I know." Another breath to bring his temper back down. "It's just...I can take care of myself. I don't need him baby-ing me like SHIELD did." 

"It's not the same and you know it." She deadpanned. "He doesn't have a lot of friends or family right now, Steve. He wants to take care of those he does have. He doesn't think you're stupid, and he doesn't want anything from you like SHIELD does." 

"He might want _a little_ somethin-somethin." Clint quietly sneered from behind his cereal. Steve wasn't really sure what he meant. Surely Tony wouldn't want anything from him, would he? He thought about it. No. Over the last month, he's gotten to know Tony, everyone at the tower really, and knew they all had each other's backs. 

"No." He deflated, suddenly ashamed of his outburst. "You're right. He just...gets to me sometimes."

"Just let him coddle you. He'll be happy if you just promise to be safe and call once in a while." Natasha pointed out. 

"Sure. I'll talk to him " Steve decided she was right. It would be a shame to leave without setting things right with his new friend.

He gave Tony a little time to cool off. After a while, he went looking for the man, and since Tony said he'd be working on Steve's bike, he headed down to the garage. When he got there though, there was no sign of Tony or his bike anywhere. Figuring Tony must have taken the bike to his lab to work on it, he headed that way instead.

When he got to the lab's entrance though, he found that he couldn't see through the glass panes like last time. He tried to go up to the door to open it, but the light on the panel remained red.

"Jarvis?" Steve wasn't sure why the AI wouldn't open the door. 

"I apologize Captain Rogers." Jarvis responded, "Sir is working and has requested privacy at this time." 

"Oh." Steve thought that working on a bike wouldn't warrant privacy, but it was Tony's home after all, so he had a right to privacy anytime he wanted. Or maybe Tony was still upset with him. "Whenever it's next convenient, could you please let him know that I'd like to see him?" 

"Of course, Captain." 

Well, that was that, he supposed, heading back to his room. He tried to clear his mind by packing, but couldn't focus. It felt...wrong. Like every pair of socks he stuffed in his bag was shoving another rock into the pit of his stomach.

After realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere with his packing today, he decided to go for a walk. His walk eventually turned into a jog, which turned into punching bag after punching bag in the gym. 

Once he tired himself out, he spent the rest of the day moping around, eating and watching TV until he realized the sun had set a long time ago, and there was still no word from Jarvis about Tony. 

"Jarvis?" Steve asked from his couch.

"How may I help you, Captain?"

"Has Tony, you know.." he wasn't sure how to ask, "is...has he had a chance to maybe see me yet?" 

Jarvis took a long pause before answering again. "I'm sorry Captain. It seems Sir has some time sensitive projects that will require his attention all night. I can relay a message, if you'd prefer." 

"No," Steve was more than a little disappointed. "That's okay. Just, I'd like to see him before I leave is all." 

"I understand, sir." 

Steve decided to just go to bed. Tony was getting to him, and he didn't even know why. He didn't like seeing Tony upset, especially not at him. It felt like their fight on the helicarrier all over again. Like they were fighting about nothing, like there was something else they were really trying to say to each other. 

Steve pulled up his blankets and shut his eyes. He'd just have to work it out once Tony was free to see him. He had a fitful sleep that night.


	4. Goodbye, for now

_5-31-12_

Steve woke up late and feeling groggy. He still had a few loose ends to finish up at SHIELD so he started his day by going into the office. He forced on his best (fake) smile and chatted with the few SHIELD staff he ran into, and they all wished him safe travels on his way out. He stopped at a small bistro, grabbing a late lunch. Everyone inside seemed to be in a great mood, strangers chatting and laughing, and the food was fresh and probably delicious, though he wouldn't know, as he didn't really focus on the taste much while eating it. On his way back to the tower, he picked up a couple things for his trip, some toiletries and a small sketch pad and pencils. The employee at the store was kind and helpful, suggesting specific items and waving him off with a warm "have a great day!" as he left. It should have been a nice, leisurely day - one that usually would have left Steve feeling content, happy even. Instead, it felt like he was just moving on autopilot. He wasn't really registering what he was doing, mostly it felt like he was just waiting for the time when he would be tired enough to be able to go back to sleep.

By the time he got back to the tower, it was early evening. He'd managed to spend the whole day not really thinking about anything, but now that he was back, he realized that he needed to finish packing, as he was leaving tomorrow morning. 

When the elevator doors opened on his floor, he noticed a package sitting outside his front door. There was no address, or indication to who it was from or what it was, but he took it inside his apartment anyways. He knew that the mail service at the tower wouldn't drop anything off to him if it wasn't safe. Curious, he opened it right away. Inside were several items, but again, no note that he could find to see who it was from. 

He laid everything out on his kitchen table, and after inspecting everything for a minute, he smiled. 

The biggest item was a black sturdy circular bag - clearly made specifically for his shield. There was a small rectangular block, which upon closer inspection, had the same input that his phone charger did. After a few tries, he found that it was a phone stand, that was charging his phone without being connected to the outlet on the wall. There was a small bag that contained a lot of tools inside, clearly meant to be a roadside repair kit. He didn't recognize what one of the items was, a silver box with a keyhole, but no keys. The last thing he found at the bottom of the package was a wallet containing only a black credit card made out to Steve Rogers. 

He didn't need a note to know that these were all from Tony. It had been a couple days since he'd seen the man, and it was nice to know that Tony seemed to be extending a peace offering. He sat at the table a few more minutes, looking over the manual for the repair kit, when he suddenly jolted up. Crap! This meant that Tony had come by today and Steve had missed him! 

"Jarvis! Is Tony available to see me by any chance?"

Steve waited for Jarvis to answer. It had almost been a full minute, and he was about to ask again, thinking that maybe something was wrong with the AI, when he finally heard back. 

"I'm sorry, Captain. Sir is occupied with work at the moment. He did wish to forward this note to explain the items he dropped off earlier today." Jarvis brought up a hologram note at the table, next to the items in the package. Steve sat back down, his newfound giddy mood fading away again. Was it possible that Tony was avoiding him, and this was his way of sending him off? But he didn't think Tony would be that passive-aggressive, though, he supposed, he didn't know Tony all that well yet to tell.

He was about to start packing everything back up, when the hologram display caught his eye. It was a long note. Longer than it should be considering it wasn't that many items in the package. He started to read through it. 

_"If you lose any of these, I'm coming after you myself Spangles!_

_You'd better be taking your shield with you because I am not babysitting it. Dear old dad didn't leave me custody, so she's all yours. The bag is magnetic - will attach to your bike, and won't fall off even at the crazy speeds you like to drive.  
Your charger will last you at least 6 months before needing to replace the battery. It uses something similar to the arc reactor for energy, so again - DON'T LOSE IT. I don't like the idea of hunting down some punk kids in the midwest if they steal something as mundane as a wireless charger. It's also a portable hotspot. That means you'll have internet everywhere you go - don't worry, I already set it up so it connects automatically to your phone, and your phone only. Just keep it near you. This way you have no excuse not to send pictures of your little adventure.  
Emergency roadside kit - I hope I don't need to explain this one to you, but just in case, I left you a manual because I know how much you love to read.  
Your motorcycle lock is easy to use, just put one of your thumbs over the keyhole and it'll spring open a latch that you can put on your ignition. It locks everything up and an alarm goes off if anyone tries to take it or tries to pick the lock. No, you don't need a key, it'll only open for you.  
The wallet has a tracker in case you misplace it, grandpa. The card is a no limits credit card. Don't tell Clint or he'll throw a fit that he doesn't have one. If you don't use it, I'm going to send Natasha to go find you, because there's no way you'll be using your old man pension to fund this crazy bachelor road trip. If I don't see a charge for at least one strip club on there, I'm going to send you stripper-grams to your apartment every night for a week when you get back. _

_I'll see you before you leave."_

Steve read it over a couple times. Maybe Tony didn't want to see him right now. Or likely, he actually _was_ busy with work and just didn't have time to talk. But whatever the case, at least he knew that Tony really did care. Steve went into his room and finished all his packing that night, before falling into a dreamless sleep. 

_6-1-12_

It was mid-morning already and Steve hadn't seen Tony around yet. When he asked Jarvis as soon as he got up if Tony was available, Jarvis just said that Tony was still working, but again, would see him before he left. Steve had already said his goodbyes to Natasha and Clint before they headed in to SHIELD, and had received a huge farewell breakfast from Bruce before the scientist was off to work in his own lab for the day. Steve had told Jarvis that he would be leaving at noon at the latest, as he wanted to get to the Franklin Institute in Philly at least a couple hours before closing time. 

It was 11:30 when Steve finally decided to go ahead and head down to the garage with his bags. He figured he could always call Tony from the road, and he was feeling restless and really wanted to get a move-on. He was securing the last of his bags when Tony came barreling in through the elevator with something under his arm. 

"Hold up, Cap!" Tony ran over, clearly having not gotten enough - if any - sleep. 

"Hey Tony- whoa!" Steve turned and caught Tony by the elbows as he almost crashed into him. 

"Sorry." Tony pulled back and shoved something big into Steve's extended hands. "I guess I nodded off there at the end, Jarvis was finally able to wake me up but I got it done this morning." 

"Got it....done?" Steve looked down and had a helmet in his hands. It was a simple, but stylish looking motorcycle helmet. All black, except for a small wing on each side, and a mirrored visor in the front. "Is this for me?" 

"Of course it's for you, daredevil." Tony rubbed his eyes and squinted at the bright sunlight. "You know anyone else around here who likes to ride their bike at a hundred miles an hour with absolutely no protection?" 

Steve chuckled. He turned the helmet over in his hands. Had Tony stayed up all night making this for him? He tried it on, and it was a perfect fit. Comfortable and lightweight, but it felt durable. He pulled it off and looked at Tony, who was staring up at him in wonder...or maybe exhaustion. 

"Thank you Tony. Truly. You've done so much for me." He straightened up and looked Tony straight in the eyes, "I wanted to say that I'm so sorry that I lost my temper with you the other day."

"It's nothing, Cap," Tony looked away, putting his hands in his pockets. "I...I might have said some stuff that I regret and I definitely shouldn't have said. For the record, I don't think you're stupid or anything. I just don't want you to be caught off guard is all."

"I know." Steve smiled, trying to catch Tony's eyes again. "You were just worried. I'm so grateful that you made all this stuff for me," he gestured behind him to his bike and bags. "I'll be ready for anything thanks to you."

"Really, I did it for the children." Tony squirmed a little, still looking anywhere but at Steve. "Could you imagine kids seeing Captain America racing down the road with no helmet on? I know you're a super soldier and all, but you need to set a good example for the kiddos. It has built in speakers, by the way. So you can talk to Jarvis and have him navigate for you hands-free, or listen to music or whatever while you drive. Personally I hate road trips, but I'm sure Jarvis can suggest some stuff for you to listen to. There's these radio shows that-" 

While Tony rambled on, Steve put the helmet down on the bike, and then wrapped Tony up in a big hug to shut him up. Tony froze, eyes wide as Steve pulled him close. 

"I promise I'll be safe. And I'll send you pictures so you know I'm doing fine." Steve thought back to what Natasha had said. Tony was amazing, doing his best to take care of Steve, even when he would be hundreds of miles away, so the least he could do was to assure him that he would take care of himself. 

Tony's hands slowly came out of his pockets and hovered over Steve's waist for a moment, before reluctantly landing instead on his shoulder blades with a light pat. 

Steve felt.... something. Like homesickness. He realized that he hadn't really hugged anyone since coming out of the ice. He couldn't remember the last time he held someone before that, even. He felt Tony squeeze back, finally, and decided to take a small risk. 

"I'll miss you." Steve said, not budging at all. He didn't know if it would be a weird thing to say, seeing how they just met not long ago. But their friendship felt so deep already. Sometimes, it felt like more, complex even, though he didn't know exactly why or how. All he knew was that he was so lucky to have met Howard's son at such a difficult time in his life, and was lucky that in a short amount of time, they were able to get along as if they'd known each other for years.

After a second, he felt Tony relax into him, even move a little closer, resting his chin next to Steve's neck, and heard a tiny whisper. 

"I'll miss you too." 

Steve smiled, pulling back. Tony stood back too, and they both held each other's arms just a second longer before letting go. Steve felt really happy. The happiest he'd felt in a long time, actually. He knew then that he had a lifelong friend in Tony, and no amount of distance would change that. He finally felt ready to see the world, with Tony's blessing. 

"Go get some sleep, would ya? I'm gonna ask Jarvis when I get to Philly and if you're not in bed by then, I'm driving right back." 

"I better put on a pot of coffee then." Tony quipped back. 

Steve laughed, and hopped on his bike, strapping on his helmet as he kicked his bike to life. "See you soon, Stark."

With that, he waved goodbye and drove off, grin stuck on his face, and not looking back.


	5. Interlude

### Tony's POV

_5-4-12_

**RAAAAAAAAAR**

Tony gasped and jolted awake. He felt heavy, terrified, and saw Steve Roger's face staring back at him. For a second, he thought he might be dead, when he heard another roar, and looked around, seeing Hulk and Thor standing around him as well. 

"What the hell" he breathed, and realized he'd made it. Somehow, he was back on solid ground - and alive. "What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

Steve pulled back a bit, relieved. "We won." It was all that needed to be said. But Tony could never leave it at that, especially when he was still running on adrenaline and nervous energy. 

"Alright, yay! Hurray. Good job guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just...take a day." Tony wanted to breathe, wanted to make sure he could keep breathing and couldn't stop himself from talking, at himself and at no one in particular. "Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it." Tony looked over at Steve, who was smiling at him like he'd just made the sun rise. To be fair, he _had_ just saved all their asses. But seeing that smile, Tony's heart started to slow down, and his tense muscles relaxed - he knew that he needed to keep living, if only to see it again.

Before Thor took Loki back to Asgard, Tony had pulled all the Avengers aside, and asked if they wanted to stay at the tower. 

"Well, technically in some hotel rooms for a couple days." He corrected, looking around at the destruction that was once his penthouse. "Just while I tidy up. I figure we might be needed around here, and it would good to be all in one place, don't you think?"

"I agree." Natasha. Sweet, beautiful, frightening Natasha was backing him up. "This way, SHIELD and Thor know exactly where to find us if we're needed." 

Tony might've had some ulterior motives for this peace offering. It had only been a couple hours since he'd flown that nuke into space, and he was still coming to terms with the existence of aliens, weapons beyond anything even his dad had ever thought of, and the destruction of a few blocks of New York City. If he felt slightly safer with a group of superheroes nearby, then that was no one's business but his own. 

To his surprise, everyone agreed. Even Thor was excited to have a place to stay when he came back to visit his 'Midgardian companions.'

"As tacky as this place is," Steve looked over at Tony and smiled, that stunning smile that made Tony's heart skip a beat, and let him know he was just poking fun at him, "It's definitely a step up from SHIELD's apartments. Current mess notwithstanding of course. You sure you won't mind, Tony?" 

"Not at all." And he meant it. "But who taught you the word 'tacky?' You're not using it right. What you _meant_ to say was that this is a marvel of structural ingenuity." He spread his arms out. 

Steve laughed, "Guess it's not so bad from the inside."

Tony was already getting addicted to seeing that smile as much as possible.

_5-11-12_

"Sure, go ahead and give him access to the lab too, I'm pulling up his biometrics now. Don't forget to tell him that he should absolutely avoid taco Tuesdays downstairs, no matter what birdbrain says." Tony was telling Jarvis as he opened the door to his car, Pepper waiting in the backseat for him.

"I thought Bruce moved in last week?" She asked. 

"He did. This is for Captain America. He moved in today." Tony said, without looking up from his phone, where he was currently editing some security code so Steve wouldn't have any trouble coming in and out of the building. "J - tell him I know he wants to go back to see Brooklyn ASAP but he's going to have to wait to go with me. There's no way he's ready for that hellhole without a guide." 

"It's not _that_ bad, Tony." Pepper rolled her eyes, "Tell me, why would Steve Rogers need access to your lab?" 

"In case!" Tony shot her a look. "In case...well what if he needs to find me and I'm down there? You know I'm down there all the time, Pep."

"Yeah, usually _avoiding_ people, not trying to be _found._ " Pepper smiled. "Why don't you tell him something actually useful, like how to catch a ride around town?" 

"Got that J? Tell him that Pepper said to go to the SI entrance door if he wants a driver, don't use the taxis." Tony smiled back. 

"I didn't say all that." Pepper chuckled. She listened and offered a little input here and there as Tony rambled on and on to Jarvis about how Steve Rogers could get situated in the tower and Manhattan in general. After several minutes though, it was obvious he wasn't going to stop. 

"Tony, you should probably leave him alone for a while. He'll get annoyed if you keep sending these messages nonstop." 

"Pep says I need to leave you alone now," Tony looked out the window, "But there's this pizza place on 2nd Ave that you've GOT to try and-"

"You like him, don't you?" 

"What??" Tony jerked up and put his phone down, closing out Jarvis' dictation. "No!" He whined, "He's just new! You know that. What if _you_ woke up 70 years from now and didn't have anyone to help you, Pep? I've gotta at least give him some guidance." 

"SHIELD's had him for months, Tony." She pointed out. "They did a whole program to catch him up, and I'm sure he's learned things along the way." She placed a hand on his phone. "Jarvis can take care of him for now. Why don't you let the man get settled in. I'm sure he'd rather hang out with you in person anyways, instead of a bunch of notes."

"I guess." Tony slouched down. He wasn't so sure about that, but he supposed he could give it a try.

_5-17-12_

He really _was_ trying. But Steve was going non-stop. Pretty much all his free time was spent working with the construction crews to get Manhattan back in order. He'd stop here and there to chat with the team on his way out, but Tony wondered if he'd taken any time since Loki's encounter to just relax.

One dreary afternoon, a week after Steve moved in, Tony decided to go watch some TV in the communal living room. By some miracle, there were no meetings scheduled for that day, so he didn't need to hide out in his lab, and wanted to enjoy the new surround sound he'd installed just a few days ago. Just as he sunk into the couch cushions, he got a text from Pepper. 

_You owe me, make the most of it! ;)_

Huh? He was about to text back, asking what on Earth she was taking about, when Steve walked into the room. 

"Oh. Hey." Tony looked up at him. It was only 2pm, usually Steve was out until late in the afternoon, working under floodlights with the rest of the relief crew. "Did the boy scouts let out early?" 

Steve shrugged. "Guess it was raining too much for them to keep going." They both looked out the window. Sure, it was raining, but it wasn't exactly a storm or anything. "Foreman said the rest of the day was shot, and to come back tomorrow." 

"That's weird." Tony knew usually the crew would just relocate to an indoor project if that was the case. 

"Yeah. I was gonna see if the subway team needed any help, but I ran into Miss Potts on the way over." Tony's senses honed in on that. "She's a real nice lady. We met and she told me about some of the stuff SI does, and before I knew it I was back inside the tower. Guess she likes to walk and talk, I didn't even notice." He laughed at himself. "Anyways, she ordered me to take the rest of the afternoon off, and...I don't know her very well but my survival instincts told me it would be dangerous to say no." 

Tony made a mental note to find out how much it would cost to buy the entire 2012 Jimmy Choo collection for Pepper. Of course she would upend an entire construction project for half a day just to give Tony some time with Steve. He felt a little guilty, but knew that Pepper wouldn't let the crew go home without a luxurious and well deserved dinner first. 

"Smart man. Well, contrary to popular belief, even Captain America couldn't build Rome in a day. Why don't you take a load off and watch some motion pictures with me?" He moved over, making room on the couch and patted the cushion next to his. 

"I know what a TV is, Tony." Steve shook his head, but walked over and sat down anyways. "It's weird though. The TV's here are different than the ones at my old SHIELD apartment. I can't figure out how to switch channels." 

" _Channels??_ " Tony grabbed the remote from next to him. "Absolutely unforgivable. To make you use _channels_ , what, they couldn't at least spring for Netflix? Are those heathens at SHIELD trying to catch you up one decade at a time, or what?"

Steve laughed, throaty and loud. Tony beamed. He'd made Steve laugh. It was such an exhilarating feeling, to see his childhood hero like this, because of him. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about Tony." Steve was still chuckling, "But you're right. Those SHIELD orientations were so slow, I thought I would die of old age before we got to the 2012 portion of it." He poked Tony in the shoulder. "So why don't you educate me." 

Tony felt himself flush, and turned back to the TV, trying to keep cool. "Gladly." 

That's how they spent that afternoon. Tony showed Steve the wonders of online streaming services, and how to have Jarvis pull up anything he wanted to watch. 

They laughed and talked, and at the end of the night, after they'd ordered takeout to eat while watching world class cooks duke it out on Iron Chef, Steve made Tony promise to come back tomorrow so they could watch the end of that season, he really wanted to know who would win. Tony huffed a _fine_ , as if he wasn't giddy with excitement at the thought of getting to hang out with Steve again.

_5-18-12_

The next day, Tony was laying down on the couch, waiting for Steve to come back from showering. Natasha walked in with a hot mug and eyed Tony, until he looked up at her. 

"You don't have to worry." She said as she sat in the loveseat on the other side of the table. "No one's gonna take your boyfriend's spot." 

"My _what?_ " Tony scrambled to sit upright. "That's not what I was... It's not like I'm saving a seat or anything. I was just tired." 

"Mhm." Natasha smiled. 

"Cap can sit wherever he wants!" Tony wondered if it was that obvious that he had sort of a small tiny little crush on the supersoldier.

"I won't tell him, Stark." Natasha winked from behind her tea. 

Tony was about to argue when Natasha coughed a little, and her eyebrows shot up at him. 

"Hey guys! Nat, are you joining us? We're watching the finale of Iron Chef today!" Steve walked in, oblivious to the tension in the room, and sat right next to Tony. 

"No thank you. Think I'll leave you boys to it. I'm heading in early." Natasha pointedly locked her eyes on Tony. Well, he was done for. She knew, and there was no point trying to deny it from her. 

"Well have a good night!" Steve settled back and put his arms on either side of him, behind the couch. Tony could practically feel the heat radiating next to him, it seemed closer than usual. He wished one of those strong arms would slide up and over him. Wondered how good all that muscle would feel around his shoulders. He could smell Steve's body wash, it was warm and inviting. He must have zoned out, because next thing he knew, Natasha's face was right in front of his.

"I said, goodnight Tony." Natasha smiled.

"Uhm. Yeah." He spurted out. "Night."

As he settled in, his phone buzzed again and he looked down. 

_Try not to drool on him, tiger._

It was Natasha. Tony shifted a little so Steve wouldn't see the conversation, and texted back. 

_I hate you._

_5-25-12_

Natasha was currently torturing Tony as he sat in a meeting room. She wouldn't stop sending delicious photos of Steve in clothes that looked like they were painted on his skin. Since this whole 'get Steve's wardrobe updated' operation had been his idea, Tony sent a over few suggestions.

He tried to pay attention to the meeting, putting his phone on silent, though he couldn't help but peek every couple of minutes. One particular photo, a stunning view of Steve's firm ass in tight dark denim, was enough to make him whimper. Pepper shot him a glare, and he quickly texted back, hoping Natasha would show him some mercy.

_You're killing me_ 😭😭 

When Pepper turned back around to keep talking to the other board members, Tony started texting back furiously. 

_It's all on me. But why are you all at what looks like a JCPenney? Get out of there and take him to some real stores._

As they kept texting back and forth, Tony wondered if he could convince the soldier to give him a private fashion show tonight.

The fashion show didn't happen. Although, the night wasn't a complete waste. Actually, it ended up being nice. Really nice. 

It turned out that Tony really hadn't been giving Steve enough credit. It didn't occur to him before that Steve was more than just handsome, strong and a skilled tactician. He was actually really smart too, and a quick learner. Tony was walking him through his Starkphone, and Steve was diligently keeping up and asking all the right questions. It was no wonder he'd become tired of SHIELD's orientations so quickly.

By the end of the night, Tony couldn't help but pat himself on the back. He'd done such a good job of being a teacher. Had stayed focused, and Steve was now probably better at using his phone than most middle aged moms. Tony was internally congratulating himself, when Steve got up and stretched, his shirt riding up a good few inches. 

All of Tony's brains flew out the window. He stared at the V of muscle peeking out right above Steve's hips, and had to use every ounce of willpower to stop himself from finding out what it tasted like under his tongue. 

Somehow, he got through some semblance of a conversation, until Steve asked if he was coming upstairs. Tony decided that he needed to stay in the lab. Steve was such a good person, nice, kind and had trusted so much in Tony. He opened himself up to be friends, and had even come to Tony for help, without fear of being ridiculed. 

So as they said their goodnights, Tony stood at his workbench and tried to organize as he mulled over his thoughts. 

Steve didn't deserve to be objectified, or drooled over. As much as Tony hated to admit it, his purely aesthetic crush was maybe beginning to develop into something more. 

He shook this thought away. No. He really couldn't go and fall for the guy. Straight as an arrow Steve? Not a chance. He sighed as he walked over and flopped back on the couch. 

Well. If he couldn't have Steve like that, then at least he could try to be a good person and be a genuine friend for him. 

"Sir?" Jarvis spoke, "I just thought you'd like to know that all of Captain Roger's passwords have been updated and saved. He would like for me to relay a thank you once again for your assistance." 

Tony threw an arm over his face. "Thanks, J." Well, if anything, at least he knew Steve was set to face the 21st century.

_5-29-12_

Steve was NOT ready to face the 21st century. 

At least, that's what Tony kept telling himself as he lugged Steve's bike into his lab and initiated lockdown mode. 

"No one in J, not unless there's an emergency." 

As Tony worked on the bike, he kept mumbling all the reasons Steve just wasn't ready to leave yet to Dummy. 

"What if there's a scam artist who figures out who he is? He isn't exactly the stealthy type." He waved his screwdriver in the air. "Someone is bound to take advantage of him. He's so trusting! He'll probably think every American he meets is a 'swell fellow' and recites the national anthem before bed."

Soon, Jarvis let him know that Steve was at the door, requesting permission to enter. Tony denied access. He didn't want to argue right now. Steve obviously didn't know what was best for him, so Tony would just have to work even harder to make sure he was safe while he was out gallivanting across the country. 

As the hours passed, and Tony worked on all of Steve's essentials, his anger lost steam. Rhodey and Pepper tried to reach him, but he ignored those calls too, letting them know through Jarvis that he was fine and would call back. He kept trying to convince himself that he was just looking out for someone who didn't have a lot of experience in this century. But the quiet walls of the lab wouldn't truly believe that. He knew Steve could take care of himself. That's not what this was about.

It was almost midnight when Jarvis spoke up again. 

"Sir? Captain Rogers is once again inquiring if he is able to meet with you."

Tony thought about it. He knew what this was about, and he wouldn't be able to run from it any longer. He really did like Steve. More than just a crush. But this was too much, too fast, and Steve was too straight. It would probably be better off for Steve to leave for a while, see the country, and leave Tony to work through his feelings and let them go. Tonight though, tonight he couldn't imagine himself looking Steve in the eyes and trying to explain himself. 

"Sir?" Jarvis prompted.

"Tell him I'm busy, J."

He already knew what he was afraid of. The real reason he didn't want Steve to leave. They'd just gotten to know each other, just started a blossoming friendship. What if Steve left, and things were different when he got back? What if it was weird, what if he forgot about Tony? What if he met some great gal in some faraway city, and moved to start a new life? 

That was his business then. Tony would need to be a true friend about it, and that meant getting these travel essentials to Steve before he left. Tony pulled out his screwdriver, and got back to work. So much for a happy birthday.

_6-1-12_

_Please don't go. Please don't go. Please don't go._

Tony thought, as he hugged Steve back. He had been trying to come to terms with this whole 'just friends' rule he'd set for himself, when Steve went and did something like this. He was promising Tony he'd be safe. 

The real kicker was when Steve - amidst this wonderful, if not confusing hug - said he would miss him. This was...unprecedented. Tony let himself feel some hope. He croaked back, trying to hide his welling emotions. 

"I'll miss you too." 

After they pulled apart, Tony was grateful that Steve didn't look back while he rode off. With moist eyes, Tony clutched the reactor in his chest tightly. Maybe Steve won't forget about him after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, our little baby's birthday is on May 29th. More coming soon. Everyone stay safe <3


	6. Travel

_  
6-1-12 : Philadelphia, PA_

_S: Jarvis says you're in bed but on your phone. Go to sleep._

_T: So that means you're coming back, right?_

__

__

_S: Ha ha. Go to sleep._

Steve looked up at the Liberty Bell in front of him and snapped a picture. After a minute, he figured out how to send it to Tony. 

_  
T: Very fitting. Have a good time 🙂_

_S: Thanks. Sleep._

__

__

_T: zzz_

_  
_

###### 

_  
6-4-12 : Washington D.C._

The last few days had been a whirlwind. There was so much history to see in the big cities, Steve wanted to stop at every museum and landmark he could find. He resolved that after D.C. he would try to start talking to people. So far, he'd been keeping to himself, easily getting lost in the crowds without being recognized. It was nice to be able to move at his own pace, anonymous, only stopping whenever he wanted to get a hotel for the night. But the whole reason for the trip was to get to know the American people, get to know his country all over again, and learn where he fit in. So after today, he would be making more stops in small towns, trying to stay off the beaten path.

When SHIELD first told him a black man was president, Steve couldn't believe it. He knew then that he was proud to keep protecting this country, even if he'd already died once for it. Today, he was buzzing with excitement as he toured the National Mall, the White House being his final stop. He knew all he would have to do was call Tony, or Fury, or hell even just walk up to the front door with his hat off, and he could likely get an audience with the president. As tempting as that was, he didn't want to abuse his stardom, so instead he snapped a photo from outside the gates and sent it to Tony. 

He quickly got a response. 

_  
T: You there to take your throne, Mr. America?_

_S: I'd hardly qualify. I'm not even 35 yet._

_T: Oh, you don't need to lie about your age grandpa. You look really good for a 90 year old 😉  
_

Steve chuckled as he put his phone away. He saluted the soldiers at the gate and made his way back to his hotel. Tomorrow would be a fresh start.

_  
6-15-12 : New Orleans, LA_

Was it weird to take a picture of your coffee? The last few weeks before arriving here, Steve had been eating pretty much exclusively at mom-and-pop diners in small towns. But he thought back to the restaurants in big cities. He could have sworn people had been taking photos of their food and drinks, so it couldn't be that odd right? He looked around him now, and sure enough, there were a group of teenagers all aiming their phones at their meals. Certain it was a normal thing to do, he snapped a photo and sent it to Tony.

_  
S: This coffee is amazing. Think you'd like it.  
S: They have these great beignets too. Not like the ones in France, but really good.  
_

Steve put his phone away. It was still very early in the morning and it was a sure bet that Tony wasn't up yet. He'd been texting photos of his trip to Tony every couple of days. At first, it was just to keep him updated, so he'd know he was safe. But now, he would look forward to talking to someone he knew, even if it was only a couple texts.

He'd only just arrived to New Orleans yesterday, falling in love with the city right away. It wasn't his usual scene, but everyone was so friendly and willing to talk to him. The streets featured parades, colorful flags and fun, albeit drunk, party-goers. Deciding to spend the weekend here, he finished his breakfast and left the crowded cafe to head out to the docks nearby to see if anyone was willing to chat with him this morning. He wanted to find a jazz club in town. He'd never actually been to one, but remembered swing was popular before the war. 

It was mid afternoon, while he was sketching the buildings in the French Quarter, that he finally heard back from Tony. 

_  
T: Did you seriously go to Cafe Du Monde without me?? I'm hurt, Cap.  
T: You know I'd fly anywhere for donuts and coffee!  
_

Would Tony really fly out to halfway across the states just for some breakfast? Steve wondered; as much as he loved the freedom of the open road, it would be nice to see a familiar face. Lord knows those were hard to come by in his position. Deciding that Tony must be exaggerating, he send back a text. 

_  
S: :) Sorry, I'll let you know next time then, if you ever get up before noon._

_T: Rude! You better!  
_

Steve smiled and packed up his things. He'd met a few guys earlier that day at a nearby port and was meeting them for dinner before they promised to take him to the best jazz club in town, and he was looking forward to it.

_  
6-18-12 : Terrell, TX_

Right outside Dallas, but exhausted from his long drive today, Steve decided it was time to pack it in for the night. He pulled off into a small inn that thankfully had no wait. With eyes half lidded, he opened the door to his room and all but collapsed face-first into the bed. Right before floating away in slumber, he heard his phone go off. 

Curiosity got the best of him, since it was unlikely that anyone would text him unsolicited. It was a photo message from Tony. That was odd, seeing how Steve was usually the one sending him photos. 

An ache ran through his chest when he opened it. It was a photo of Tony, smiling wide. Next to him were Clint and Natasha with pointed party hats on, in the middle of laughing. In the back, Bruce and even Thor were seen digging their forks into an entire cake, probably unaware Tony was even taking a picture. 

__

_T: Clint and Nat's birthday party!  
T: It would be better if we'd gotten some cake, but you see the culprits back there _

__

The room was suddenly way too small. Steve remembered the last time he was aware of the feeling of immense loneliness. It was right when he'd moved in to his old apartment after SHIELD defrosted him. He was still coming to terms with everything at the time, and was distraught that everyone he knew was dead. He did get to know the SHIELD staff pretty quickly, but it was a rough start to be sure. 

Pushing this feeling aside, Steve responded, not wanting to worry Tony. 

__

_S: I thought you were kidding when you called them twins. I didn't realize they actually shared a birthday._

_T: They probably don't. But seeing how we don't know Nat's actual birth date, we decided Clint could share his._

_S: That's awful nice of him. Looks like you guys are having a fun time._

__

Steve stared at his phone screen for a long time. Tony was probably back to the party, so it was unfair of Steve to expect for him to respond right away, if at all. He held up the photo and looked at it until the screen dimmed, then turned off entirely. Maybe it was a mistake to leave? He was still fairly new to this century, was he losing the first real friends he'd made here? His thoughts started to spiral, maybe he should go back. Maybe it wasn't too late. 

He was caught off guard when the phone dinged and lit up again. Surprised, his grip on it slipped and the phone fell like a brick and smacked him right in the face. 

"Ow." He said to himself, rubbing his nose. This interrupted his rut, and when he opened the new message from Tony, he couldn't help but smile wide. 

_  
T: Not as fun without a certain star spangled superhero around  
T: Wish you were here  
_

Steve was so elated. Quickly, he texted back. 

__

_S: Don't want to keep you from the party.  
S: But I miss you guys too._

__

He placed his phone on the charging stand and rolled back over into bed. He tried to get comfortable, finally settling down when he grabbed the second pillow next to him and hugged it against his chest. Nuzzling his face into the pillow, it smelled clean and fresh, and he thought back to the day he left. He'd initially hugged Tony as a way to reassure him that all would be fine while he was gone. But Tony had hugged him back. It felt so nice at the time, and Steve didn't realize until now how much he missed that human touch. As he dozed off, he wondered if it would be okay to ask for another hug when he got back.

_  
6-29-12 : Flagstaff, AZ_

Texas and most of New Mexico had been mostly flat land, so it was exciting to be surrounded by mountains now. Stopping near some interesting looking cliffs, Steve pulled out his phone to take a picture. 

He remembered back to that photo Tony had sent of himself and the other Avengers. Steve hadn't tried to take a photo of himself yet, though he supposed he could just ask someone to do it for him. However, there was no one in sight right now, so he turned the phone around and attempted a few shots. They weren't coming out the way he wanted, when Jarvis chimed up. 

"Sir?" 

Steve jumped and dropped his phone. Thankfully it landed in a patch of grass, so he picked it up and dusted it off. He was trying to get used to Jarvis. The AI would often help him navigate, and would answer Steve's inquiries for suggestions and recommendations. But when Jarvis spoke unprovoked, it was a little jarring. 

"I apologize for startling you Captain. I just noticed that you are attempting to take a photo of yourself. Might I suggest you try the selfie mode of your camera?" 

"Selfie mode?" Steve looked down at his screen. "What's that?" 

Jarvis instructed him to press a button, then the screen, which had previously been showing his shoes on the dirt, was now showing his face. He was then able to get a good picture to send to Tony. 

A few minutes later, he got a text back. 

_  
T: You look really happy.  
T: I'm glad :)  
_

Steve thought about it for a second. Yeah. He supposed he was happy. Though lately, it was getting hard to sleep at night again. He'd lay out under the stars sometimes, wondering if he'd ever feel at home anywhere again. Even when he'd visited Brooklyn before Loki's attack, he had felt like a tourist in his own hometown.

He put his phone back up, and continued his trek, feeling a little heavier than when he'd set off that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love me some comments! <3 share your thoughts if you liked! Or didn't like 😅


	7. Bad day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Steve has an anxiety attack.  
> I'm not a doctor or expert in mental health. I am only writing based on my own personal experiences. If you feel anxious, depressed or panicked, please do not take any of my work as advice and seek professional guidance instead.  
> Sending love <3

_7-4-12 - Grand Canyon West, AZ_

It was while overlooking the majestic Grand Canyon that Steve's phone started to ring.

At first, he didn't even recognize it was him. There were a few tourists around, so he thought it might be one of them. But after a few seconds, he realized that he hadn't heard his own ringtone in over a month! Not even glancing at who was calling, he quickly picked up.

"Hello?" 

"Happy birthday, Capsicle!" 

It was a little weird to hear a familiar voice so suddenly. But he did choke up a bit, he didn't think he'd get any calls today. 

"Thanks, Tony." Steve smiled, not taking his eyes off the sunrise on the other side of the vast canyon. "Isn't it a little early for you?" He looked at his watch, 5:32am. "Or are you still up from last night?"

"I'll plead the fifth. So where you at today?" 

"Let me show you." Steve pulled his phone back to send a picture, and heard Tony's phone buzz on the other end when he got back on the call. 

"Grand Canyon. Not a bad way to spend a birthday. Are you planning on spending your night in Sin City?" 

"Nah." Steve sighed. "Think I'll stay the night, I want to see Hoover Dam tomorrow."

The real reason he was here was a little... embarrassing. In reality, he was looking to get away from the fireworks tonight. Jarvis said they were banned in the park, so he'd carefully timed his days to bring him here today. 

"Well, I'm sure you'll have a good time anyways. It's a beautiful place to be." Tony replied. 

"Yeah," Steve looked around him, seeing the vastness of the earth, formations far greater and older than him or anyone else that had ever lived. "It is." He agreed, it was beautiful. But in a way, it also made him feel very, very small and alone.

He made Tony promise to get some rest before ending the call and starting his hike for the day. As the day progressed, he received a couple more calls, one from Nat and Clint, and one from Bruce, all wishing him a happy birthday. He even got a text from Fury that included a little cake emoji. 

It was nice of them, to think of him today. But for some reason, getting those calls just made him feel lonelier. This was the first birthday without Bucky. Without the Howling Commandos and Peggy. In fact, it was the first birthday where he would be all alone, in a strange new world. 

Steve shook his head, trying to bring himself out of this funk. After hours of walking, the day just seemed to go on too long, so he decided to walk back to his bike, and find a nearby town to stay at, somewhere he could maybe have dinner surrounded by other people, even if they were strangers.

45 minutes outside the park, he found a small town with a motel and diner. Thankfully, a lot of families were eating out tonight, so Steve was able to dial down his anxiety a bit by just listening to the mundane conversations around him while he ate a much lighter meal than usual. 

He listened; A few teenage boys talked about driving out to the city to see a movie tonight. Parents telling their toddler that they would order a slice of Sunshine lemon pie if he ate just one more bite of carrots. An elderly couple video chatting with their daughter. It all seemed so normal, and after Steve finished his meal and paid, he sat a few minutes at his booth just breathing. In and out. 

He felt so odd today. He wasn't sure what set it off, if anything. He just didn't seem to feel comfortable sitting still, but was filled with nervous energy when on the move too. Felt like he needed to talk to someone, and shut everyone out at the same time.

It was still mid afternoon, but he decided he needed to sleep this off. Tomorrow, he would wake up and feel better. So he checked into the first dingy motel he found, set his phone to charge on the stand, and covered himself up in all the blankets he could find in the room.

A bomb went off, shaking everything around him, and the supersoldier bolted up, grabbing his shield, his eyes scanning the darkness for his enemy. Tense seconds passed. Just as he was about to breathe in again, another explosion shook him. He saw furniture, and bags.

This wasn't a battlefield. He was in a room. What was this room? Had he been here before? He heard another faraway pop and bang, and saw colorful lights scattered on the wall. Swinging around to the window, he caught the last of the lights fading in the sky through the blinds. Fuck. Fireworks. 

The shield rattled as he set it down on a table.  
'I'm okay' He thought to himself. 'I'm okay. There's no danger. It's just fireworks.' He thought, being this far out, that he wouldn't have to deal with them today. But he was wrong. 'You were wrong. You should've known. Even small towns have em' now. You should'a camped out in the park. Or gone to a big city hotel, there you wouldn't've heard them. You should'a stayed in New York, with your friends. You wouldn't have even heard the room next door there.' He was losing his grip. 'Get it together. Breathe. It's nothing. It can't hurt-' 

Another pop and bang. He lost his thoughts and sunk down to the floor, shielding his face. He tried to take deep breaths, but they were ragged and he couldn't stop shaking long enough to really focus his eyes on anything. His heart was racing, and he was burning up. Why was this happening? Was he in danger? He didn't know, but his body felt like it was. He couldn't move. Where was his fight or flight instinct?

Far away, someone was trying to talk to him. But they sounded robotic. It didn't sound real. He couldn't make out what they were saying. 

"Stop! I don't- I can't-" This new world, he didn't know anyone. Bucky wouldn't shake his hair and punch his arm in a playful way ever again. He'd never get another letter from Peggy. He wished Bucky was here. He wished his ma was here. Someone he knew. Anyone familiar. Now he was freezing cold. He was so cold, for so long. Why am I here? Why me? Why is this happening-

"Stevie?"

Steve gasped a long breath. A voice. This one he could understand. His vision, which was blurry and dark a second ago, began to focus on a light nearby. 

"Can you hear me?" 

Steve jerked his head up and down. But what if they couldn't see him? It was so dark. He tried to say something, but he couldn't get the words out. What if they couldn't hear him and they left him all alone again?

"Shhh. It's okay, Stevie, it's okay. You don't have to say anything."

That was a huge relief. He wouldn't have to talk. He was still terrified and paralyzed, but at least he had something to focus on now.

"Just try and breathe, Stevie. That's it. Big breaths. You're doing great, honey. Just think about baseball. Remember how many runs the Dodgers scored when you went to see em' last?"

Baseball? The Dodgers? The change in pace was so sudden, but he thought back anyways. It was hard to think, he remembered a grand slam, but everything was still a jumble, and his thoughts kept racing.

"It's been a tough season for them, but I think they'll bounce back. Good, Stevie. Good job. The Mets were giving them a run for their money for a while there. Thankfully Cincinnati gave em a break. That's it, you're doing great."

He was breathing again. He noticed his hands, they were shaking. He was on the floor. The carpet felt rough under him. He heard more popping outside, but it sounded far away. Not like the voice that was here with him now.

"There you go. Good job, Stevie. Just keep breathing for a bit. Just focus on me, okay?" 

"T....T'ny?" Steve was hoarse for some reason. His throat was as dry as a desert, but focusing on that sensation helped, somehow, even if it hurt a little.

"That's right, Steve. It's me. Tony. Take your time, hun. There's no rush." 

Steve just kept sitting and breathing. Seconds or minutes or longer passed. All he heard was his own breath mixing in with Tony's. Why could he hear Tony's breath? 

"Tony..."

"Yeah. Right here."

"Hear...you." He took a long breath in, and out. He opened his eyes, not sure when exactly he'd closed them. He saw the light again. The little light he'd seen earlier, it was his phone on the stand. 

"That's right. I'm video calling you. You can see me on the screen, if you want. And I'll be able to see you, if you want." 

"Mhm..." Tony's voice was so soft and nice. Steve wasn't really sure if Tony was asking him for something. But he wanted to keep hearing him talk. 

"Do you want to get on the bed now, Steve? You'll feel better there. That way I can see you, make sure you're okay.'' 

Steve tried to move. His legs were still a little shaky, but he managed to get up far enough to reach up and place one hand on the bed. 

"That's good. Move slowly. Just wiggle your fingers and toes first if you want. Just so you feel em'." 

Steve did that. It helped. It was easier to move his legs, and soon he found his way to the bed. The covers were strewn all over, he grabbed the closest one and draped it on his shoulders, sitting, facing the phone. He opened his eyes again (when did he keep closing them?) and saw a worried looking Tony on his screen.

"Jarvis says there's water here next to the phone. Wanna drink some for me, honey?" 

Steve didn't really want to. But Tony was making him feel better, so he did it anyways. He took a little sip from the bottle, coughing when it hit his dry throat, then another little sip. It helped his head hurt less, when did his head start hurting? He finished the bottle and looked at the phone again. 

"Think I feel better now." 

"That's great, Steve. That's so great. How about you lay down and get some rest, hm?" 

"Nnn.." Steve shook his head. He didn't want to be alone again. If he went to bed, Tony would be gone, and he'd be scared and alone again. He didn't realize it, but he started to breathe faster again. 

"Okay, okay. Don't worry Stevie. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I'll stay on the phone with you. You should sleep, but I'll stay on the phone okay?" 

Steve opened his eyes again. Wasn't sure exactly why he kept closing them shut. His jaw felt sore, and he realized his whole body had gone tense. He consciously relaxed his jaw, then his eyes, his shoulders, and hands. 

"You'll stay on the phone?" He whispered.

"Yeah. I'm just working on some SI stuff right now. I'll talk while I work, so you know I'm here. You know I do that all the time anyways." He winked at Steve. Steve tried to smile back, but ended up just grimacing and shivering a little. 

"Thank you." 

"Of course, Steve. Grab some more of those blankets and lay down, will ya? You can still see me right?" 

He could. He got comfortable on his side, he could only see Tony's face on the screen, Jarvis probably just had a screen in front of Tony while he worked. But it was exactly what he needed. 

"Yeah. I see you." 

"Okay. Sorry for the ugly mug. Been trying to scale some reactor batteries down in size again, but it's hard when you have to try to make them on a budget for your cheapskate investors, you know? I'm on the clock, so no time for my fancy bubble baths." 

_Not ugly,_ Steve thought, and got a little chuckle out at that, which made Tony smile. Steve felt okay now, actually he felt exhausted. Like he'd just finished running a marathon before the serum, so he decided to let his drooping eyes fall down.

"I swear, these people, Steve. Thank your lucky stars you never have to meet 'em. You know they're the reason I have a separate SI entrance at the tower right? God, imagine if they ran into YOU? Let's just say, I'm sure you'd rather go mano-a-mano with our friend Loki again than spend 5 minutes at a luncheon with these people."

It's like it was just him and Tony, now. That was enough. More than enough. He let himself fall asleep listening to Tony's voice.


	8. Sin City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little NSFW in this chapter.

_7-5-12_

Steve woke up to a knock at the door. 

He quickly sat up, and then felt light-headed and clutched his temples for a second. 

"Just a minute." He croaked out, waiting for the pain to pass, and then opened his eyes slowly to the bright room, thin curtains and half open blinds doing almost nothing against the Arizona sun. He walked to the door and opened just an inch to see who was there.

"Mister Rogers? Are you okay?" A small woman was on the other side of the door, with a cleaning cart behind her. 

"Yes?" Steve hadn't fully woken up yet, so the question seemed strange. He opened the door all the way, hoping she would elaborate. It was quite a sight to see a disheveled Captain America in pajamas. 

"I'm sorry to wake you. It's just that your checkout was at 11 and it's almost noon now, so the front desk wanted me to come check on you." 

"Oh!" Steve looked at his watch, 11:55am. Shit, he never slept in that long. "I'm so sorry, I'll get out of your hair right now! Let me just change and pack my things-" 

"Oh it's no trouble, Mister Rogers." The lady smiled. Her name tag said Lauren. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay. Please, take your time. We aren't busy today, so there's no rush." 

"Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate it." He smiled and waved as she left. Closing the door behind him, he let out a long sigh. How did he sleep in so late? 

Just then, all the events from last night came rushing back to him. He'd been anxious all day yesterday, and then woke up at some point last night to fireworks. He remembered being hopelessly terrified, like his life was in danger. Then he remembered Tony. Tony had called, or video called, and talked to him until he wasn't scared anymore. He didn't remember anything after that, probably because he fell asleep. 

Tony. Tony might know what's going on. He didn't seem phased by his episode last night, in fact he seemed to know just what to say to make Steve feel better. Steve quickly jumped in the shower, packed his things and left a huge tip on the nightstand. He stopped by the front desk to apologise once again, then he took his bike and drove for a few minutes, just long enough to pull over somewhere outside town. Then, he called Tony, hoping the man would be up by now. 

"Hey Cap." 

"Tony. Hey." Steve's heart jumped a little at that nickname. His brain helpfully supplied him with memories of last night, Tony sweetly calming him down with names only his ma had ever called him. It's not that he didn't like being Cap. He didn't mind all the nicknames the team came up with, actually. But, well...it had felt really nice, all things considered, Tony's words washed over him like a warm breeze at the end of that horrible experience, lulling him to sleep. Now, he was back to being just Cap.

"Um. So. Sorry about last night." 

"What?" Steve was perplexed. Was he remembering wrong? "Sorry for what?"

"I...I wasn't spying on you or anything" Tony rushed his words. "It's just that you have the same kind of phone I have, and Jarvis uses it to monitor your health condition, you know in case he needs to call for emergency help. He doesn't keep data of it, it's not like I'm using your vitals for anything. And well, he tried to bring you down himself but he said you weren't responding so he patched me through. I should've told you sooner but I didn't think about it, I'm sorry."

"Hey. Stop that." Steve firmly cut him off. "You are not going to apologise for _helping_ me. I'm **glad** Jarvis was able to recognize the problem, and I'm glad you were able to help me. Okay?" 

"...okay." 

They were silent for a while, until Tony quietly spoke up again. 

"It happens to me sometimes too, you know."

Steve was taken aback. This had happened to Tony too? Multiple times? 

"What **is** it?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, what happened to me yesterday? It seems like you might know." Steve tried to explain, "I've never felt like that before. I was so worried about nothing all day. Weird, like I couldn't focus on anything, and my heart was racing a lot and I felt so much dread. Then last night, well, you saw." 

"Oh, Steve." Tony sighed, "You had an anxiety attack. That's what Jarvis diagnosed. It sounds like the fireworks last night might have caused a panic attack too. It's hard to tell sometimes." 

"Like madness?" Steve's eyes went wide with worry. "Am I going crazy?" 

"No!" Tony quickly deflected his fear, "God, no, you aren't going crazy. It happens sometimes to some people. I guess you guys hadn't really diagnosed that kind of stuff back then, or maybe you haven't seen it happen in person before. You've been through a lot recently, Steve. Honestly I'm surprised it hasn't happened to you before."

"Is it going to happen a lot now?" Steve asked.

"No. Not necessarily. It's something that you can work towards improving." Tony paused. "Hey, you know, I'm in LA this weekend, I have to meet with some board members in our West coast offices. Pitch them something. Anyways, you're not that far from Cali. How about you meet me there?" 

"You wanna check on me?" It seemed almost too good to be true. Steve was planning on going to Los Angeles anyways. Seeing someone who cared enough to check in on him would definitely be a huge bonus, with the way he'd been feeling lately. 

"I mean, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want." Tony shyly replied. "We can just, you know. Hang out." He got uncharacteristically quiet, waiting for a response. 

"I'd love that, Tony. I can't wait." Steve's smile radiated though his words, and Tony let out a tiny sigh of relief. "But you don't have to be delicate with me. I do want to talk about it, if that's okay. You've helped me out so much. You're a great friend, I'm so lucky to have you."

"Huh." Tony got a little uncomfortable. "Mm. 'Kay. Uh, Jarvis'll let you know where to meet me Saturday morning. So just...call if you need anything, 'Kay? Okay. See ya then, Cap."

The line disconnected. Steve wondered if he'd said something wrong, but decided he'd probably just praised Tony a bit too much and flustered him. He just couldn't help but say all that stuff, though. He really meant it, and wanted Tony to know how special he was to him. Putting his phone away, he looked up at the radiant blue sky. Today was a better day. He turned his bike around and headed back to the small town, he'd need to grab some lunch before heading out.

It only took him a couple hours to get to Hoover Dam, and then he was in Vegas that night. He tried his hand at a few poker tables, but found that he didn't enjoy the high betting minimums, he felt like he would just be throwing money away. Jarvis did direct him to a magic show, which was funny and entertaining. Oddly though, he couldn't help but think that watching Tony work would make for a much better magic show, without the need for tricks and deception. He chuckled to himself, imagining how angry Tony would get if he called his work 'magic' instead of science. 

After the show, he got a hotel closer to Fremont Street, which was quieter than the strip, and settled down for the night. He was already feeling much better than yesterday. Sleeping until noon definitely helped, he felt refreshed. Felt more in tune with himself than he had in a while, which was...interesting. He'd noticed a lot of gentlemen's clubs on the way. Jarvis had politely suggested that Las Vegas was a good place for 'adult entertainment' - and Steve wasn't so dense that he didn't know what _that_ meant. He thought back to what Tony had said about going to a strip club. 

Could he? No. He couldn't even consider it. He was Captain America, for God's sake. He knew he was a high profile person, and it's only been a fluke that he hasn't been recognized more often on this trip. Realistically, he was aware that Jarvis could probably find him somewhere private, discreet. Tony had even encouraged it! Or was that a joke? 

He let his thoughts wander on what that might be like. He'd seen plenty of beautiful ladies advertising on the street that night in nothing more than heels, thongs and pasties. But he found that after the initial shock, it didn't excite him at all. He'd seen advertisements of shirtless, muscular men as well, plastered everywhere. Though he knew he liked men too, even those pictures didn't really get him going. 

It had been a while since he last touched himself. Really, he hadn't done it all that much since coming out of the ice. At first, it was just too much going on, trying to learn about the future and come to terms with losing his past. Then Loki happened, then he'd been distracting himself from his own thoughts for so long, that between all that, he never really made much time to just be one on one with himself. 

Tonight...maybe it was the electricity in the air. Maybe Sin City was getting to him. Or maybe his body just needed a hard reset. Whatever it was, he felt his need grow (literally) the longer he laid in bed.

He threw his phone in his bag, grabbed the lotion bottle from the bathroom, and pulled his boxers down just enough to let his dick spring free. 

"Ah.." he tried to keep quiet, a leftover habit from being in the Army. Sometimes though, when he was really worked up, he couldn't help but let a moan slip by. After squirting some lotion on, he wrapped his fingers around the base and gave himself a few slow pulls.

He tried to think back to the gorgeous half naked men and women he saw today. But it felt so impersonal. Cheap. Fake. That didn't do it for him, so he tried to think of Peggy. That just made him sad. 

"Shit," he really needed to get somewhere with this, so he let out a deep exhale and closed his eyes to clear his mind. He knew what he really wanted. It had been so long since he'd been touched by someone else in more than just a friendly way. He'd never had...well...penetrative sex with anyone, but he remembered the feeling of stolen kisses in changing rooms and fists in his hair when he would get on his knees in the dead of night for lonely soldiers.

His hand slipped up and down, he shuddered, letting himself feel his heavy cock get thicker in his grip. What would he want right now, if he had someone who wanted to help him with his loneliness? Sinking into the bed, he let himself imagine sturdy arms wrapped around his body. The sheets were mangled under him as he moved his hips in time with his strokes, the warm blanket mimicking the sensation of hands running down his sides. He could almost picture handsome, dark eyes watching him. A deep, soothing voice telling him how good he was being. How good he felt. As he pumped himself, he tried not to make his fantasy too specific, but his hips jerked and swirled as he got closer to the edge -and at the last second, he imagined a puff of warm breath on the side of his neck, the tender feeling of being held, and that send a shiver down his spine. 

"Fuck!" He gasped as he suddenly came. He tried to bring his other hand up to catch his come, but couldn't pry it away from twisting in the sheets when another orgasm hit in quick succession and come landed all over his undershirt. His body went boneless, all his muscles relaxed. He lazily squeezed the head a little, watching the last bead of white slick drip out. 

Good thing this hotel had self service laundry. 

While he cleaned up, did his laundry, and got ready to go to sleep, he tried not to think about who the person he'd just imagined might actually be. He did, however, hug his pillow close to him as he fell into a deep sleep.

_7-6-12_

Steve was too keyed up to stay in Vegas any longer, having woken up at the crack of dawn feeling invigorated. He checked out and jumped on his bike, excited to make his way to LA today. He would be a day early, but figured he could kill some time by getting to know the city. 

He was about to speed off the parking lot when Jarvis spoke in his helmet.

"Captain Rogers?" Thankfully, Steve was starting to get more used to Jarvis, who spoke without warning quite often. 

"Yes?" 

"I thought that you might like to know, Las Vegas offers some excellent options for a breakfast buffet, if you would like some suggestions." 

"No thanks, Jarvis." Steve didn't want to spend any more time in the crowds. It seemed like this city was always so busy, no matter the time of day or night. "I'd actually like to head to Los Angeles this morning, if you don't mind finding me a diner on the way." 

"Of course. Sir is heading that way this morning as well." Steve perked up, then Jarvis continued. "In fact, it seems he is sending you a message as we speak." 

Steve threw his visor back, zipped open his bag and pulled out his phone just in time to see a message pop up. Tony had sent a selfie of himself sitting across from Pepper in a plane cabin, some bubbly champagne glasses with orange juice sitting between them. 

_T: Heading to LA. Yummy mimosas then meetings all day 😒 See you tomorrow, Starfish_

Steve grinned from ear to ear, turning his bike off and sat back, typing in response. 

_S: Looks refreshing. Good luck in your meetings today. See you soon 😊_

_T: Of course you'd be up right now. You know you don't need to set an alarm clock when you're on vacation right?_

_S: The sun woke me up. Can't lay around when it's so nice out._

_T: you're already out too? Noooooooooo  
T: I'm going to make you relax this weekend  
T: yep, that's my mission. To teach you how to vacation properly_

_S: I look forward to it. I need all the help I can get._

_T: rule #1- no getting up before 10 am  
T: make that 11am  
T: and I haven't seen enough good food in the pictures you've sent. I'm going to expand your palate  
T: best city on the west coast for foodies in my opinion  
T: Pep is glaring at me. I should probably pay attention to whatever she's saying_

_S: You definitely should if you want to make it here alive. Have a good flight. See you tomorrow.  
_

Steve was giggling to himself at this point, Tony really liked to go on, didn't he? He put his phone up and revved his bike back on. 

"Jarvis? New plan." He set off into the road. "Let's find a place with mimosas." 

"Excellent choice, Captain."

He took his time that day, pulling over often to sketch scenery and admire the views. When he was finally closing in on the city early that afternoon, he hit a wall of traffic. He saw a sign that said 'Big Bear Lake' at the next exit, and decided to veer in that direction. Jarvis said it wasn't too far out of the way, and a good place to have dinner, sketch and spend the night. 

So that's what he did. It was a nice view, he got some great landscape drawings in, and took some photos to reference if he wanted to go back and paint it later. He met a few locals at a cozy little bar, and one of them offered a cabin next to the lake that he could rent for the night. 

As he sat on the back porch of the cabin, overlooking the lake and the huge moon peeking up through the mountains, he wondered what Tony was doing. Hopefully not still working. He's so close by, but I should leave him to it. I'll see him tomorrow. I wonder if he can see the moon from wherever he's at, it looks gorgeous tonight.

He caught himself. It's not the first time he realized he'd been thinking about Tony again. Why was Tony stuck in his head? He shook it off, maybe it's just because he's the only person he's been consistently texting with during this whole trip. It's no big deal. He'd see him tomorrow, have a good time, then continue his travels. No big deal at all. 

Then why was he so nervous? His stomach felt a little queasy. He went back in and turned in for the night, maybe it was just the sketchy steak he'd had at the bar.


	9. Show me a good time

_7-7-12_

Steve got up early, packed his things and started heading towards Los Angeles. He remembered the traffic from yesterday and wanted to get a head start, as Jarvis said it could take a couple hours to get there.

Shortly after he left, the road came to a complete standstill. He was getting more than a little frustrated, and it didn't help when Jarvis spoke up. 

"Captain? Sir would like to inform you that he's getting ready and will meet you for an early lunch in Chinatown in about an hour. Shall I reroute you?" 

"Yes, please." Steve was agitated at the traffic. What was going on with this city? How were there this many people living here?

"You may want to know, Captain, that lane splitting is technically legal in the state of California for motorcycles." 

"What does that mean?" 

"It means," Jarvis said in a mischievous tone, "That weaving in and out of slow or stopped traffic is perfectly acceptable. Please do be careful, Captain." 

Steve grinned in his helmet, the AI clearly had his back. He followed the instructions Jarvis gave him, shooting down the freeway between cars, hoping his supersoldier reflexes were still top notch. Finally, he made it to the address. It was...an interesting location. He parked in front of the restaurant, small and colorful. It was packed with people, and no one was speaking English. It kind of reminded him of the tiny trattorias in Italy, where no one had a sense of personal space, but it was charming. 

He was just dismounting when he heard a voice from behind him.

"Looking good, Speed Racer. Ya miss me?" 

He turned around and saw Tony looking very...Tony. He had on faded jeans, a band shirt under a sports jacket, some shoes that were working very hard not to look like platforms, and a dazzling smile behind his lightly tinted sunglasses. 

He also had his arms stretched out in front of him. Steve didn't hesitate, didn't even think or say a word before barreling into Tony, hugging him tight. 

"Whoa! Easy there, Cap." But Tony chuckled and threw his arms around Steve too, hugging him back just as hard. Steve relished the feeling a little longer. He felt his ears burning, and pulled back, embarrassed at himself. "Guess that's a yes, huh?" 

"Don't flatter yourself too much. I'm just happy you're feeding me." Steve tried to act cool, but who was he kidding. He'd missed having a friend, having company, missed casual touches and easy conversation. He was ecstatic to see Tony. 

"Then come on! Food's awaiting!" Tony hooked his arm into Steve's elbow and started pulling him inside. 

"But, my bike!" 

"Valet's got it, don't worry." Steve turned around and sure enough, someone in a suit was taking his bike around the corner. "Come on. They've got the best enchiladas, though the tacos are to die for too. I think we should get you both." 

Steve was whisked away and finally Tony plopped him down on a chair at a patio table, overlooking the whole street. Tony was off, talking to one of the restaurant workers. Steve took the opportunity to look around. This was a Mexican restaurant. Must have been pretty authentic too, since he now recognized the language everyone was speaking as Spanish, and his eyes almost bugged out of his head when he realized Tony was speaking Spanish too! That man continues to amaze me, he thought, when he saw Tony heading back towards the table with a huge yellow drink in each hand.

"Pineapple lime margaritas!" Tony proudly declared as he carefully set both ginormous drinks down. "I know the serum means you can't get drunk, but that doesn't mean your taste buds don't work, right?"

"Exactly!" Steve took a long sip, it was delicious. He appreciated that Tony could understand, just because he couldn't get drunk didn't mean he wanted to be left out. If not for the taste, he liked the banter that usually accompanied social drinking. "So good. I can't remember the last time I've been to a place like this." 

"I thought so." Tony pulled his drink close to him and took a long sip too. It was nice that Tony wasn't too manly or proud to enjoy these fruity treats. "Let me guess. You spent your whole trip going from diner to diner, ordering meat and potatoes for dinner every night?"

"Hey!" Steve tried to argue, but to be honest, that was pretty spot on. "I mixed in a few bars here and there. Jarvis took me to the famous spots too." 

"Yeah, yeah." Tony waved, "but famous spots are for tourists." Right on queue, a couple of waiters brought out an array of salsas and chips, along with a tray of appetizers, a lot of which Steve couldn't recognize. "Now THIS!" Tony gestured to all the food in front of them. "This is good food. Hope you like spicy." 

"I thought we were eating Chinese." Steve took a bite of something drenched in a brown sauce that made him moan immediately. Holy moley that was delicious. 

"Looks like you're fine with this." Tony smirked, "Why? Did you want Chinese?" 

"No, no." Steve replied. "It's just that Jarvis said this was Chinatown." 

"Ah." Tony took a few chips in his hands, and started waving one to his left. "See down there? Chinatown, right down the street. Right here's a bunch of Mexican and Central American places, and over there to that side, little Tokyo. That's why I love LA, NYC, big cities like that. It's a melting pot." He punctuated his statement my stuffing a couple chips in his mouth. "Not everywhere's like that though." He munched, "But I'll show you a good time today, you won't regret it!"

"I'm sure I won't." Steve fondly smiled at Tony, who was so excited that he was talking with his mouth full. Before he knew what he was doing, he reached over and brushed a crumb off right next to Tony's mouth. Tony froze and stared at him. 

"Sorry!" Shit! What was Steve doing? "There was something right....there." Steve pulled his hand back quickly and took a sip of his drink. What was he thinking? This really wasn't like him. He wasn't normally so openly...affectionate. With anyone. He's not sure why, but with Tony - it's just so easy to reciprocate small touches like that. 

He tried to reason with himself. Tony is just that kind of person, and likely brings it out in those around him. He likes to hug and pull you by the hand and poke you. He doesn't mean anything by it, that's just how he is. So he resolved to try to just enjoy his time with his friend and shove down these weird clingy feelings that were creeping up. 

"Mm." Tony mumbled as the waiter thankfully interrupted the awkward vibes with plates of tacos and enchiladas. "Well don't fill up too much. You're getting a snack at our next stop."

"S'gonna be hard not to." Steve smelled the delicious looking food and dug in, hoping he hadn't ruined the mood. 

Luckily, as soon as Tony got to talking again, he was impossible to stop, and Steve was grateful for that. While they had their lunch, they talked about all the places Steve visited, he showed Tony pictures and they talked about all the other places he had yet to see. Tony was so knowledgeable, it seemed like he'd been everywhere in the world. Soon, they sat back in their chairs, stuffed. 

"Ready for the next stop?" Tony asked before sipping up the last of his drink. 

"I know I said I'd try not to eat too much, but I don't know if I'm ready for any snacks." Steve absently rubbed his stomach. 

"Don't worry, we'll walk it off first." Tony got up and pulled Steve up with him. "Our ride is here!" He dragged Steve over to a towncar that had just pulled up. 

"Shouldn't we take my bike?" 

"Nope! That's already at the hotel." Oh. Tony must've meant the hotel valet earlier.

Wait. Were they staying at the same hotel tonight? Steve wondered as he was shoved into the backseat of the car, Tony crawling in after him. He must've been quiet a bit too long while mulling this over.

"Hey. You okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah!" Steve replied, slightly too loudly. "I guess I'm just wondering where we're going." 

"Don't worry, nothing nefarious." Tony looked out the window. "In fact, I think it might become your new favorite place. Or you might hate it." 

Steve didn't know what to make of that, but the car came to a stop just then and they were already there. He hadn't even noticed that they had driven up to a huge stadium.

"Welcome to Dodger Stadium!" Tony announced, grabbing Steve's hand and pulling him out of the car. "Home of the Dodgers since 1962. But I'm sure you knew that."

Steve did. It had been one of the bigger blows about the future. His all time favorite team of his all time favorite pastime had been moved to another city. On the _west coast._ Because of that, Steve hadn't had the heart to enjoy baseball since coming out of the ice. 

"Yeah." Steve was overwhelmed. He looked around, suddenly nostalgic. Even though it was another stadium, baseball was the same everywhere. He could smell the freshly cut grass, could imagine the fanbase cheering on their team. He saw a couple, decked out in Dodgers gear, taking photos next to statues of players outside the stadium. A young boy ran up to his dad with a baseball from the souvenir store, screaming with glee. Steve looked around, there weren't many people around for a Saturday. "Is there a game today?"

"Technically yes." Tony explained. "But it's an away game. Today, the stadium is all ours for the next few hours. We'll go on a tour, and get to see the Clubhouse, and we can even play some catch on the field if you want!" Tony seemed so enthusiastic, that Steve couldn't help but hold back a chuckle. "Everyone says Captain America was a huge Dodgers fan, but I haven't seen you watch a single baseball game since I've known you! So we have to fix that once and for all and figure out if the Dodgers are still your team." Tony poked him in the chest. "We're doing some soul searching today, Rogers." 

"I don't know what to say." Steve walked up to the gates, Tony quietly following. Security let him right through and he walked all the way to the field entrance, gingerly putting his hands on the railing and looking out to the floodlights and perfectly manicured field. "You did all this just so I could figure out who to root for?"

Tony shrugged. "Don't want you to lose interest in the things you love." 

Steve could've cried. 

He took a deep breath and pulled himself together. With misty eyes he looked over at Tony and grinned wide. 

"Yeah! Let's figure it out then. Lead the way." 

The next couple hours were a blast. After looking around the stadium itself, they headed straight to the Club level to look at all the most important gear, jerseys, and home plates from over the years. Tony explained special games to him, and though Steve had missed it all in his years in the ice, he felt happy hearing all about the team's great accomplishments. They went into the clubhouse, where they saw the team's locker room, and got to play in the batting cages for a while. They took some funny photos of each other decked out in player gear, and Steve made Tony bend over in laughter as he picked up an entire kettle bell rack, saying maybe he should be a baseball player too. They went into the field, taking a ball and a couple of mitts from the fan store on the way, and true to his word, Tony played catch with Steve for a while as they talked about the Dodger's record, going into detail on the biggest wins and losses. Tony insisted that Steve take a picture sliding into home base, and Steve tried to pose without getting dirt all over his pants, which wasn't successful but he couldn't have cared less. From there, they eagerly ran to the dugout when a worker came out and announced that he had some hot dogs waiting for them. 

"Our snacks are ready! Race you!" Tony immediately regretted saying that when Steve flew past him, and by the time he made it to the dugout lounge, Steve already had half a hot dog stuffed in his face, laughing at Tony who wheezed his way over. 

After eating and talking with the stadium employee, who happened to be a security guard off duty, they were led to the trophy gallery. The worker opened the door for them and let them look around for a while. 

"This has been amazing. Thank you so much Tony." Steve looked at all the impressive history around him. 

"It's not a big deal." Tony waved his hand.

"It certainly is." Steve knocked his shoulder. "You don't need to be modest on my account. You really have been nothing if not an amazing friend to me, you know." 

Tony looked down, and put his hands in his pockets. Steve knew Tony didn't like praise, and for a touchy-feely guy, he really didn't like talking about feelings when it came to his own relationships. He hoped he'd be able to break down that wall someday. Steve looked up and saw a large picture of a black man holding a baseball bat labeled "1947". 

"Who's that?" 

Tony looked up too. "That's Jackie Robinson." They both stared at the intricately framed photo. "He was the first African American man to play in the MLB when he joined the _Brooklyn_ Dodgers in 1947." 

Steve stared, shocked. "That's only two years after I went down." 

"Yeah. He was an amazing player too. Rookie of the year, All star player and got MVP too. Basically got them the championship in 55'." 

"Fuck." Steve hadn't moved. "It really would've been something to be there for that, huh?" 

Tony turned to him and smiled. "You," He poked him in the bicep. "said a swear word." 

Steve looked at him, and after a second, laughed with him. "Sorry," he said between breaths, "It's just, it's a big deal. I'm proud of my team." Steve radiated with happiness. 

"So, Dodgers. Still America's favorite team, then?" 

Steve thought about it for a second. "Think I need to see the new guys play first." He turned back to Tony, "But I think they've got a good shot." 

Before they left, they stopped by the Jackie Robinson statue outside the stadium, and Steve took one last picture while they waited for their ride. 

"Now **this** is what SHIELD should have taught me." 

Their towncar arrived, and they both got in. The man out of time was feeling closer to normal than he had in a very long time. 

They watched some highlight videos on Tony's phone on their way to the next destination. Tony sat close to Steve, his head resting on Steve's shoulder as he clicked through Youtube, watching home run compilations. Steve tried to pay attention to the videos, but this easy companionship with Tony was so warm and distracting. He sat perfectly still, not wanting to break the fragile atmosphere, and tried to keep his eyes on Tony's phone. The ride was over way too soon. When they stopped, they stepped out next to a hill with stairs. At the top of the stairs, they got to a beautiful building decorated in white marble pillars, a garden surrounding a pool, and Roman statues scattered throughout. 

"The Getty Villa." Tony explained as Steve marveled at the works of art in every nook and cranny. "I know you appreciate art, and in my humble opinion, it's one of the more aesthetic places in LA." 

"Wow." Steve got the itch. "Just wish I'd brought my-" Tony cut him off by handing him a sketch pad and pencil. Steve took them and beamed. 

"Thought you might get inspired." Tony walked over to a bench and sat down. "Take all the time you want." Steve smiled and sat next to Tony. Every inch of this place was an artistic gold mine, so he really didn't mind facing the statue of the Drunken Satyr, he felt safe and happy next to Tony. They sat for a while, silent, comfortable with just each other's company - Steve drawing a few statues and flowers while Tony watched. When Steve was satisfied, they moved to another bench, and eventually they'd toured the entire building, and Steve had already filled up half the pages with rough sketches. 

"You're really good." Tony flipped through the pad while Steve took a break to stretch his hands. "If you ever wanna retire from the superhero business, I bet you'd make a great starving artist." 

"Nah. I'm too cranky when I'm starving." 

"Ready to grab dinner then?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a rough week (I'm sure you all relate), so a little slower than usual.


	10. Need a light, sugar?

Steve was overjoyed that Tony had taken the time to get to know him well enough to give him such a fun day together. He couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled so much - his face hurt from all the laughing he'd been doing all day. They stopped by a sushi restaurant, but didn't stay - instead they carried lots of boxes of takeout to the car and made their way to the hotel. Tony had suggested they eat in, after such an eventful day. Steve agreed, it would be nice to relax out of the scorching California sun. Soon they were at the hotel lobby, picking up their hotel keys - or rather, key. 

"You're in room 901, Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers. Please enjoy your stay."

"Don't think I haven't checked up on you, Rogers." Tony teased as they walked over to the elevator. "I mean honestly, a Motel 6? It's inexcusable. Today you'll see what luxury is." 

Steve was still stuck on the fact that they would be sharing a room. As they boarded the elevator alone, Steve holding all their sushi, and Tony scrolling on his phone, he began to wonder what that might mean. 

He looked over at Tony as stealthily as he could. Wow. I never noticed how handsome he is. Has he always looked this good? I should have asked, maybe he expected me to get my own room? What if we have to share the bed? No, get it together, Rogers. You'd obviously take the couch. What's the matter with you? He's being such a good friend and you're thinking about this kind of thing. God, no one else has touched me in so long though, and it's so nice. No. No. Be happy with what you have. He's a great friend, if he wanted more he would have said so. Don't ruin this. Why is this the slowest elevator on earth? 

As he waged an internal battle, the elevator dinged and opened to their floor. No, really. Their _**entire floor.**_ They were apparently going to stay on an entire floor of this hotel. Steve's shock must have been clear on his face, as Tony grinned at him, clearly amused.

"THIS is how a national hero should be living." He had Steve put down the boxes of food and led him around the suite. There was a fully stocked kitchen, a living area with floor to ceiling windows, even a hot tub for some reason. Steve stomped down his pang of disappointment when Tony showed him the two bedrooms, each elegant and connected to their own large, ornate bathrooms. "So? What do you think?" 

"It's quite a lot for just a couple nights, isn't it?" Steve felt a little guilty at all the extravagance. 

"Well, just one night for me." Steve looked over at Tony, who shrugged in apology. "I've got to fly back tomorrow night. Got more meetings with the board Monday morning. Sorry, Spangles." Tony noticed the disheartened soldier and rushed to make it up to him. "But hey! You have the room until Monday, you can even extend the stay to whenever you want. You can make the most of it, there's a 24/7 buffet included, an all inclusive spa, personal masseuses." Tony made his way over to the other man, looking up at him, hopeful that he could find some way to make him happy again. "Should I call the masseuse now, or after we eat? Or maybe I should call up some girls for us? Some dancers? Dinner and a show?" He started to dance in a silly way, shaking his hips and arms to imaginary music and Steve couldn't help the howl that escaped him. 

"Ha Ha!! Stop Tony!" His sadness washed over him. He would make the most of it, the time he had left with his friend. If he only had one night with Tony, he certainly didn't want to share it with anyone else. He'd had more than enough company of strangers over the last several weeks. "No dancers, no massages. Let's just hang out together tonight, if that's okay."

"If little old me will do, then fine." Tony sat at the kitchen bar and started to unpack their dinner, Steve sitting down next to him. Tony got him to try at least a small bite of everything, offering sushi to Steve's lips with his own chopsticks, and seafood had never been so delicious, even if it was out of styrofoam containers. Afterwards, they retired to the living room to watch some TV. Neither of them acknowledged the hot tub on the way there, though unbeknownst to the other, they both really wanted to. Though the living room had several large chairs and recliners, they both gravitated towards the couch right across from the TV. Steve sat first, and Tony stretched out on the other side, placing his feet in Steve's lap. Steve cherished the comfort, though he didn't quite know what to do with his hands, so he opted to just drape them over the back of the couch. If he left them too close, he might end up massaging those cute feet right through the socks, he could tickle the smaller man's toes, maybe caress his calves just a little..

Tony stood up, "Oh! I almost forgot!" And ran to his room. That brought Steve out of his dangerous train of thought, mentally scolding himself for thinking that way again. In an instant, Tony was back with a small box wrapped in gold paper. "It's a birthday present for you." He held it out, and Steve gingerly took it.

"Oh, Tony you've already done so much for me, you shouldn't have gone to the trouble-" 

"Nu-uh" Tony pushed the box and Steve's hands into his chest. "No take backs. C'mon, open it!"

Steve did, and was confused. A pack of cigarettes? He turned over the box and it clicked. 

"Hey!" He held up the box for Tony to see. "It's Old Gold! They used to sponsor the Dodgers! Just like Red Barber used to say on the radio after a home run! _'Another Oldie Goldie!'_ then he'd shoot a pack down to the dugout for the team!"

"Yep!" Tony smiled and snapped a picture of Steve, who had opened the pack to smell it, relishing his gift. "It's a good thing you weren't too disappointed at Dodger Stadium today, I didn't exactly have a backup gift, and the originals are hard to find. But I know some people so-" Tony stopped, Steve was crying. He rushed down and put his hands on the soldier's arms. "Hey, hey! Oh shit, I fucked up didn't I? Steve, I'm sorry. Here, let me get rid of it." 

"No." Steve sniffled and brought the box up to his chest. "I love it. Thank you Tony." 

Tony raised an eyebrow and sat next to Steve, who was trying to rub tears out of his eyes. "It doesn't look like you love it. What's wrong, Stevie?"

Steve's heart rushed with emotion at the nickname. He laid his head on Tony's shoulder and held out the box for them both to see. 

"It's complicated."

"Wanna talk about it?" Steve nodded and took a moment to compose himself before speaking up again.

"The smell. Just a lot of mixed feelings that come with it." Tony put an arm around Steve's shoulders, urging him to go on. "Buck and I, we would stand outside the five cent stores and listen to the game on the radio. We couldn't get too close though, 'cause of my asthma. A lot of workers would smoke while listening to the game, so if I got too close I'd have a coughing fit. Sometimes when I wasn't feeling too good, I'd sit on the curb and Buck would go listen and rush back to tell me when they scored." He chuckled through a sob, and Tony squeezed his shoulder. "Then when I found Bucky, after they....after Red Skull got him. Old Gold was a big company and so they had a camp that processed prisoners of war. That's where we took him, and all the other soldiers. He was really out of it. The smell just reminds me of that day we spent at that camp. The only time I'd ever smoked one of these. Waiting for the doctors to work with him. I knew he would be fine, physically. But mentally...I didn't know if he would be okay. He was my best friend and now he's gone, and now everyone's gone. Everyone, Tony. **Everyone.** " 

He pulled his legs up and buried his face in his knees, now sobbing uncontrollably. Tony just held him. What could he say? They sat there, Tony rubbing Steve's back as he cried, and eventually the soldier was tired out and pulled his face back up. Tony stood up with a quiet 'be right back' and walked to his bedroom. He returned with a box of tissues and a big blanket, offering the box to Steve as he wrapped them both up. He pulled Steve back into his arms and Steve went willingly, resting his head on Tony again. Steve's shivers stopped, and his breath hitched just a few more times before he broke the silence.

"I was thinkin' 'bout him and my ma' that night. When you called." 

"Mm." Tony was afraid to do or say something else that might set him off, but he knew Steve was responding well to touch, so he just rubbed the big man's back. 

"I just felt so lonely that day. Don't know what's wrong with me." 

"Hey. No." That got Tony's attention, and he couldn't stay silent. "There's nothing wrong with you, honey." Steve shivered and moved closer. "You've been through some pretty traumatic experiences and haven't worked through them, so of course it's all gonna spill out sometimes." Tony took one of Steve's hands and squeezed. "Have you seen a therapist about this stuff?" 

Steve shook is head no. "SHIELD offered, but the doctors there seemed...off. Like I was some experiment they wanted to study. I was afraid the therapist would treat me the same way." 

"That's understandable." Tony let go of Steve's hand and picked up his phone, pulling up a contact and texting it to Steve's number. "I have a great therapist. Don't feel any pressure to use her, but she's very good and keeps everything confidential. She's used to high profile clients, and if you don't feel comfortable with her, she has a hand picked list of colleagues she can recommend." Tony put his phone away and picked up Steve's hand once more. "I hope I'm not overstepping here. I'm sorry about the cigarettes. Seriously, I won't be offended, I can get rid of them if you want."

"No." Steve had the box clutched to his chest this whole time. "There's lot'sa good memories too. After we left the camp, the Commandos made it their official cig, and we'd share stories at night around a campfire and the guys would smoke 'em. Bucky used to try to pick up dames by offering them a smoke outside the nightclubs. I remember one time we went to a game at Ebbets Field after saving up for a few months. We got to see a grand slam and Red Barber sent down a whole carton to the team." he chuckled and looked at Tony with red eyes. "That was in 41'. One of the only games I'd ever been at. And SHIELD tried to pretend it was a live radio broadcast when they first woke me up." 

"Idiots." Tony smiled at Steve, who was looking much better now. They sat in silence, Steve calming down little by little. He felt so safe with Tony. Wished he could somehow pay everything back. He didn't have a whole lot of money, or much of anything really. But he wanted to thank Tony somehow for being here, for being an anchor for him in this new and scary world. 

"Hey." Steve asked once he was feeling okay, "When's your birthday?" 

"Oh." Tony looked away. "Not important." 

"Come on, please?" 

"I don't really celebrate my birthday, sorry." Tony pulled away. Steve immediately missed the warmth. Why did he always go and say the wrong thing when it came to Tony?

"I guess I can just ask Google then. Hey Jarvis?" Steve started to reach for his phone. 

"Fine. It's May 29th." 

"Ah." Steve leaned back and closed his eyes. May. Too bad that just passed. Maybe he could give Tony a late birthday present. It's only a couple months late. Wait. May? Steve thought back, he was at the tower already in May. He didn't remember any party for Tony. His eyes went wide with horror.

"May 29th?!! That's the day-"

"Yeah." Tony still wasn't looking at him. And how could he blame him? Tony spent his birthday this year angry, upset, locked away alone in his lab because of Steve. Because they had fought over nothing again. Steve's temper betraying him as always.

"I'm so sorry Tony." Steve pleaded. 

"It's okay." Tony picked up the remote. "Like I said, I don't celebrate birthdays. You couldn't have known. Let's stop apologizing to each other and watch some TV, yeah? I bet a nice hotel like this has HBO." 

"Let me make it up to you tomorrow."

"Hm?" Tony looked at him curiously.

"Tomorrow. Do you have anything planned? I want to return the favor. We'll celebrate your birthday tomorrow, all on me." Steve took both of Tony's hands and turned him so he could look him in the eye. "I won't even wake you up before 11. And there'll be cake. You gotta let me! Please?" He tried his best puppy eyes and Tony laughed, pushing his face away. 

"Fine, ugh. How am I supposed to say no to that face." Tony pretended he was relenting, but secretly he was enjoying the attention. "But there better not be any singing 'happy birthday' at restaurants or I'll tie you up and throw you in the back of my jet to New York, and your little adventure will be over." Steve smiled, he wouldn't mind that one bit, he thought. But he agreed and they settled back down, both leaning on each other under the blanket as they watched TV for a while. When Steve started to nod off, Tony tapped his shoulder and helped him get up. Tony threw the blanket over himself like a cape, and they walked to their respective bedrooms. Steve's door was closer, and Tony stopped him before he was able to walk in. 

"Hey. Just wanted you to know.." Tony wrapped himself up tighter in his blanket, Steve thinking he looked like a little burrito. "I know it's lonely. But I was thinking, if you start to feel that way again, y-you have me. I know I'm not much, but you can always ask me to come see you. Or you know, we can hang out when you come back home. O-or you could call? Or text. I mean, whatever you need really-" Steve leaned down and hugged the other man, pulling him up to his chest. 

"Thank you." He said. "I'm not lonely at all when you're with me." He put Tony back down, and Tony was blushing and looking at the floor. 

"Oh. Good." Tony resolved to be a good friend and finish his thought. "I hope you can come to me if you ever need anything." He quickly spit out. "Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Tony." 

They parted ways. Steve was exhausted, when his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. He dreamed of beautiful dark eyes and a laugh that sounded like a song.


	11. Harder this time around

Tony tossed and turned. He felt like an idiot for not seeing it before - how hard it was for Steve to lose his whole life, then be brought back just to be thrown into another warzone. I mean, he'd had what, a couple months tops to greive? 

"Sir," Jarvis quietly spoke up from Tony's phone. "Your sleeping pills are in the top compartment of your black suitcase." 

"Nnnnngh." Tony groaned into his pillow. "What can we do to help him, J?" 

"Sir?" 

"Steve." Tony sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have let him be all by himself. I should've checked up on him more. Now what, I'm just supposed to leave him here? How can I do that, J? Maybe if I call Pepper she'll let me stay-" 

"Sir,'' Jarvis patiently reminded. "The board members will be voting on your proposal soon, and as Miss Potts puts it, millions of people are counting on you." 

"I know." Tony huffed. Stupid Jarvis and his stupid logic. "But Steve needs me too." 

"You have been very helpful to Captain Rogers thus far." Jarvis supplied. "Ruling out his isolated incident earlier this week, regular scans of the Captain's alpha brain waves indicate a 5% increase in output after communications with you, Sir." 

Tony sat up in bed. "You're saying he's happy when I text him?" 

"That would be one way to extrapolate the data."

Tony laid back and thought about it. He wasn't a stranger to anxiety and panic attacks. Rhodey and Pepper knew about it, and he hated when they would fuss over him, try to over-analyze him or wouldn't leave him alone for days. But he loved knowing that they cared. After years of it, they knew now when it was important to come see Tony in person, but often they would check in with him via calls or text, and that was perfect for Tony. Exactly the right amount of care, without smothering him. He needed to do the same for Steve. As much as he wanted to help, he couldn't take over his life. He'd need to give him space, while still being there for him. 

Images of their day together flashed in his mind. He loved seeing Steve happy. And yes, maybe it was self-destructive to let himself get so close to someone like this - someone brave and handsome and sweet, funny, sensitive...but Steve deserved the very best. Tony would make sure that Steve was happy as much as possible, even if it was from the sidelines. Tony chuckled to himself, this must be what it's like for Rhodes and Pep. God, it was exhausting. He'd have to remember to get them some 'just because' gift baskets when he got home. 

"Think he'll call that therapist, J?" Tony yawned and pulled the covers up. 

"Captain Rogers is nothing if not resilient, Sir. I believe he trusts your judgement." 

"Mkay." Tony closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.

_7-8-12_

Steve got up early, and stayed in his room, talking to Jarvis to see what Tony would like to do for his late birthday celebration. Jarvis supplied several helpful suggestions, and Steve got to work calling around and setting up appointments. He then jumped in the shower and got all cleaned up and ready. After, he was bursting with excited energy, so he decided to make breakfast for them. Unfortunately, Tony had a sixth sense for coffee, so as soon as the pot was full, Steve heard slow stumbling steps coming into the kitchen. 

"Mgh. You said you wouldn't wake me before 11." A sleepy Tony was rubbing his eyes and leaning on the wall. Steve chuckled and handed Tony a warm cup, the scientist immediately downing half of it. 

"Sorry. I didn't know coffee was your alarm clock." 

"Now you know." Tony sat at the bar stool behind Steve, watching him work at the stove. Soon, he was slightly more awake and realized the kitchen smelled amazing. "What'cha making?" 

"Chocolate chip banana pancakes." 

"My favorite!" Tony gasped, "How'd you know?"

"Jarvis helped." Steve hadn't turned, putting some finishing touches on Tony's plate. "And the concierge here was kind enough to bring up the ingredients I needed." He triumphantly turned to Tony and slid the plate of pancakes to him, complete with whipped cream, berries and a lit candle on top. "Now make a wish!" 

"You sap." Tony teased, but he closed his eyes anyways and blew out the candle. Steve had turned back around to finish plating his own breakfast, but Tony couldn't wait any longer and took a big mouthful. "Mmmmmmmmm....good God Rogers. If I'd known you were good in the kitchen, I would've have taken you on a man-date much sooner." A spatula dropped, making a loud clanging sound. 

"Ah, hah. Yeah." Steve let out a hollow laugh, picking up the utensil and composing himself. A man-date? That was probably just another way of saying two pals hanging out. Yesterday hadn't been a real date, of course. But wow did that get his heart pumping. They had a nice breakfast, chatting about the others back in New York, Tony catching Steve up on how everyone was doing. When they were done eating, Steve looked at his watch and sighed, not even 9 AM yet. He looked out towards the living room, considering his options, and then got to work. He was the man with a plan, after all. 

"Come on," Steve got up and motioned for Tony to follow. "Put on your shoes. I didn't think I'd have you up so early, so I didn't have anything specific planned until lunch. But I just had an idea." 

"Shouldn't I change?" Tony looked down at his oversized pajamas.

"Nah, no one will recognize you this way. Let's go." Steve led them outside, where they walked seemingly in a random direction. After just a block, Steve found what he was looking for. 

"There!" Steve pointed at a large building. "It's a Macy's! Let's go." 

"Noooo," Tony protested as Steve pulled him in by the arm. "Steve, you know you can use my personal stylist anytime, right? I'll even pay him to fly down here and see you. You really don't need to keep shopping at department stores." 

"This isn't for anything fancy." Steve led them around, looking for something. "It'll be fun, you'll see." Finally, he found it. The men's swimsuit section. "Here!" 

Tony's blank face stared at the racks. "You...want to go to Venice Beach today?" 

"No," Steve pulled up some swim trunks with a Captain America shield plastered on the crotch. "We'll pick each other's swim trunks to hang out in the room's hot tub until lunch!" 

"Ha!" Tony was game. "Then you'll have to do better than that, because I already have a pair of those at home!" Steve blushed, but was happy that Tony seemed to get into the spirit of things. They both looked for the most ridiculous outfit they could find, giggling like little kids as they ran through the aisles. 

"Here's yours." Tony tapped Steve on the back. When Steve turned around, he almost fell over. 

"That's barely anything!" Steve had never seen a smaller garment, except maybe on the men in the Las Vegas billboards.

"It's a Speedo! A perfectly acceptable swimsuit for men." 

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't fit in there." 

"Sounds promising." Tony laughed, "I'm kidding. I just wanted to see your reaction. Here's what you'll be wearing." He pulled out a pair of swim trunks from behind his back with his other hand. They were plastered with huge eagles carrying American flags. It was so embarrassing, that Steve almost picked the Speedo over that.

"Ew. Fine. But only because you'll hate me for this one." Steve pulled up his pick.

"Nope. No way. Not happening." Steve waved the orange trunks with 'CALTECH BEAVERS' printed on the side. 

"C'mon! I thought you liked these science schools!" 

"They hardly qualify as a school." Tony grabbed the shorts. "You get a pass. Only because I'm posting a picture of you on my Instagram for my 1.2 million followers to enjoy." Steve did know all about Tony's MIT pride, and even in the 40's, big colleges had rivalries. So, to his delight, he was excited when Jarvis quietly informed him that MIT's rival university was right here in California, and finding school gear in LA was all too easy. They checked out and went back to their rooms, having way too much fun modeling for Jarvis as he took pictures of them in their new gear. They eventually settled into the hot tub, which was a relaxing way to spend the rest of their morning. As they chatted about nothing, Steve tried to keep his eyes to himself. He'd seen pictures of Tony's reactor in his SHIELD profile, but had never seen it up close. It looked a lot more...alive in person. 

"I can put on a shirt if you want," Tony looked down at his chest, covering up the reactor with one hand. Shit, Steve must've been staring. "I know it's gross." 

"Not at all." Steve scooted closer and reached out slowly, as not to spook the other man, then gently pulled his hand down. "It's actually amazing." He quickly let go though, thinking it might be insensitive to say the least. He rubbed the back of his neck and moved away. "Sorry. I guess it's not so amazing when it's necessary to keep you alive, huh?" 

"I don't mind it." Tony rubbed his chest. "I mean, yeah. It was really scary when it happened." Steve knew all about Afghanistan, but it was different hearing it from Tony. "That's part of the reason I get panic attacks sometimes. But I'm proud of what I built, and the arc reactor does a lot more than just keep me alive. It's the key to clean energy too, so I really love it actually." He blinked and saw Steve staring again, "Uh, but yeah. Not so great looking sticking out of my chest." 

"I think it makes you look strong. Scars ain't so bad." Steve stood up in the water, turning over and pulling his trunks down a little so Tony could see his hips. There were big lines running down his side. "See? Stretch marks. My skin healed too fast after the serum, and they're part of me now. You don't think _I'm_ ugly, do you?" 

"No." Tony breathed.

"So yeah." Steve sat back down and splashed Tony, making him giggle. "We aren't perfect. But we certainly are not ugly." He pulled over his phone. "See? Already got a thousand likes on our picture. We're **hot.** " 

"Who taught you that word?" Tony laughed.

After their morning soak, they were famished. Thanks to Steve's careful planning this morning though, the hotel had a car ready and waiting for them downstairs, and they quickly got to their first destination. When Tony saw where the car stopped, he was excited. 

"Indian food!" He ran out of the car. 

"Jarvis said you like spicy food." Steve explained, "And this place guarantees to be the spiciest." 

"I hope so!" 

Steve had called ahead and made sure that a spread of a little bit of everything would be ready for them. He didn't expect so many different kinds of food though. He marveled at how many colorful dishes sat waiting for them at the restaurant's biggest table. 

"You ever had any of this before?" Tony asked as he grabbed a plate and started piling it up with rice and naan. 

"Bruce makes curry sometimes." Steve wasn't exactly sure if any of these were curry. There were green, yellow, red, brown, white and orange sauces laid out in front of him, they all smelled intoxicating. Tony took pity and prepared a plate for Steve, and after lunch, they agreed that everything was delicious.

"If you think that's great," Tony said as he pulled a pile of desserts over to their table. "You should have it straight from the motherland. I'll bring some ingredients back for you when I go. I'm hoping to be just a few hours north of India in a few months, if all goes well with work." 

"You sure do travel a lot." Steve said, and Tony just lifted one shoulder, biting into a sweet ball of fried dough. "Thank you, but I'm not sure I'd make very good use of them. I can make a few things, but I'm not a home chef or anything." 

"Then we'll figure it out together." Tony stated, like it was obvious that they would be spending more time hanging out once Steve got back. The idea made Steve giddy. 

"You wouldn't mind learning to cook with me?" 

"Of course not, Spangles." Tony smiled, "I'm not entirely useless in the kitchen, I'll have you know."

After lunch, Steve took them to a dingy building with no signage outside. 'A bar?' Tony has asked, but once they got inside his eyes lit up in excitement. It was a hidden video game arcade. Jarvis had told Steve that Tony spent a lot of his free time with Rhodey in college looking for places to try to put the initials A.E.S. on as many high score boards as he could find. Steve was content just watching Tony play for a while, until they stumbled into a Galaga game. 

"Look! SHIELD's favorite!" Tony pulled Steve over to the space-themed machine. "You've gotta practice so you can beat that guy's high score when you go back to the office." Steve chuckled nervously. 

"I don't know Tony, I've never played on any of these before." 

"Nonsense. It's easy, you'll pick it up." So Tony explained the buttons to Steve, and sure enough, it was a really simple game to figure out. The supersoldier speed and reflexes probably helped, so soon Steve was being dragged around the whole arcade, putting S.G.R. on as many scoreboards as Tony made him play. As good as he was at these games, Steve didn't really care for them, but he loved seeing Tony cheer him on, fully committed to obliterating every high score in the arcade, so he gladly played as much as Tony would want.

"As annoying as my dad's obsession was with you," Tony randomly blurted out as he played Mortal Kombat alongside Steve, "I wish he'd gone with his original idea of giving me the middle name Steven."

"Huh?" Steve's heart skipped a beat, making him lose focus, and his character on the screen was knocked out a second later by Tony. 

"Gotcha!" Tony celebrated, "Yeah. Then I could've put A.S.S. on all my initials instead." Steve burst out laughing. 

"You're crazy, you know that?" He wiped tears from his eyes. 

"Is that okay?" Steve looked at Tony, and wasn't sure what exactly he was asking. But Tony was giving him a look like their entire friendship hinged on his response, and Steve knew he wouldn't want Tony any other way. 

"We'll be crazy together. Ready for the next birthday surprise?" 

"Let's go!" Tony grabbed Steve by the arm and led them out the door. Steve wished Tony would never let go.

"You've got to! I said I would make you relax this weekend, and this is perfect!" 

Steve couldn't argue with Tony there. He'd picked a spa treatment for Tony as their last stop before dinner. Originally, he was just going to let Tony have his fun and wait outside, but it seemed Tony wasn't going to let him miss out. But the treatment included a mani/pedi, face mask, scrub, massage and countless other small add-on's that Steve couldn't even name. 

"I've never done anything like this before, I don't know." 

"You'll love it! If there's anything you don't like, we can stop right away. Just give it a chance?" 

"Well....okay." Steve didn't want to disappoint Tony. As soon as he said that, he was whisked away by several ladies and stuffed in a locker room with a huge fluffy bathrobe, and figured he might as well roll with it. He'd just taken off his shirt when Tony walked in from another room. Wearing just his boxers. They were skintight. And black. And perfectly outlined the round, perfect curve of his-

"Look! Slippers and hot towels too!" 

"Oh." Steve turned around to face the wall, feeling like steam was coming out of his ears. Thankfully, the next time he sneaked a peek, Tony was throwing on his bathrobe. 

Surprisingly, Steve enjoyed the spa day. Really enjoyed it. It was so relaxing to be waited on, hand and foot, literally. And it felt really nice doing it next to Tony. They made lazy, casual conversation sometimes, and sometimes just sat next to each other in a steam room or during a foot rub, silent and tranquil. It felt like something a couple might do. 

"So?" Tony shoulder-bumped Steve on their way out, back to the car. "Was that as horrible as you imagined?" 

"I'm _so_ glad you made me do that." Steve felt like a bowl of noodles, like all his bones were rubber, like a puddle of water on the floor. He couldn't remember ever feeling this relaxed in his life. "It's like I'm a new person." 

" **Good**." Tony poked Steve, who didn't even feel it through the jelly that was his arm. "I can't believe _you're_ the same guy who had a stick up his butt when we first met." 

"Yeah." Steve cringed every time he thought back to that day. "If I ever get that high and mighty again, I need you to repulsor blast me in the butt." 

"Not the money-maker!" Tony shielded Steve's backside from an imaginary foe, making them both laugh. "I'll just make sure you can't watch next season's Iron Chef." 

"I'll take the repulsor blast, thanks." Steve joked. 

"I wasn't much better." Tony opened the car door for them and they got in. "So, that means you need to give me a good ol' Captain America knock-out next time I act like everyone else is beneath me." 

"I'll just hide the coffee machine for a week." Tony pouted, and Steve held out a hand. "So, we'll watch out for each other?" 

"Deal." Tony took Steve's hand and shook it. "Pals." 

"Pals." Steve leaned back in his seat, wondering what it would be like if Tony Stark was more than just a pal.

They ended the afternoon with an early dinner at an Italian restaurant near the hotel. It wasn't fancy, in fact the place was a little worn down. The food was good, but not spectacular. However, Steve cherished every moment of it, if only to see the shine in Tony's eyes while he excitedly translated the Italian menu to Steve, recommending certain dishes and telling him all about his mother's Italian heritage. It was while Tony was (incorrectly) reciting the words to an old Italian lullaby his nanny used to sing to him, that Steve thought to himself, _I could listen to him all day._ Unfortunately, that's right when their fun had to come to an end. They both turned to Tony's watch when it beeped. 

"Damn." Tony frowned at his wrist, "That's Jarvis reminding me that I need to head to the airport soon. Jet's packed and ready." Steve's heart sank, but then he thought of something. 

"Let me drop you off." Steve suggested. Tony looked taken aback. 

"You...you really don't have to." Tony mumbled. "I had a great birthday today. You don't have to keep me company just because you feel bad." 

"Feel bad?" Steve was confused. 

"You know. Because we missed my birthday." Tony looked down. "I know you're only hanging out with me because you have this sense of responsibility or whatever." He waved his hand in the air as if to explain it. 

"That's not it at all." Steve reached out and placed his hand on Tony's knee, "You're my friend. I **want** to hang out with you. And I want to see you off. It has nothing to do with feeling bad. What happened to being pals?" 

"Eh. You sure?" Tony looked up, "Usually people can't wait to get rid of me. I've been talking your ear off for the last two hours." 

"I had a great time." Steve stood up and motioned for Tony to follow. They walked back the couple of blocks to the hotel, Steve explaining something to Tony on the way. "You know I really enjoy that you talk to me so much, right? I don't want you to stop just because you feel that you're annoying me or anything. You aren't annoying at all. In fact, I don't know where I'd be without you." Tony slipped his hands in his pockets, but kept quiet to listen. "You gave me a place to stay, made sure I was safe on this trip, in more ways than one. You even offered to visit when I was feeling real' low. I couldn't ask for a better friend. So I want to hear _everything_ you have to say, alright?" He poked Tony's arm, which made the smaller man chuckle. "No holding back." 

"Okay." Tony smiled to himself. 

They reached the hotel, but instead of walking towards the waiting drivers, Steve led Tony to the parking garage. 

"There she is." Steve went to stand by his bike. 

"You want to take me to the airport in _THAT_?"

"You fixed her up! You know it's safe! Plus," Steve grabbed his helmet off the lock and placed it on Tony's head. "See! Now you're extra safe. Promise I won't drive over a hundred." 

"And you think _I'm_ the crazy one." Tony smirked back, but followed Steve's lead and sat behind the soldier. They took off, Tony holding Steve's waist tight. Steve relished the contact, knowing it would be the last time in a while that someone would hold him. Tony must've been lost in thought, or distracted, or sleepy - because soon Steve felt a heavy weight on his back - Tony leaning on him - and a thumb sweeping slowly over his stomach. He wanted to place his hand over Tony's. Wanted to pull him closer, feel all of him. Wanted to pull off the road, get off the bike and hold Tony back, to tell him to stay, to spend one more night and fly back in the morning. Wanted to tell Tony to always hold him, even when they weren't racing down the road at 80 miles an hour, even when he wasn't consoling him, crying over lost time and desperation. But he didn't do any of that, because he didn't want the small but precious feeling to go away. He didn't want to break whatever spell was currently letting him have this perfect moment. So he just enjoyed it, until they reached the runway. 

Tony's plane was waiting, so Steve parked right under the entrance ramp. They both got off the bike, and the air was thick and hard to breathe in. Steve tried not to look completely distraught when he turned Tony around to unclip the helmet, pulling it up and off. Before he knew what he was doing, his hand was in Tony's hair, his fingers running through the soft, fluffy mane, smoothing out the helmet hair. Steve knew he should pull away, but he let himself feel close to the scientist just one more time. 

"I'll miss you." As the words came out, he thought back to the day he left the tower. It didn't hurt this much back then, to say goodbye. 

"I'll miss you too." Tony leaned back into Steve's hand, which had made its way to the short hairs on the other side of his neck. Then he was leaning forward, and closing his eyes. Poor Tony must be exhausted, after this long weekend. Steve took the hint and wrapped Tony up in a hug. The other man stiffened. He...must not have been expecting that? Surely Steve wasn't taking this too far, they'd been so close all weekend. But after a second, Tony's hands found their way around Steve too. It felt...wrong, out of sync. Like Steve had missed something, some clue. They broke their awkward hug and Tony smiled his best press smile. Steve could tell he was looking a little disappointed through it. All the same, Tony walked up the stairs, turned around to wave goodbye, then the doors closed and the jet was tugged onto the strip and took off. Steve watched until it was just a dot in the sky, then it was gone.


	12. When I see your name on my screen...

"I can't believe it. I must be the most delusional man on the planet. I should just crawl into a hole and **die!** " 

"Calm down, Tones. It's not the end of the world." 

"I tried to KISS HIM. It was _so_ awkward. He didn't even say anything after, I just up and left, like the moron I am."

"You're being dramatic. He probably didn't even notice." 

"Don't tell me I'm being dramatic! You weren't even there! You don't know! There was so much tension!" 

"Like, good tension? So maybe he likes you but didn't realize you were trying to kiss him." Tony had called Rhodey the moment the jet doors closed, and he couldn't believe how laid back he was being about all this. Just saying stuff like that as if it was no big deal. 

"What the hell is _good_ tens- are you even listening to me??" Tony squawked out, "He's straight! He doesn't like me like that." 

"Are you sure he's straight?" Rhodey rolled his eyes. "Did he come out and tell you that, or are you just assuming?"

"Just look at him!"

"I don't even know what that means." 

"You don't understand..." Tony threw his face into his hands and groaned. How could he let this happen? He'd gone and ruined the whole weekend, all because he couldn't control himself when it came time to say goodbye. 

"Look." Rhodey put on his best Colonel voice. "Here are the facts. You just finished telling me how the two of you spent the entire weekend on what amounts to a couple's vacation." Rhodey put his hand up to the video screen when he saw Tony try to argue. "And don't think I haven't seen your Instagram post of the two of you half naked together. Nice Caltech shorts, by the way. Did you even see the way he's looking at you in that picture? He basically has heart eyes. And you expect me to believe he isn't even a little bit interested after all that?" 

"He said the word _'friendship'_ about a million times this weekend. He was just happy to have made a friend. Now he won't even want to be friends anymore." Tony was on the verge of tears.

"I'm sure you're exaggerating." Rhodey tried to settle his fears. "He hugged you. If he was put off by a kiss, he would've pulled away, or pushed you off. Did he do that? Explain exactly how it happened, it was probably a misunderstanding."

"So we had just gotten off the bike." 

"Where you were holding him through the entire ride." 

"And he took off my helmet, then he was just - I don't know. Running his fingers through my hair, I guess?" 

"As platonic friends do." 

"Then he said he would miss me, I said I'd miss him too. His hand was still in my hair. He was like, holding the back of my neck..." Tony reached back and touched the same spot with one hand, remembering the sensation. "And it just felt right, so I closed my eyes and leaned in, but next thing I know we're hugging and then, that's that. He pulled away and then I just left." 

"And somehow you still think he's straight." 

"UGH."

"Sounds like he's either really dense, or wanted to kiss you and chickened out. I'm sure you're making this way bigger in your head than it really is, knucklehead." Tony tried to think back to that moment, but just then his phone dinged. 

"Fuck. He just texted me."

"What's it say??" Rhodey pulled his screen close to his face, suddenly interested in the conversation. Tony nervously opened the message. 

_S: Hey, just got back to the hotel. The room is way too big without you, haha.  
S: Have Jarvis text me when you land, ok? I might be asleep by then, but just so I know.  
S: Have a safe flight :)  
_

Tony looked it over. He read it a few times. When he heard Rhodey yelling at him to 'Hurry! Show me!' he held up the screen to the video camera on his flight table. 

"Oh. You guys are definitely dating." 

"Shut up, James." Tony took the phone back and held it in his lap. He smiled. Maybe he hadn't ruined everything after all.

_7-9-12_

_  
T: just got home._

_S: K. Goodnight._

_T: goodnight_

_S: I hope your meeting is going well. Can't be any worse than trying to leave LA during rush hour._

_T: it's always rush hour in LA. I'm sure no one will argue if you strap the Shield to your back and speed in the emergency lane. If anyone stops you, just say it's Avengers business 😈_

_S: You're a great role model.  
S: The kids must love you._

_T: they do! I'll have you know I get the most fan mail from ages 5-12. don't be jealous though. you're killing it with the 55-80 year old crowd._

_S: Ha. Ha._

_  
T: meeting sucked by the way.  
T: wish you were here. Most of the board members are 55-80 year olds. They're just your type. _

_S: Ew. A little young for me, don't you think?_

_T: that's right. We've got to find you a foxy 90 year old._

_S: 😂  
S: Sorry to hear, about the meeting.  
S: Maybe if you weren't so busy checking out old ladies 😂_

_T: Hey, I'm just trying to be a good friend over here and get you some action.  
T: So old and rich, not your type. Noted. 📝 What's your type then?_

_S: Hey, I never said no to the rich part!  
S: I don't really know.  
S: brunettes? _

_T: wow  
T: going back into another meeting  
T: I'll be sure to bring up that Captain America is a gold digger_

_S: no one will believe you 😈_

_T: 😮_

__

_7-10-12 : Santa Barbara, CA_

_S: Some old Hollywood director guy came and sat with me during lunch. Wanted to know if I'd be interested in starring as a sniper in a Navy movie._

_T: did you say yes? will you be starting your career as a dreamboat movie star?_

_S: No way! I respectfully declined.  
S: He was pretty persistent though. Followed me to a bakery after to ask me if I was sure, so I'm skipping town early today. _

_T: probably for the best. for the record, I think you'd look stunning in a Navy uniform._

_S: 🤢_

_T: 😂  
_

_  
T: ignore me if you're driving  
T: got home early from the office today by some miracle  
T: early being 'before 9pm'  
T: so now I'm watching old Navy movies.  
T: it's a good thing you turned down the role - those hollywood guys suck anyway.  
T: you should start with a small indie movie  
T: still dressed in crackerjacks though 😉_

_  
S: Sorry, yeah I was driving. Just found a town by the coast, so I'm stopping for the night.  
S: Glad you got a little time off. Even if it is just an afternoon.  
S: No way, I'm Army for life.  
S: I would be no good out on the water anyways. 70 years was enough for me, thanks.  
S: Plus, I had more than enough of the acting life back in my USO days. I don't miss it at all.  
S: You're probably asleep now. Have a good night.  
_

_7-11-12 : Pismo Beach, CA_

_  
S: This place is really pretty. Pismo Beach. You should come check it out sometime if you haven't already.  
_

_  
T: fuck, I fell asleepp on the couch and ur txt woke me up. Omw to a meeting now, running late but ill txt ulater  
_

_  
T: thank god you get up so fucking early. i would've still been asleep and missing this meeting._

_S: And now you're texting instead of paying attention?_

_T: Don't need to pay attention. I already know what these morons are saying.  
T: Just need to be here so they don't try to outvote me _

_S: Sounds stressful._

_T: you have no idea.  
T: So you're near some great wineries if you're feeling up to it  
T: u should ask jarvis to set up some tastings for u_

_S: Yes, I think I will, thanks. Get back to your meeting. Have a good day 🙂  
_

_  
T: meeting break  
T: by the way  
T: I still have some of your USO films at dad's old mansion _

_S: Oh hell_

_T: don't worry 😁 I won't show anyone  
T: they're just for me 😈 _

_S: that's so embarrassing_

_T: nonsense. You were a brilliant performer  
T: costume design could've used some work though  
T: that reminds me, you're coming down to the lab as soon as you get back. Need to update your uniform.  
T: it's cute that SHIELD tried, but in terms of protection they might as well have just thrown you in a potato sack. _

_S: it wasn't that bad_

_T: don't worry, I won't take away your boob star. Just making you a little more bulletproof  
T: or in this case, alien blaster proof_

_S: thanks  
S: sounds like you've got enough on your plate already though_

_T: these meetings will be done in less than a week anyway, for better or for worse_

_S: hope it's for the better_

_T: me too_

_7-12-12 : Monterey, CA_

_  
S: More meetings today?_

_T: the old farts wanted to have session without me and pepper. they're conspiring something. It's fine though, at least I get a day off._

_S: sheesh. you want me to come beat up some bad guys for you?_

_T: as much as I'd love to watch you punch these geezers in the face, they're just greedy, not evil._

_S: don't really see the difference_

_T: 😊  
T: distract me instead  
T: what u doing today?_

_S: looking for some more seafood  
S: you got me addicted after that sushi  
S: should be in San Francisco tomorrow, hope they have some good restaurants_

_T: oh! Go to fisherman's wharf!  
T: get shrimp and crabs  
T: now I'm hungry for seafood _

_S: sorry 😇_

_T: don't play innocent  
T: we all know you're secretly a little shit _

_S: I don't know what you're talking about  
S: 💩_

_T: oh Lord  
T: wish I'd never taught you texting or emojis _

_S: shut up  
S: you know you love it  
S: 😎 _

_T: 🤐  
T: Pep's calling, g2g  
T: ttyl? _

_S: was looking up what g2g and ttyl stand for.  
S: yeah. Talk to you later_

_T: busy?_

_S: No, just jumped in bed.  
S: Long day?_

_T: it was a disaster after pepper called  
T: this company is more trouble than it's worth_

_S: I don't know  
S: I hear it's worth a whole lot_

_T: Yeah, but what's the point of owning it when I can't even do what I want_

_S: Sounds like that's above my pay grade_

_T: sorry  
T: it's all boring stuff. We can talk about something else._

_S: no, vent away.  
S: it'll make you feel better. And I've been told I'm a pretty good listener. _

_T: can I video call you?_

_S: of course  
S: let me just put on a shirt _

_T: nooooooo_

_S: 😂  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole 'didn't realize the other was leaning in for a kiss' trope is totally real. I should know: it happened to me and my husband right before we started dating 🤣🤣 that night ended so weird and I didn't know why until weeks later when he finally told me he'd gone in for a kiss and I misread that. (He thought that night was a date, I thought it was just two good buddies hanging out. Yes-I'm dense.) 
> 
> Anyways, hope y'all liked the short update, I'll have more up soon! Had a bit of writer's block earlier this week but it's getting better.


	13. Give me a ride, Shellhead

Steve sat up, threw on an undershirt and fixed his hair a little before turning on the lamp next to his bedside and accepting Tony's video chat. He wanted to look presentable, after all.

"Hey."

"Hey," Steve laid on his stomach, stuffing a pillow under his chest so he could comfortably keep the phone propped up in front of him. "Bad day?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about it." 

So they stayed up for a while, Tony telling Steve about his troubles that day. Apparently there was some important project that Tony was trying to get approved, but a lot of the board members were against it because it wouldn't be profitable for the company. Today, those members decided to hold their own meeting, where they scheduled a town hall for next week, inviting some of the biggest shareholders, without consulting or inviting Tony. 

"Can't you just show up anyways? It's your company, after all." 

"Yeah. I could." Tony sighed, "But they're saying that what I'm proposing is action against the good of the company, and they want to discuss it **objectively.** " He threw some air-quotes up with his hands. "Which means without my input, and Pepper says it would be a good idea to stay out of that meeting, at least to save face. It just sucks because that's the day before they vote on it." Tony's screen shuffled around a bit before settling down again, pillows behind him. Steve could tell he was in bed now too. 

"I'm sure you'd never do anything that would hurt the company." 

"They're saying it won't make the shareholders money. But I'm not doing it to make money though..."

"You can't tell me what it is?" 

"I could..." Tony looked down, "Don't wanna talk about it right now though. It would take a while to explain, and there's nothing you could do anyways. I just need a distraction, you know?" 

"Yeah." Steve could definitely be that for Tony. He thought for a second, and grinned mischievously. "Guess what? I started a list."

"A list? Sounds ominous." 

"Everyone who recognized me these last few weeks recommended movies and music I should listen to, you know, to catch up with the times. An old couple recommended I watch LOST." He knew he was goading Tony on, in reality most people had warned him to stay the hell away from that show, as it wasn't worth the time. "They said it has a satisfying ending." 

"Oh no!" Tony's eyes went wide with interest, just how Steve hoped they would. He enjoyed making Tony go on one of his rants, especially if it would help lift his spirits. "What did I tell you about listening to strangers, Steve?! They were obviously messing with you. You need to send me that list so I can curate it. I'm not letting you waste your time on, say, Star Trek Enterprise, when you should just be watching the originals." 

"There's more than one Star Trek?" 

"Oh God, don't get me started, Spangles." 

"I'm getting you started." Steve settled in, knowing it would be a long night, but completely worth it.

### 

7-13-12

### 

Last night, he'd had the foresight to set an alarm for this morning so he wouldn't sleep in again and miss his checkout. He was still a little tired though, seeing how he stayed up for hours talking to Tony. They chatted about all the things Steve should watch and listen to when he got back to the tower. Tony even made Steve a playlist of his favorite music through the ages while they were on the phone, and had Jarvis set it up to play while he drove to San Francisco today. 

At the end of their conversation, when it felt like the rest of the world had long ago gone to sleep and it was just the two of them under the stars, Steve was feeling brave. He always liked when Tony would call him fun new nicknames. It was clever, and he saw it as Tony's way of showing that he cared. Secretly, he'd come up with a few himself for the other man, though he'd never been bold enough to use any of them. They were both yawning and struggling to keep their eyes open, when Steve internally said 'fuck it' and decided he wanted to show the scientist that he cared too. 

"Losing your wind there, Twister?" Steve asked as Tony yawned into his pillow again. 

"Hm?" Tony opened his eyes and looked at Steve. God, those beautiful eyes shone even in the dark, small tears glistening in them from trying to stay awake. "Twister?"

"Yeah." Steve blushed. "You remind me of a tornado sometimes, flying in and out of places, leaving everything in chaos behind you." 

"Hee." Tony smiled, his laugh lines only making his eyes even more adorable. "Then you're a Winghead. 'Cuz you have wings on all your helmets, so you think you can fly too. Dummy." He squinted at Steve. "'Tasha told me how you jumped out of that plane after me, didn't know you were so obsessed with me. You could've just asked for a lift, you know." 

"Hey, I was trying to catch Loki and Thor, same as you." Steve's face heated up more, wondering if Ironman really would have given him a ride. How would they have done that? Would he have wrapped his robotic arms around Steve's waist? He supposed he could slide his own arms around Ironman's shoulders, but then they would be face to face..."But uh," Steve blinked, trying to get that image out of his head. "Well you're Shellhead then."

"Like a turtle?" 

"Haha, yeah. Stuck in that shell of yours. Even when you aren't in the Ironman suit, you just put on a work suit. Stuck, see?." 

"Mmm...yeah, I don't get it. But this turtle is gonna go back into his shell and get some shut eye."

"Mmkay. Goodnight Shellhead."

"Goodnight Winghead."

And they hung up, Steve instantly missing Tony already. But he fell into an easy sleep, warmed by how close the two were becoming.

Now, in the harsh daylight, Steve loaded up his bike, yearning for the day he could go back to the tower and be there for the other man. It seemed like Tony was having a hard time with work lately, and Steve hated being so far away, not able to do much of anything. Speeding onto the road, he considered what he could get for Tony in the next town to cheer him up. Maybe a postcard? Apparently, anything could be sent through mail very quickly nowadays. He'd have to think of the perfect gift. He pondered it while listening to the music Tony loaded up for him, humming along to the catchy rock tunes that the man seemed to prefer. A couple hours later, as he was coming up on the Golden Gate Bridge, he realized - why was he even still here?

Sure, he still had a long way to go before finishing the trip he'd planned. Ideally, he wanted to continue up to Canada, and then make his way back down, touring the Northernmost states before ending up back to New York. But he'd set off on this journey because he wanted to find a reason to live. He had friends and a sense of purpose back in 1945. With all that gone, he needed to make his own way in this new world. But he'd been away long enough - he knew where he wanted to be, and knew where his friends and purpose were now. 

"Mmmmmphhh...why are you calling so early..."

"Tony, it's 1 PM." 

"Earlyyy...." Steve chuckled, yeah. He supposed they did stay up pretty late last night and he was only fine because he didn't need as much sleep, being a supersoldier. 

"So. What's this I hear about you having a jet in every major city?"

"What!" Tony was suddenly wide awake. "You're coming home?!" 

"Yeah." That sounded right. Home. "Get me home, Shellhead."

They agreed that Steve would leave on a plane tomorrow afternoon, despite Tony's insistence that 'a pilot could be ready in 10 minutes, what are you waiting for, Slowpoke? I thought I was the turtle around here!' Steve said he wanted to check out San Fransisco first, since he was already here. Really, he wanted to make sure to get everyone gifts before heading back. 

So he spent the next day taking in the sights and looking for the perfect gift for everybody. It was easy to get the rest of the Avengers done - he got Nat a bracelet he knew she'd been eyeing when she took him shopping. Clint got a complete LEGO set of himself that had just been released. He didn't know when Thor or Bruce's birthdays were, but didn't want them to feel left out, so he got Bruce a nice and intricate tea collection he found, and figured Thor would be happy with a little replica of his hammer that served as a bottle opener. 

What do you get the man who has everything? He wandered around shops for hours, trying to find the perfect gift, but couldn't imagine anything that Tony didn't already have. He was about to give up and just get an oversized Ironman plush toy, when he decided to grab dinner at Fisherman's Wharf like Tony had suggested. Maybe some food would clear his head.

He hadn't been kidding about the seafood - the crab here was amazing. Steve ate shellfish until he was stuffed, which was quite a mountain of food, and garnered the attention of the chef who invited him into the kitchen for a special treat. As Steve watched the chef work his magic, preparing a fresh and delicious ceviche, he came up with an idea. 

After thanking all the kitchen staff for the wonderful meal and asking them for some recommendations, he drove to a shop just a few minutes away. There, he found what he was looking for. They even put everything in a bright red bag for him. Excited about his find, he made his way back to his hotel to start getting ready for his trip back. 

7-14-12

Steve spent his last day in San Francisco hiking through Muir woods and onto the beach. He found that his favorite parts about these trips were the times he could be outdoors and appreciate nature. It was something new he'd found out about himself, and was grateful for having the chance to discover that. He'd spent his whole youth in the city. After the serum, any time in nature was during the war, either looking for or hiding from the enemy, both situations too stressful to enjoy.

Sitting on a bench overlooking the sea, he took out his notebook and flipped to a blank page, starting a list. 

__

_\- I like the outdoors_

_\- I like seafood, a lot_

_\- I don't like crowds very much_

_\- I'm better at sketching people and objects than landscapes *NOTE: practice with paints/pastels (maybe need more color/shading?)_

_\- I like hugs (touch?)_

_\- I have anxiety, but I can work to improve that part of myself_

_\- Less nightmares when I'm happy/not stressed_

_\- I like spa days_

_\- I want to learn to cook more things_

_\- I want to start watching baseball again_

_\- I like SOME new music *NOTE: Ask Jarvis for help to learn dancing?_

He looked through his list. All things he'd learned about himself on this trip. It was interesting, a lot of these things he learned just in the small amount of time he was around Tony. The other man really liked to test his limits and though Steve was usually hesitant, he appreciated the push. Snapping his notebook shut, he started to make his way back to his bike. It was time to head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hate on LOST, sorry!! 😅 I haven't even watched it, actually. That's just what I've heard. If you love Lost, let me know why in the comments and I might give it a shot once I have some free time!


	14. Sleepyhead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, there's going to be technical stuff in this chapter, but it's not all that important. It's just to feed into the plot. Again, don't think too hard :)

Of course Tony would make his trip back home as embarrassingly extravagant as possible. Steve was blushing furiously at the half dozen flight attendants assigned to make his trip 'as pleasurable as humanly possible' (their words, not his.) It was ridiculous! He was the only passenger! They kept asking if he would like a cigar, a bottle of cognac, some caviar, a magazine, a facial. Steve was reeling at all the offers, wanting to sit back and relax, but being too polite to ask them to leave him the hell alone. When they finally landed that night, Steve was exhausted from the constant barrage and couldn't wait to get to his room to finally get some rest after this long day. When he walked off the jet stairs, though, a familiar face was waiting for him. 

"Hey hotshot."

"I'm not a superstar, Tony." As annoyed as he had been a moment ago, he couldn't help but smile wide, he hadn't expected to see Tony today at all. "I really didn't need the royal treatment just to get here." 

"Nonsense." Tony waved him over to the car and driver currently packing up his bags and bike. "Just wanted you to see what you've been missing." Steve walked right up to Tony and hugged him tight, feeling the smaller man hug back, and it didn't feel as awkward as last time, when they were saying goodbye. Maybe it was easier now, because Steve was certain of where he belonged. They both got in the car and were off, Steve grateful that he didn't need to try to stay alert on his bike at this late hour. As excited as he was, he began to nod off to the rhythmic sound of the tires on pavement, and the dull shine of highway lights passing them by. He closed his eyes and let himself rest for a bit, guessing that Tony wouldn't mind the quiet drive home. Steve had guessed wrong, apparently.

"Such a sleepyhead."

"I wouldn't be so tired if your guys had let me rest on the plane, Shellhead." Steve liked their banter, wished it was a more regular occurrence in his life.

"Hey, hey. No need to get upset at your Sugar Daddy for wanting to take care of you." 

"Mm." Steve hummed, cheeks heating up at the idea. Tony being his sugar daddy. Tony being his anything. Tony being _his._ It was a heady thing to think about. He must've fallen asleep in the middle of that thought, because in the next moment, someone was squeezing his arm. 

"Come on, honey. Time to get up." 

"Huh?" Steve snorted and blinked his eyes open, they were already outside the tower. He'd fallen over onto Tony's shoulder at some point, snoring on the poor guy. "Shit, sorry about that. Guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"It's okay." Tony said in an uncharacteristically soothing tone. "Let's get you upstairs." They silently made their way inside and into the elevator. Steve guessed someone would bring his bags up and put away his bike. Tony held on to Steve's arm the entire way up, likely making sure he wouldn't nod off again and fall over. Steve could've gotten up on his own, but didn't want Tony to pull away, so instead he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, letting the other man dote on him. All too soon, they were in front of his bedroom door. 

"Need any help getting to bed?" Tony asked, looking up at Steve with wide eyes. God, Steve would've loved to say yes. Maybe Tony would help him change. Maybe tuck him in. Maybe he'd see that Steve missed him so much, and offer to stay. Cuddle. But no, he was so tired, he couldn't trust himself to do the right thing right now. 

"I think I've got it. Thank you for picking me up, and taking care of me. I'll see you tomorrow?" That wasn't too much to ask, was it? 

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow." Tony tapped Steve's chest with one hand, and then let go of him and took a step back, Steve missed the contact. "Get some rest." 

Steve walked inside and closed the door behind him, hearing Tony slip out. He got into his own soft, comfortable bed, and fell asleep in a heartbeat.

7-15-12

Steve woke up a little late, refreshed, and ready to start the day. Thankfully, he'd decided not to let SHIELD know he was back yet, though he was sure Fury already knew. He'd take another week off work, at least to get readjusted again, now that he had the time.

He looked at his phone and realized it was Sunday anyways. Wow, he'd really lost track of his days. That meant everyone should be in the tower today, usually Sundays was the team's lazy day and no one wanted to go out. He decided to go down to the communal kitchen, sure that someone would be there making breakfast. When he walked out to his living room, he was pleased to find that someone had indeed brought up his things, and so he fetched everyone's presents, hoping to find them all soon and say hi, as he'd gotten in too late yesterday to run into anyone but Tony.

When he got to the communal area, though, he was bombarded by all the Avengers at once. 

"Surprise!!" He looked around, the whole team was in the doorway, behind them were presents, balloons, streamers and a variety of cakes and food. 

"What's all this? Steve wondered, "Did I miss another birthday?" 

"It's for you, our world traveler!" Clint came up and plucked the presents from his hands, placing them on the gift table. "You're not supposed to bring presents to your own 'Welcome Home' party you know." 

"A welcome home party?" Steve was still dumbfounded. 

"Yes. A party. For you. Get with the program, Cap." Tony came to his side and gave him a little shove with his elbow. "You're not still tired are you? Jarvis said you just got up."

"Just...wasn't expecting this." Steve couldn't believe it. His teammates - no - his _friends_ were throwing a party for him! Because they'd missed him! "Thank you all so much. I missed you all." He beamed as everyone came up to greet him with hugs and cheer and laughter. Apparently Bruce got the memo about Steve's newfound love of Indian food, and had prepared a spread big enough to feed an army - which was, surprisingly, enough for Steve and Thor's appetites. As they ate, everyone asked Steve all about his adventures. Thor was excited to hear about his days through New Mexico, exclaiming that he would like to take Jane Foster back someday. Clint teased and pondered how many 'little Captains' would spring up in 9 months, Steve just rolled his eyes at him. Natasha filled him in on all the SHIELD gossip he'd missed. 

After they ate, Steve opened his gifts, most of them small things to make his home life more special - a warm blanket, some house slippers, some candles. The team said it was so he wouldn't 'try to leave them' again. He just laughed - as if he would ever try to leave this wonderful new life he had. He started to pass out his own gifts to everyone, when Tony got up and announced that it was time for him to head out. 

"Really?" Steve got up after him, chasing him to the elevators. "We haven't even had cake yet." 

"Sorry, Cap." Tony started to put on his shoes and sunglasses. "Work stuff, you know." 

"On a Sunday?" 

"It's..." Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I wish I could stay, I really do. This is just a really busy week. I promise I'll make it up to you." 

"Okay." Steve would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little dejected. But he really couldn't blame Tony, he knew how busy the businessman was. "I'll save you some cake." Tony smiled at that, and clapped Steve on the shoulder. 

"It better be that strawberry shortcake. Don't let the hounds get to it." He raised an eyebrow in Thor's direction. 

"Deal." 

Then Tony was gone. Steve turned around and headed back to the party, trying his best to keep a big smile on his face when he walked in.

Overall, it was a good first day back. Great, even. Almost perfect. They ate cake (after Steve stealthily hid the shortcake away- thankfully Tony had ordered several small cakes this time to avoid certain people from finishing it all.) Clint showed Steve some video games and they played for a while. They all watched old Disney movies together, Thor asking hilarious questions about animal communication, only slightly confused when everyone had to explain to him that deer and rabbits can't actually talk. Then they all shared an early dinner and went their separate ways to get ready for the work week. So yeah, a good, good day. 

If only...ugh. Steve should be thrilled. He's been so lonely these past few weeks, and really, he did feel a lot better now that he was home, surrounded by loving, caring friends. But he still felt a little empty for some reason. After showering and changing, he threw himself back into his bed. The sun hadn't even set yet. He wondered what Tony was up to.

"Hey, Jarvis?" 

"Yes, Captain?" 

"Um. If it's not too much trouble.." was he being clingy again? "I mean if Tony isn't busy when he gets home tonight..maybe could you let me know when he gets in?" 

"Actually Captain, Sir arrived at his penthouse not long ago, and has forgotten to eat since this morning's activities, despite my repeated insistence. I believe another gentle reminder would be beneficial for everyone. You do have authority to enter the penthouse at your leisure." 

"Great idea, Jarvis. Thank you." Steve smiled and jumped up, heading back down to the communal kitchen. Thankfully there were a lot of leftovers from Bruce's cooking, and Steve grabbed the cake he hid earlier, threw everything in some bags and headed to the elevators. He bounced on his heels on the way up, a bit nervous about seeing Tony, but they had been talking for weeks now! So it's okay, right? I mean, it was only through text and a few times through video calls. But, it wouldn't be weird now that it was in person, would it? No, of course not, everything was fine when we hung out in LA. Shoot, maybe I should have asked first if I can come up. Maybe I should stop at my floor and give him a heads up-

By the time Steve decided to stick his hand out to the elevator buttons, it was too late. The doors opened to Tony's penthouse, and Jarvis informed him that he tried to let his creator know that Steve was here, but to no avail, Tony was too engrossed in his work to respond. He walked over to the kitchen/bar slowly, eyeing the gorgeous and expensive looking decor on the way. Every little detail was perfect, as if it hadn't all been destroyed by a god only months ago. A little too perfect. Not a thing out of place, or a speck of dust to be found, as if it was all staged, as if no one lived there. Steve wondered if Tony ever even used this area. Deciding that Tony likely wouldn't eat today without some intervention, he got to work heating up the leftovers, plating everything, and placed it all on a TV tray he found neatly folded in the pantry. 

"Uh...Tony?" He called out to no one. If Jarvis hadn't helped him out, he wouldn't have thought Tony was home at all.

"Sir is in his quarters at the end of the hall, the last door to the right." Steve followed the instructions and stopped at the door. Going inside might be too bold. He balanced the tray with one hand and knocked lightly with the other. In response, he heard something fall and some shuffling. Afraid of disturbing something important...or private...he called out through the door. 

"Hey it's me. Steve. Sorry, don't want to bother but Jarvis said you hadn't eaten. I have some food for you. I can leave it out here if you-" 

"Uh. Oh." He heard from the other side of the door. Then he heard some quiet, muffled arguing. If he didn't have his super senses heightened he may not have heard, but it was obvious to him that Tony was arguing with Jarvis about checking up on him. Maybe he shouldn't have come after all, maybe this was over the line- "Uh, yeah." Tony spoke back up, louder so that Steve could hear him. "Come on in. Door's open." 

Steve nervously opened the door to the surprisingly cozy bedroom. It was small, looked nothing like the rest of the penthouse. There were clothes in piles and nothing elegant to speak of other than the huge and out of place looking bed. Tony was sitting up in the bed, leaning against the exquisite mahogany headboard, surrounded by a mountain of pillows and blue hologram screens. Scattered around the bed were huge textbooks and important looking papers littering the floor. He was reading through an article on a hologram when he looked up, swiping it to the side and pulling up a chart with his other hand.

"J, pull up all Stark patents between 74' and now. May be something useful there. Search all key phrases and get back to me." 

"Yes, sir." 

Steve took a good look at Tony. He looked...worn out. Hair disheveled from raking sweaty hands through it, eyes red and dry from overuse, and he was still in his full suit that he left in this morning, as rumpled as it was. He was stretching himself too thin, and Steve just wanted to pull him close and pet his tired head until he got some rest, but instead he walked over, careful not to kick over a pile of books on the way, and set up the TV tray on the bed next to Tony. He wondered if Tony would even eat, even notice he was there, or would mind if Steve fed him, took care of him. He was about to open his mouth to say something, anything, when Jarvis spoke up again. 

"Nothing of note in the patents, sir. I also took the liberty of searching all patents related to designs from that Stark Expo, with no results. Shall I search further back?" 

"FUCK." Tony buried his face in his hands, letting out an angry groan, "NO! Everything before THIS elemental version of the reactor is obsolete. We have to try something else." Tony rubbed his fists into his eyes, frustrated. Steve couldn't help it, he reached out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Tony jerked his head back up at the touch, seemingly having forgotten already that Steve was there. He looked over, lost and confused. 

"Is everything okay?" Steve asked in the most delicate voice, rubbing his thumb back and forth on Tony's tense back. He saw Tony take a sharp breath, and a flash of anger in his eyes for a fraction of a second, and he thought the other man would blow up in his face. But then Tony deflated, sighed, looked down and seemed to lose all steam. 

"No." He quietly confessed, almost at the verge of tears. Steve couldn't bear to see him like this. 

"Can I help?" 

"I don't think so." Tony still wasn't looking up at him. "It's all my fault. I didn't want to make it public because I thought someone would use it to make weapons, but I didn't think giving the rights to the company would backfire like this. I just wanted the R&D team to be able to play with it. All this time I thought I wasn't being selfish, but it turns out I'm just like my dad. I'm no different than him!" Tony was getting louder and breathing harder, and Steve didn't want him to spiral. He pushed the food tray aside and sat next to Tony, pulling him into his chest, his own nerves be damned. 

"Hey, no." Steve cooed, and felt Tony tense up for a second before he buried his face into Steve's arm and let out a wet breath. "You're nothing like your dad. I would know." Steve wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but maybe this was something he could help with after all? He rubbed a hand up and down Tony's back until he seemed to relax. "You're okay. Breathe, slow down for me. How about you explain what's going on, huh? Is this about that project you've been working on?"

"Yesh." Tony muttered into Steve's armpit. Steve chuckled and pulled Tony out of there, still holding on to him with one arm, and pulled the tray of food over to them, setting it on top of his own lap. 

"Come on. Show me while you eat." 

Between bites, Tony explained everything to Steve. 

It turned out that this project was an attempt to build an arc reactor power grid for an entire city. Specifically, the capital of a country named Tajikistan, that was way on the other side of the world. That should've been simple enough of a task for a billionaire philanthropist, seeing how Tony already had a large portion of Manhattan running on reactor power, and every SI building in the world relied solely on clean reactor energy. Technically, there were no issues. The problem was that, while Tony was the inventor of the arc reactor and the new element it housed, he had given the patent rights to his company to use for clean energy, meaning they had control over what the reactor could be used for.

Usually they didn't pay any mind to Tony's personal charity projects. But when it came to this one, the company board of directors stopped him in his tracks, arguing that 'sensitive information' could be stolen and that company resources would be wasted on something that wouldn't make the shareholders any money. That's what all those meetings had been about, Tony and the board arguing over the merits of this idea. 

"Pepper is CEO, and she's on my side. But we can't do it without majority vote from the board." Tony frowned as he stuck a fork into his strawberry shortcake. No one should be this upset while eating cake, Steve thought, and vowed to himself that he would help Tony in any way possible. 

"But it's _your_ charity project. What would make them think the reactor's blueprints are in any danger?" 

"You _know_ why." Tony looked at Steve's blank expression and realized that Steve had missed out on all the xenophobic repercussions of 9/11. "Well, some people right now aren't too fond of the Middle East or countries nearby, or honestly any country with a foreign sounding name even."

"Because of the war in Afghanistan?" Steve remembered reading about that in the SHIELD packets. 

"Sort of, yeah." Tony said, "It would be like offering aid to an Italian city right after World war 2. Some racist people with money think they're all terrorists, but they're not."

"Of course." Steve knew the detrimental effects of war all too well. He'd met plenty of Italians and Germans alike who were good people during the war, trying to save as many people as possible. That didn't stop a lot of Americans from treating some Europeans and most Asian people as enemies, even those who weren't even Japanese, or even Japanese people who were clearly American citizens and had nothing to do with the war. "But don't you have SI buildings over there that aren't a security issue?"

"Exactly!" Tony threw up his hands. "That's what I've been saying! No one is going to steal any plans, and even if they did no one is smart enough to create a new element to use it! There's no security issue!"

"And it has to be that country?"

"Yes!" Tony exclaimed, "They're the perfect candidate. Every winter they have rolling blackouts from overuse. Their whole country is linked to one grid centered here." Tony excitedly pulled up a map on a hologram and showed Steve. "If I could just get the biggest city on reactor energy, then the old power system could keep going to the rest of the country, and it would save so many people. Hospitals wouldn't need to shut down, small villages wouldn't need to worry about a big freeze, just by powering this one city!" Steve looked over at Tony, swelling with pride. 

"You're not selfish at all." He smiled at Tony, who looked away. "I don't know what you were going on about earlier, but it seems like an amazing plan to me."

"Yeah well, the board isn't exactly made up of saints like you." Tony muttered. "And maybe I'm not selfish, but I'm a moron who didn't think to make the reactor my own personal patent. Then I wouldn't be fighting the board for the right to use it however I want. They won't let me build it without charging the city a crazy exorbitant rate, and at that point it would be way too expensive for anyone there to afford, and it would defeat the whole purpose of doing it." 

"So we just have to convince them otherwise." 

"It's not that easy." Tony pushed his food away, and Steve took the tray, setting it on the nightstand. "They're greedy pigs, they won't listen to reason. Once the initial building costs are out of the way, it would just be maintenance! It's cheap and efficient. But they want to make money on it. There's no need, though. We make more than enough money from the rest of our tech sales, we don't need to become an electrical company on top of that. But they see dollar signs and that's it. That's why I'm going over all this." Tony waved around at all the holograms, books and papers. "I took all the law books I had from my library, I'm trying to find some legal loophole to give me the rights to do this without their approval. My attorneys have been useless, so I have to do it myself. But I don't think it's possible. And they vote on Tuesday. I just don't think this'll happen." He put his arms back down, defeated. 

"Looks like you'll have to blast me in the butt then."

"What?" Tony shot up an eyebrow and looked at Steve, who was grinning. 

"I'm going to get all high and mighty on their asses." Steve folded his arms. "Let me talk to them." 

"You?!" Tony's eyes went wide. "No. They're vultures. They'll eat you alive." 

"Look at me!" Steve gestured wildly at his general being. "I'm the most white male American there is! Old people love me, and you _know_ I can guilt trip anybody into doing anything." 

"I don't know." Tony rubbed his chin, contemplating the idea. "These board members only answer to money, Steve. There's not a moral bone in their body." 

"Anybody can be good. Maybe they need a push in the right direction." Steve pleaded, "Let me try? Didn't you say they have a meeting tomorrow? I can go and try to reason with them." 

"That's only for board members and shareholders." 

"Then make me one of those."

"I can't just **make** you a board mem- wait. You _are_ a shareholder though." Tony fumbled to pull up another hologram screen. "I gave all of you- the Avengers- company stock when you moved in, in case of an emergency, or if I was ever cut out...so you have every right to be there... Pepper could add you to the docket...in fact if I bring in the Avengers to help build it as a charitable contribution you could even be a consultant at that point...those hounds won't say no to a big tax deduction like that...even Williams with his big fat balding head couldn't say no to SHIELD level security..."

"Ahem." Steve coughed, getting Tony's attention before he got lost in his thoughts again. "So you'll let me try to reason with them?"

"...It's a lot to ask of you Steve. Are you sure you want to do this? The meeting is tomorrow at noon, and I wouldn't be able to sit in with you to help, I'm banned from the meeting remember?" 

"Then you'll just have to teach me everything before then." Steve pulled off Tony's jacket, throwing it on a chair nearby, and pushed a few pillows behind them, getting comfortable on the bed. "Alright, professor. Where do we start?" 

Tony eyed him, cautiously. With a light blush on his ears, he swiped away all the other holograms, leaving only the map of Tajikistan behind. 

"Okay. Let's start here then."

###### 

They spent hours going over everything Tony could think of, any angle the board members might try to use to throw Steve off. Thankfully, the serum made it so that Steve could retain large amounts of information quickly, and Tony was great at explaining complex concepts in a way that made it easy to understand. They reviewed the building specs. Steve learned about power distribution and how integrating the reactor would redirect a lot of the strain from increased usage. They went over the history of US conflict in the Middle East. He taught Steve about his rights as a stockholder, in case they wanted to question his being there. It was well past midnight when they were both exhausted and slouched down, only a few fluffy pillows keeping them up and awake. 

"Read this." Tony threw a hologram at Steve and failed to stifle a big yawn. "Explains corporate charitable contributions...itemizing deductions...wake me up when you're done." Tony shuffled down, turning away and was snoring a second later. Steve smiled to himself and tried to read the article. God, it was so boring. Something about percentage limits on foreign charity...publication #529...click on the link labeled I.R.S 23-678...Steve had done so well keeping up with everything until now, but this legal stuff was incredibly mundane. He closed his eyes. Maybe if he rested for just a minute, he could keep going. 

He fell asleep moments later.


	15. Peace and War

_7-16-12_

Steve slowly drifted into consciousness. He was warm. _'Cozy.'_ He thought. Felt so comfortable and safe, there was no hurry to turn his brain on anytime soon. He laid motionless, enjoying that he wasn't worried about anything for once, content to just _be_.

...

The next time he drifted back, he was hugging his pillow. Feeling just as nice as before, but able to form thoughts now, being a little more awake. He didn't want to get up just yet, so he nuzzled his nose into his fuzzy pillow, trying to shield his eyes from the sun. Hmm....were pillows supposed to be fuzzy? He didn't know, but it was radiating warmth so he didn't really mind. Then the pillow cuddled back into his neck, and let out a little sigh. Huh. Pillows didn't usually do that. The pillow started to snore, little puffs of air tickling the skin under his ear. Okay, wait. 

With great effort, Steve forced his eyes open, pulling his head back. A sleeping Tony snorted and huddled closer, back into his neck. Steve blinked. His arms were wrapped around the smaller man, one hand in his hair, the other around his waist, gripping his side softly. 

It took just a few seconds longer for Steve's brain to reboot and realize that he was not, in fact, holding his pillow. He was holding Tony. In Tony's bed. Tony was cuddling back. Fuck. 

Even though every single cell in his body was screaming at him to stay, he knew that he needed to leave, right now. It was almost physically painful to pull away, gently setting Tony down when he whined and tried to follow the body heat, pushing a pillow into his arms instead, and pulling the covers over him. Steve walked out into the hallway, quietly closing the door, not looking back, in fear that he might be tempted to climb back into bed.

Frantically opening a few more nearby doors, he finally found a bathroom and practically ran inside. He splashed his face with ice cold water, shocking himself into being fully awake. Crap. It's not that he didn't like Tony. Quite the contrary, he'd noticed a while back that he was becoming more and more attracted to the man. Or the idea of him? He wasn't precisely sure, as they hadn't exactly spent a lot of time together. Or had they? Really, if he thought about it, Tony was the closest friend he had in the future - the now. Steve was becoming more and more used to the idea of this time being his home. Of Tony being my home. Fuck, there I go again. It always comes back to Tony, doesn't it? Get it together, Rogers. He needs you right now. What he doesn't need is all this extra...stuff...when he's going through something that's important to him. 

Steve cleaned himself up, and made his way back to his room to get ready. He'd need to be prepared if he really wanted to help Tony - his _friend_ today.

"Shit Steve it's already 10! Why did you let me fall asleep? I knew this was a bad idea, let's just call the whole thing off-" Tony burst through Steve's apartment door, and was rendered speechless at finding the supersoldier sitting at his dining room table in a full suit, next to Pepper Potts of all people. "Uh..."

"Wow, you're up early, Tony." Pepper pushed out the chair across from her with her heel. "Coffee's in the pot. Join us." Tony still hadn't moved from the entrance, still too dazed to understand what was going on. 

"Sorry, Tony." Steve got up and poured a cup for the man. "I didn't want to wake you. You needed the sleep. I hope you don't mind, I called Miss Potts-"

"Pepper." The fearsome redhead corrected.

"Right. Pepper. I called _Pepper_ this morning to help me with the technical stuff. She got me all caught up. I think I'm ready for today, thanks to you two." He walked over and smiled down at the handsome man, hair disheveled, still in half a crumpled suit, socks riding down, his cheek red and imprinted with lines from the pillow he'd set under him. Yep. Definitely handsome. 

"Oh." Tony took the cup and downed it, making his way back to the pot for a fill-up. "Okay. Well, did you guys go over the tax incentives-"

"Yes. Pepper will take care of that, mostly, but I'm prepped in case I need to be."

"And the security protocols? We changed them last night you know, after we introduced the idea of the Avengers and SHIELD-"

"Yes. Jarvis pulled that up for us and we are ready." 

"Maybe I could give you guys some earpieces so I can listen in-"

"Tony." Pepper chimed in. "I know you're worried because you won't be there, but Steve and I are ready. I think it was incredible of you to volunteer by the way, Steve. It's a good plan, a lot of these old men hold you in high regard, and that's saying something. You're very lucky to have him, Tony."

Both men blushed at that, looking anywhere but at each other, and Pepper smirked, rolling her eyes. These boys were going to make it hard on themselves, weren't they? She picked up her briefcase, walking to the door. 

"I'll need to print some paperwork before we head out. Let's meet at the SI entrance in 30 minutes, Steve? We can head over together." 

"Yes, ma'am." Pepper chuckled under her breath at the formality and closed the door behind her, leaving the two alone. 

"So." Steve didn't know what to say, now that it was just the two of them. Things didn't seem so complicated before. Now, he was struggling to find the words. He didn't want to burden Tony with another problem, but he knew he should tell Tony about the...incident. Otherwise, it would be weird, right? He was sure it wasn't exactly normal for friends to sleep cuddled up like that. It might upset Tony, but he knew that keeping it a secret would be worse. 

"Yeah, thank you-" "So I need to tell you someth-" They both spoke at the same time. Tony turned to Steve. 

"You...need to tell me something? What's up?" Tony looked up at him with his big doe eyes, and Steve sucked in a shaky breath, not sure how to phrase this. 

"We...I...uh, last night. I tried to stay up to read that last article but...I guess I must've nodded off too. And when I woke up this morning...I was still in your bed. We, uh..." He trailed off. Was it weird to say they cuddled? Did he even need to mention that part? He searched Tony's face for any indication of anger or disgust, but the other man's expression remained neutral. He didn't even realize they were standing there in silence for several seconds until Tony blinked and seemed to come back to Earth. 

"We...slept together?" 

"Y..yes? Not like-"

"No! No. I get it. Just like-"

"Yeah! Yes. Just sleeping. We uh, we cuddled. I think. I mean, I don't know. When I woke up you were, um. I was sort of- well we were cuddling. Nothing else happened. I left as soon as I woke up, and that's it." Steve fumbled through his words. "I just, thought you should know. I didn't want it to be weird. If you found out later or something. But... it's not weird is it? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened."

"No." Tony clutched his mug tighter. "No! No. Not weird at all. Why would it be weird? No. Totally fine, I understand. There's nothing to apologize for. It's no big deal between a couple of friends, right?" He put on his best press smile, and seemed to compose himself just fine. Steve was a little relieved that Tony wasn't upset, but also...felt a pang of disappointment. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he'd hoped for some other reaction?

"Right. No big deal." He looked down at his watch. It was getting late and he should really head down soon. "So, how do I look?" He turned in a circle, showing Tony his suit. "It's one of the suits Nat helped me get. Is it okay, you think?" 

"You look great. Yeah, great." Tony's gaze peered down, his hand reaching out to Steve's hip. Steve froze, eyes locked on the other's hand, shivering when he expected a touch, but didn't get one. Instead Tony yanked something off the seam of his jacket. "Price tag still stuck on. I _knew_ she took you to a cheap place! Who buys clothes with _price tags,_ sheesh. I'm taking you to my tailor as soon as you have free time. But this will do in the meantime, I suppose." 

"Oh. Good." Steve pocketed his wallet and phone, trying to recover from all this tension. "Come to the cafe with me? I want some breakfast before heading out." 

"Ugh. Who can eat this early." Tony set down his mug and slipped on Steve's fluffy slippers by the door. "Don't feel like going up to get mine." He explained. 

"It's fine." Steve smiled. He got a rush seeing Tony wearing something of his. "I'll have you eating a bowl of oatmeal every morning soon enough. Let's go." 

"Fat chance." Tony quipped back, but followed close behind. "Speaking of fat chances, let me tell you all about Williams, he'll be the worst of all." 

They had a nice breakfast, Tony prepping Steve on all the worst characters he would have to meet that day. Soon, it was time for Steve to go. 

"Remember. Worst case scenario, just text me and Ironman can show up in 5 minutes flat, claiming an Avengers emergency."

"No need. I've got this." Steve nodded at Pepper, who was waiting for him outside. "Wish me luck." 

"Good luck." Tony smiled and waved them goodbye. The moment the car was out of sight, he dashed back in, running to the closest elevator, jamming the emergency button as soon as the doors closed. 

"Sir?" 

"Jarvis. Lab. NOW." 

The lab was the closest place where he could be alone. He couldn't wait the extra 45 seconds it would take to get up to the penthouse. He sprinted to the closest open screen he found. 

"Pull up security footage of last night, my bedroom, after I fell asleep." Tony didn't keep any cameras in any of the Avenger's apartments or common living areas. His penthouse was a different story. Every inch of that space was monitored, bathroom recordings available in an emergency...or with two consenting voice verifications. Trembling with nervous energy, he watched himself on the screen as he turned away from Steve after flicking the hologram over, falling asleep almost immediately. Steve tried to read through the last article, his eyes drooping shut every few seconds. After just a couple of minutes, he slumped down and closed his eyes, hands over his stomach, likely wanting to take a break. Treacherously, Jarvis picked that moment to dim the bedroom lights, and turn off all the holograms around them. 

"Traitor." Tony called out. Jarvis remained silent. 

He sped up the footage, the screen showing that they slept on separate sides of the bed most of the night. In the early hours of the morning, Tony must have gotten cold, because he turned over, probably looking for a blanket, and found Steve's warm body instead. He watched himself scoot closer to Steve, and saw the other man stir in his sleep, turn towards Tony, and reach out, grabbing the smaller man and pulling him into his chest, wrapping him up in a bear hug. 

Tony was transfixed, it was like an out of body experience, seeing this in full HD, but not remembering a moment of it. He could almost imagine what it would feel like, to be held like that by Steve, but by some sick, twisted turn of fate, he would never really know. The footage sped through about an hour, then slowed when Steve was roused again. This time, the soldier seemed to pull Tony closer. 

Fuck. Tony pulled a chair over and sat down. He didn't think he could stand up anymore, dizzy with heartache. He wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his midsection as he watched Steve snuggle into his hair, and saw himself snuggle back, they looked so...so much like a couple. Like you would see in movies. Two happy people, in love, sharing their space and their bodies with each other. He saw Steve fully wake up, realize where he was, _who_ he was _with_. The man looked...shocked? Horrified? Tony was guessing at this point, he couldn't quite make out Steve's face, angled the other way. The supersoldier quickly slipped out of bed, nice enough to cover Tony up and leave a pillow in his place, and then all but ran out. He followed the cameras into the hallway, seeing as Steve essentially panicked, running into a bathroom. Tony sped through the video again, not willing to look at the bathroom footage, and then Steve came out soon after, looking pale, and left.

That was it. He didn't have any footage of any freak-out Steve surely must've had. But it was apparent that he called Pepper soon after. Maybe it wasn't so bad, then? Who was he kidding. Steve couldn't get out of there fast enough. He was obviously not interested. In fact, if anything, this proved how straight Steve was. Tony thought back to his conversation with Rhodey. Rhodey. Tony and him had fallen asleep next to each other after raging college parties plenty of times, and if they ever got too close, Rhodes would just push him off and go right back to sleep. Maybe Steve didn't like the touch? 

It was so confusing. Sometimes, it seemed that Steve would relax into, even enjoy physical contact. Other times, it seemed to spook him. 

"Uggghhh...What the hell." Tony got up and walked back to the elevators. He had no idea what to think anymore. He decided to go get showered and change. Maybe he could distract himself with some bad TV.

He'd been to combat strategy meetings during the war that were less tense than this. For the time being, all the yelling wasn't being directed at him, which would be comforting if not for the fact that they were dragging Tony Stark's name through the mud in the process. Williams was the worst of all.

"He's a moron! Always with the charity cases. What, he thinks this can get him out of hell? Well news flash, buddy, you're doomed anyways. Don't drag our portfolios down with you!" The ugly man bellowed, a scattered cheer following his hateful comment. Steve snapped his pencil in half with his thumb in an effort to not break the conference table under his other hand. Pepper, the angel, reached over and placed a hand on his. Her eyes locked with his, _'don't worry, you'll get your turn'_ he could almost hear her say. 

They took turns bashing Tony Stark, calling him every name in the book. Accusing him of treason. Saying he was gullible, arrogant, had grandiose delusions. It felt like an eternity of torture passed before Steve finally had the floor. He was fuming. He stood up, knowing it would catch everyone's attention, crossing his arms and eyeing the suddenly alert group. He heard a quiet _'is that Captain America?'_ and smirked internally. For the first time ever, he was glad to be recognized for his superhero persona. It seemed no one had noticed him before this moment, as every set of eyes in front of him looked on, wide with anticipation. Pepper, the dear, sweetly introduced him.

"Next on the docket, we have Mr. Steve Rogers - Shareholder, Consultant. He has a brief aside for us before we continue with the rest of the agenda."

You could hear a pin drop. Steve uncrossed his arms and stood at parade rest, puffing out his chest, the American flag pin on his lapel catching in the light. 

"I am deeply ashamed and disturbed by what I have witnessed here today." 

"Mister Rogers, we had no idea-" Fucking Williams again. Steve saw a flash of red before sucking in a sharp breath and interrupting.

"-That I was here this entire time? I apologize, _sir._ " The formal word tasted like dirt in his mouth, too honorable a title for such a man. "I don't normally make it a habit to wear my uniform outside of battle." He glared at everyone present. "It's despicable the way you all speak about the owner of this company."

"With all due respect, Mister Rogers - I can understand a Captain wanting to defend his soldier, but I think-"

"He is not my soldier." Steve cut him off again. "He is a colleague, a teammate and a friend. But he is not a soldier. And although every person in this room who lives in Manhattan owes their lives to the man, this is not about Mr. Stark. I am here to defend the reactor plant project, not him." _Luckily for you_ he thought to himself. "The project stands on its own merits, and should be carried out regardless of who proposed it." 

"To be fair, this is a very complicated matter. The dangers of leaving our reactor in such a place - I would hate for the technology to fall into the wrong hands." 

"I will be overseeing the security planning and implementation _personally_. Will that be a problem?" 

"N-no..." Williams was getting irritated. "But, even so. You must understand that our loyalties lie with our stockholders. We work for _their_ interests and the interests of their families. Our responsibilities as board members is to make sure they are well taken care of."

He looked around the room. Many of the faces that had been calling for pitchforks a minute ago were now stricken with fear. Just as he expected. These people were used to holding all the power with their money, but cowered in the face of real consequences. This would be easier than he thought. Time to lay it on thick.

"In my day, we _helped_ people in need. Regardless of their nationality, regardless of the cost." He began, starting to pace around the room. He wouldn't even need his notes for this. "It's a shame. Things seem to have changed. You people have the ability to help an entire nation. Without even lifting a finger yourselves. And you're against it, actively _stopping_ it, what, because it won't earn you as big of a bonus this year as you wanted?"

A few people looked away. Steve knew that deep down, most people are good. When given the chance and an encouraging environment, most people will make the right choice. This, unfortunately, was an echo chamber. These people were feeding off each other's greed, and saw no other way forward, so it was important to break the cycle now. 

"I'm sure you've all been told about the benefits of this project for the people of Tajikistan. I've studied up myself. A country with annual rolling blackouts. Over half its population lives under the poverty live. They are dependent on agriculture, yet despite their problems and limitations, they are still willing to work towards sustainable energy. There doesn't need to be a political debate to solve a fixable problem, especially when the solution is well within reach." 

He made his way behind Williams, who seemed to be the head of the monster. He wanted everyone in the room to see the two opposing views, side by side. 

"I understand that reactor energy is affordable, self-sustaining and reliable. I've seen it in action myself, as have all of you. There's no mistaking it - it's revolutionary. No. It will not be as lucrative as selling barrels of petroleum or hoarding coal reserves. But that's not what this company is about. I knew Howard Stark - founder of Stark Industries. He was a man with a great vision for the future. He always told me that he was limited by the technology of his time. Back then, we had to solve problems with brute strength and weapons, because it was all we had. Well, now his great son - Anthony Stark - has achieved far more than Howard could have ever expected, or imagined. We are now able to solve problems with brains instead of brawn. It would be foolish to hold back the progress of society over one generation of profits."

Steve walked back to the front of the room. 

"Helping the country of Tajikistan is symbolic, and Mr. Stark knows the long term effects it will have, even if you all don't see his vision. It will help millions of people in a real and tangible way, yes. But it shows the world what Stark Industries is capable of, and puts clean reactor energy on the map as a viable alternative to oil and gas. Developed countries all over the world will notice the results and flock to buy the rights to usage. I'm sure the families of your stockholders wouldn't disagree with the continued benefits this will provide to their children, and grandchildren - both financially and environmentally. This is a step in the right direction for the future of this company. I know you will all make the right decision."

Steve sat back down. Pepper, ever so politely, flipped to the next page of her packet. 

"Thank you, Mister Rogers. Next up, we have Mrs. Emily Dickinson - Board Member."

"I'd like to yield my time to the floor."

Steve looked over, locking eyes with a small, older woman who gave him a meek smile. He smiled back. 

"Very well." Pepper, cool and collected, kept going. "Mr. Ralph Emerson - Major shareholder and Head of Accounting-"

"I yield my time." 

"Moving on then. Mr. John Donne-"

"I yield."

Pepper gracefully set her papers down, unaffected. 

"Is there anyone who would not like to yield their time?" Her icy stare was directed at Williams, who stared right back, but didn't dare speak up.

"Very good." Pepper calmly clasped her hands in front of her. "I believe I have the last item then. Let's go over security protocol and the tax implications associated with this project." 

Steve had never been more glad to sit through an hour long presentation on corporate tax deductions in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be completely sure everyone knows- that's not really how the US's involvement in WWII went down (Steve's speech might imply that it was to help Jewish/LGBT/disabled/etc people in need during the Holocaust) - in reality, their involvement was in response to Pearl Harbor. It just so happened that as a result of their defeat of Nazi forces, in defense of democratic nations, many concentration camps were liberated, but that was never the main goal of the military - most soldiers didn't even know there was a genocide going on at the time until they were literally at the front gates.  
> That's not to downplay the great sacrifices of those veterans, but just to educate in case people have somehow read this and watched Captain America movies, but haven't read up on WWII. 
> 
> Anyways, more coming soon! Everyone be safe 💗


	16. Striking Contrast

"So you pulled me out of a meeting with my superior officers to tell me that you and Steve cuddled?" 

"Why can't you be more sympathetic, Platypus? I'm having an existential crisis over here. Plus you were already nearby." 

"D.C. is not _nearby._ I had to fly over in War Machine, Tony. You said it was an emergency. Do you know how annoying it is to get last minute air clearance?" Rhodey planted his forehead into his palm. 

"A 10 minute flight isn't so bad. Plus **I** never ask for flight clearance. Haven't you learned by now that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission?" They were in Tony's kitchen, the smaller man offering up a bowl of chocolate covered almonds. Rhodey pushed his hand away, and Tony shrugged, plopping a few in his mouth.

"Great. So you guys are dating now. Why couldn't this have just been a quick call, again? And where exactly is your boy toy, anyways? He better not walk out of that bedroom naked."

"No! We're not dating. We're not anything. He's not here. He's with Pepper right now. At an SI meeting. It's complicated."

"What?" With a perplexed face, Rhodey sat down at a bar stool. "Fine. You have my interest. Plus, I'm not flying back today just to tell them you wanted to _gossip_. You're gonna need to explain what the hell this is about."

Tony sat across from him and started recounting his entire dilemma.

"Steve! Wait up!" 

Steve turned around to see Pepper running up to him. He'd spent some time shaking hands with some of the board members after the meeting, sincerely thanking them for their time. His suspicions were correct - some of these people weren't so bad, they had just lost sight of what was important, and needed someone to guilt them into doing the right thing. 

"Pepper. Thank you so much for bringing me in, and for having faith in me." 

"Are you kidding me?" Pepper pulled Steve away from the crowd, "I knew you would be able to sway some of the spineless airheads to see it our way, but you even managed to get Williams to shut his mouth for once! You should seriously consider joining the team."

"Oh god no! I mean, t-thank you ma'am." Steve sputtered out. "It's just, this really isn't my cup of tea. I'll always help in any way I can, but I was just...doing it as a favor." 

"A favor to Tony?" 

"I...suppose." Steve rubbed the back of his neck, hoping his flush wasn't noticeable.

"I see." Pepper pulled out her phone, punching in a text, and waved for Steve to follow her outside. "Would you like to join me for lunch? My treat. It's the least I could do for helping us." 

"Oh. Of course. I mean, yes. Sure. I'd love to." Steve didn't know why Pepper made him so nervous, but he wasn't about to deny her request. The last thing he wanted to do was get on her bad side. 

Just seconds after they walked outside, a car pulled up to pick them up, and drove them just a couple blocks down to an inconspicuous high rise. They made their way to the rooftop, where there was a gorgeous restaurant, with only a few elegant tables surrounded by lush greenery. Steve was baffled that there was no menu available - instead the server informed them that they would be enjoying a fresh selection of seasonal vegetables, alongside exquisite meats, and perfectly paired drinks and dessert. It was probably the fanciest place Steve had ever been. But Pepper looked to be right at home, and was happy to explain what every course was as it was brought out, so he figured this must be what rich and famous people were used to. 

It was toward the end of the meal, while he was delicately placing a spoonful of salty caviar into his mouth - Pepper said they were some kind of fish eggs or something - when she brought up Tony out of the blue. 

"So. How are you and Tony doing?" 

He almost did a spit take, but caught himself at the last minute, coughing a bit into his napkin before swallowing and going for his water. He didn't know what that question could mean. Was his crush that obvious? No, she must just mean, how are we doing as _friends._

"Excuse me." he coughed. "We...um. We're fine?" 

"Sorry. I just meant, are you settling in okay at the tower? I know Tony can be a little overwhelming sometimes, but I hope you're comfortable living there." 

"Oh!" Of course that's what she meant. "Yes. It's great, I really enjoy living there, actually. Having everyone around has been very good for me, I think. Tony hasn't made me uncomfortable at all," _...'at least, not in the way you think'_ Steve thought, "In fact he's been a big help to me. Getting adjusted to the year 2012 and all."

"I'm happy to hear that." She smiled. "It's good to know that he's made friends with you all. I was worried when he first told me everyone was moving in, but it seems you all care about each other as much as I care about him." 

"Yes." Steve responded. Was this a shovel talk? Was she going to ask him to back down? He really didn't know how to read her. "That means a lot coming from you. I understand you two are very close." 

"Don't get me wrong. He's like a brother to me." Pepper set her fork down. "He told me that you two had a rocky beginning. I know he can come off as irritating at first, so I don't blame you if you lost your cool at him." Steve looked down at his plate, ashamed of the reminder. "But I'm glad that you two are getting along now. From what you saw today, I'm sure you've gathered that a lot of people close to him tend to use him, or hurt him." 

"I can't believe he has to work with those people." Steve frowned. "They were saying such horrible things about him. It was very hard to sit through." 

"I know." Pepper sighed, "You should see them when he unveils a new Starkphone or security system though, anything they can sell. Then they all treat him like a savior, and can't sing his praises loud enough. They're fickle people, Steve, and only answer to him when he's their cash cow. But that's business. Today, you showed that you're willing to stand up for him, even when it gets tough." She reached out and placed a hand on Steve's. "I guess what I'm trying to say is - I hope you stick around for him. He needs more good people in his life, like you." 

"I will. I'm not going anywhere, ma'am." Steve was deadly serious. No matter how Tony viewed him - as a teammate, as a friend - as something more, or even if not - he made a vow to himself right then to always be by Tony's side. 

"That's what I like to hear." She pulled back, taking a sip of her champagne. "You know, for a genius, sometimes he doesn't see the obvious right in front of him. Don't give up on him, 'kay?" She winked. 

Steve didn't know what she meant by that, but was too afraid to ask, lest he give himself away. 

"Okay." He so eloquently answered. Thankfully, the server brought out some chocolate covered grapes just then, so Steve popped a few in his mouth. Surprisingly, the sweet treat was excellent following the caviar, playing on the contrasting flavors. Steve wondered if Tony had been here before, and made a mental note to bring him sometime. He would love this.

"It's simple. Just ask him." 

"Oh, hey Steve! Do you like men? I'm sure _that'll_ go over well with the guy right out of the 40's." 

"I mean, it _could_." Rhodey had strewn himself on Tony's couch, resigned to his fate. 

"No. Absolutely not. He could freak out and never speak to me again!" 

"I'm pretty sure he's not a dick, Tony." 

"So what am I supposed to do?" 

"Well, since you're not listening to me _anyways_ , why don't you just do nothing." Rhodey waved an arm in the air. "Just pine after him and wait for him to telepathically realize you're in love with him, and then he'll come flying in to whisk your crazy ass off your feet." 

"Not helping." Tony puffed angrily. "I-I never said anything about _love._ But yes! Doing nothing is exactly what I need to do. You're right! I must be crazy to think he'd ever like me, even if he wasn't straight." 

"Nevermind all the evidence to the contrary." 

"I just need to learn to live with him, and be around him, without being completely head over heels for him. That's easy, right? Like exposure therapy. Just hang around him until this feeling goes away." 

"I don't think that's how exposure therapy works." Rhodey sat up and and snapped his fingers in the air a few times, making sure Tony turned to look at him. "Why are you putting yourself through this? You know you're not going to get over him. You've been obsessed with the guy your whole life. You didn't exactly hide your Captain America comic book collection very well in our dorm room."

"Mmmph.." Tony threw a couch pillow over his face and groaned. Those stupid comic books. They lied. All they ever said about Captain America was that he was strong, and brave, and determined. They never said anything about his smile. About his laugh. About how sweet and sensitive he could be, how he could make you feel like the only other person in the world. The way _Steve_ , not Captain America, could light up a room, light up his whole life, without even trying.

"I'm just saying. If you're gonna do this whole 'exposure therapy' thing - just don't be surprised if the feelings don't go away. And don't be mad at me when I come back to say 'I told you so' when he finally makes a move on you."

Just then, Jarvis interrupted. 

"Sirs? Miss Potts would like for me to inform you that she and Captain Rogers will be arriving shortly." 

Tony jumped up, scrambling halfway to the elevator when he remembered Rhodey was sitting right there. He timidly turned around and gave Rhodey a crooked smile.

"Uh. Hah. You coming?" 

"You're a lost cause." Rhodey threw an arm around his friend and led them down. "Don't bother me with this shit again until he actually makes out with you."

"How'd it go!?" 

"Well hello to you too, Tony." Pepper placed her briefcase down on the common room table. 

"Cap? What's the word?" Tony turned to the other man.

"Uh. I think...I think it went well." Steve was flustered by how cute Tony looked. He'd changed into some comfortable looking joggers and a plain shirt, but was still scurrying around in Steve's light blue slippers. He tried to ignore that possessive feeling of knowing that Tony showered and changed, but still made the choice to put _his_ shoes back on. 

"He's being modest." Pepper interjected. "He was amazing, Tony. It went better than we ever could have hoped for. I don't want to make any promises, but if the board votes yes tomorrow, you know who to thank." 

"Really?" Tony grinned, "That's great news! I knew you had it in ya, Winghead. You 'oughta look into being a professional diplomat if you can handle **those** guys!" 

"Heh, well, I don't know." Steve blushed, it really wasn't his place to take all the credit. "I didn't do all that much. You guys did all the hard work. I just told 'em my honest opinion, that's all. Besides, I think a lot of em' were giving me the stink eye on the way out. Don't get your hopes up too high on my account. Williams practically barreled through me to leave."

"Isn't he the worst?" Tony leaned on the counter next to Steve, "You have to tell me everything. God, I would've loved to see their faces when they realized you were there." 

"Hey Rhodes? Can I borrow you a minute?" Pepper smiled at the Colonel, raising her eyebrows towards the pair currently giggling to themselves about the shocked looks Steve got at the meeting. 

"I was about to ask you the saaame thing." Rhodey followed Pepper to the other room. In a hushed voice, he leaned over to her, "I think I know what this is about."

"Weirdos." Tony waved the other two off. "So did you find yourself a nice rich older woman to wed?" 

"Ew, no!" Steve laughed, "Though Mrs. Dickinson was very nice. We spoke for a bit afterwards." 

"Oh she's just about the only good soul in there." Tony flashed a grin, "I'm surprised she let you get away though. I'm sure she would've loved to see you outside that suit."

"Uh..." Steve really wasn't used to this yet. People were so direct nowadays, and Tony never was one to hold back. It was so hard to keep a straight face now, though. Especially after this morning.

"Sorry, Spangles. I'm just messing with ya'." Tony turned away, "Guess I don't know when to turn it off sometimes." 

"It's okay." Steve wished he wouldn't turn it off. He actually really liked Tony's teasing. And wow, wasn't that a change of pace? He remembered just a few months ago when every word out of the other man's mouth would make his blood boil. Now though, now the teasing made him feel...well, he probably shouldn't think about it too long. "I should get out of this suit though. Pepper said she wants to stay for dinner, and it looks like Colonel Rhodes will be joining us too?" 

"Yep. Get washed up." Tony patted Steve on the arm. "We'll make a night out of it! We can work on your movie list." He grinned, and Steve melted, it was so sweet of Tony to offer. 

"Sure, if everyone doesn't mind." 

"Oh they'll be fine with it." Tony smiled, "Now go get changed, I'll order a bunch of pizza for everyone, we can make popcorn, put on your comfiest PJ's - oh!" He stepped out of Steve's slippers, handing them over. "Sorry. Sort of commandeered these today. Here ya go. See you back here later?" 

"Oh...yeah. See you in a bit." Steve took the slippers and walked to the elevators. He clutched the still-warm shoes, considering if he should ask Jarvis to order a matching pair for Tony too, or if that would be just a little too forward. Just then, he remembered something he _did_ have in his room, waiting for Tony. Now was as good a time as any, he supposed. 

By the time he made it back downstairs, everyone in the tower was already sitting around the TV, snacking on pizza and waiting for him.

"Hey Steve, we saved you a spot!" Pepper smiled from a recliner, motioning with her head over to the loveseat. Of course the only space left would be next to Tony. Steve made his way over, careful with the bag he was carrying, setting it down right next to his legs on the rug.

"Sorry," Tony loudly mock-whispered over to him once he sat down. "Rhodey got to pick the movie today, since he doesn't come by often enough, which is his _own_ fault, and he insisted that we watch this crap. I should've cleaned your list up before I let them see it." 

"You know I can hear you, right?" Rhodey threw a kernel of popcorn over to the pair. 

"The Notebook, though? I've never seen you watch anything more romantic than Die Hard." 

"I vote for Die Hard! - OW!" Clint yelled from his spot next to Natasha right before she punched him in the arm. 

"No votes. Jim gets to pick, he's our guest." She smiled back at the Colonel, and in the next moment Jarvis was turning down the lights and queuing up the movie. 

A romantic movie? Steve wasn't a big fan of those, and apparently neither was Tony - he immediately opened up his phone and started scrolling through his social media. Steve decided to give it a chance though, so he grabbed a few slices of pizza and settled in. 

Halfway through the movie, Steve was, predictably, growing bored of the story plot. He turned his attention back to Tony, who was now looking through blueprints for the reactor plant on his screen, tweaking numbers left and right, as if he had a calculator in his head. Steve couldn't help but stare for a minute.

Steve had noticed that Tony always contorted himself to be as comfortable as possible. When they would go out to eat, he often pulled up a second chair to plop his feet on, or he might lean on countertops and walls at home, when chatting with the team. Right now, Tony had his legs up on the couch under him, bent to one side, feet almost touching Steve's thighs. He was leaning on the other arm of the sofa, typing away, the position accentuating his already small waist. 

Steve thought back to this morning, finding his hand gripping the smaller man right there. Remembered how soft and snug it was, it was like Tony was a perfect fit tucked under his chin. Perfect to wrap both arms around, to hold close. It would've been nice to explore how he felt, even a second longer - to move his thumb up and down under the man's ribs, maybe pull his shirt up just a bit, just enough to know what his skin felt like underneath- I bet it's silky smooth just like his sheets. In contrast with the scars on his chest, probably rough, I'd want to feel them against my lips, every single inch- fuck. He's moving. H-he's turning, he's going to look at me! 

Steve stiffened up, quickly turning his head back in the direction of the TV, gripping his knees tightly through his pants. Shit - he really needed to get a grip. This isn't the place to think about these things, especially in front of all these people- wait, did Tony just say something? He looked back to find those dark eyes looking over at him in worry. 

"Hm?" Steve's heart was racing, had Tony noticed him? 

"I said, you okay? You're tense." Tony whispered as he twisted himself over, swinging his legs to the other side of his body, and moved closer to Steve, putting a hand on the cushion Steve was sitting on for balance. The cushion dipped down, and Steve felt himself leaning down with it. God, why was this loveseat so small? 

"Mhm. Y-yeah." Steve tried not to look Tony in the eyes. For some reason, it felt like if he looked there, his secret would be out. But looking down wasn't much better. Tony's forearm was rigid, working to balance his weight, muscles flexing and - fuck. Steve felt stupefied, didn't even know where to look or what to say. 

"Hm. Have you talked to-" Tony furrowed his brows and looked around, obviously not satisfied with their location. "Wait. I'll text you." He whispered before twisting again, this time leaning his head against Steve's arm and throwing his legs over the other couch arm, essentially using Steve as a pillow. Steve almost missed his phone buzzing in his pocket over the blood rushing in his ears. 

_T: There. This way no one can butt in on our conversation  
T: I know this movie is boring, sorry. You can leave if you want, I'll cause a distraction while you make a run for it 😝_

Hell no. As if Steve would ever leave this spot now. 

_S: yeah it's pretty bad, I don't really get it. But at least if I stay, I can say I've watched it and cross it off the list right?_

_T: I guess you're right  
T: hey so I don't mean to be nosy, and you don't have to answer, but have you called that therapist yet? Or at least, are you doing okay?_

_S: I don't mind 😊 thank you for asking  
S: yes, I've been doing better. I'm still going to call her though, you're right. There's things I haven't worked out since even before the ice, and I trust she's good if you recommend her._

_T: 😊_

_S: I meant to call her as soon as I got back, but it's sort of been nonstop these last couple days. I'll call her early next week._

_T: Good. Just checking in, you know?  
T: Sounds like a plan_

Just then, Steve remembered the bag he brought in with him. It was Tony's present from his trip. He'd meant to give it to him yesterday morning, during his welcome back party, but Tony had left before he had a chance to hand it out with the rest of the team's gifts. Since it was just for Tony, and no one seemed to be paying attention to them right now, Steve reached down, and then over to gently set the bag on Tony's lap. Tony craned his neck up to look at Steve, raising up one eyebrow in question. Steve just smiled and nodded over to the bag.

Tony peeked inside, carefully opening the wooden box he found in the bag. Once he saw what was inside, he shut it and quickly tapped away at his phone. 

_T: Knives?  
T: Is this a message? Is Nat finally coming to kill me, and you're trying to arm me with these?  
T: I appreciate that you think I stand a chance against her _

_S: hahahaha no! It's a late birthday present. Kitchen knives  
S: see? The red Chef's knife is you and the blue paring knife is me. So we can practice our cooking! The bag also has a cookbook for beginners, like us  
_

Tony quietly placed the bag and his phone down, then scrambled over to Steve, throwing both arms around his neck, giving him a big hug. Steve wrapped his arms under Tony's, squeezing back, not caring if anyone saw. He only had a second to turn into Tony's hair and take one deep, intoxicating breath before the other man pulled back, grabbing his phone again, settling back against Steve's arm. 

_T: Thank you!!!! I love them!  
T: I can't wait for us to make something  
T: we should have a cooking competition, like Iron Chef!  
T: Bruce can be our teacher  
T: and Nat and Clint can try the food, with guest judge Thor_

_S: I'm glad you like them 😊_

_T: what should we make for our first meal?  
T: oh!  
T: sushi! We can't possibly mess up, it's just cutting fish and making rice right?_

_S: seems like plenty could go wrong there_

_T: excuses already?  
T: sounds like I'm gonna win_

_S: no way  
S: I just discovered YouTube, I'm going to be watching all the cooking videos _

_T: not if I watch them all first_

They kept that up for the rest of the movie, giggling to themselves, sharing cooking videos, then memes, eventually just ignoring the TV altogether in favor of their own separate conversation. Apparently, they lost track of time.

_T: I can't believe pep got you to go there, she's been trying to make me go over since they opened a few months ago_

_S: it was so good though! You should give it a try_

_T: so many veggies though 😫_

_S: they're good for you. And it's not like they were just boiled and slapped on a plate. They were really tasty_

_T: she put you up to this didn't she? Trying to make me eat my veggies by using you as bait. How could you betray me like this_

_S: she didn't put me up to anything! Promise. Why don't you ask her yourself  
_

"Pep-peroni, are you using Stevie against.....me?" Tony looked around them and realized they were the only ones left in the room, the tv playing an infomercial on a new kind of hair curler. "Uh....J? Did we miss the rapture or something?" 

"Our guests went home right after the movie ended, Sir. The rest of the Avengers retreated to their living areas about half an hour ago." 

"Oh." Steve looked down at Tony, who was looking back up at him, resting his head on his hip, having long ago given up on posture. "Guess...we missed the movie huh?" Steve sheepishly gave Tony a lopsided smile. 

"Guess so." Tony smiled back. Neither one wanted to move, but Jarvis unfortunately had to speak up again. 

"I apologize for the intrusion, but Miss Potts would like to remind you that the vote takes place tomorrow at 7 AM sharp." 

Steve looked at his watch, it was late. Tony should get to bed. He stood up first, and then took the other man's hands to pull him up. 

"You nervous for tomorrow?" 

"Yeah." Tony sighed. "If they don't vote in favor of this...I don't know. I'll just have to find some other way. Pep and I worked too hard on this to just watch it fail." 

"It'll work out." Steve picked up a few abandoned bags of popcorn and soda cans. "Those people, they're...well lets just say I wouldn't want to be in your position. But I think they'll listen to reason." 

"Maybe." Tony slumped on the countertop, watching Steve place the last of the dirty bowls into the dishwasher. 

"I know it seems like they're all against you." Steve walked over to the elevator, Tony following after grabbing his bag from the couch. "And maybe they are. But you've got us now. Your team, the Avengers. And we'll help any way we can, okay?" 

"I know." Tony smiled as the elevator stopped on Steve's floor. Steve was about to step out when a hand grabbed his elbow, loosely, just for a second before letting go. "Uh. Thank you. For helping me today. For everything. You know. With the meeting and you know...just helping to keep me distracted in general. I tend to overthink things sometimes and get reckless. So just, thanks again." Tony cut his rambling short. Steve just stared back for a minute, taking in how nice it was that Tony was opening up to him like this. 

"Yeah. Anything, anytime. I mean it." Steve stepped out, turning to look at him. "Goodnight." 

"Night."

He watched the doors close. 

When he threw himself back onto his bed, he grabbed a pillow and held it close. The bed was big and empty tonight.


	17. Avengers, Assemble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter

7-17-12

_  
Tony was under him, over him, completely surrounding him. Hands everywhere, fingers caressing his hips, over the curve of his ass, finally reaching inside him.  
"Ah!" Steve let a high pitched moan escape him. Dark eyes appeared in front of his.  
"You want me, don't you Stevie?"  
Steve couldn't respond, so turned on it hurt. He rolled his body up and down, trying to fit more of the fingers inside him, but wasn't getting any more from it.  
"You want to know what I feel like? I'll give you anything you want, honey. You can touch me anytime, baby."  
A mouth next to his ear now, hot breath tickling his neck. Steve didn't feel fingers behind him anymore. Now he felt a hand run up his balls, a palm cover his shaft.  
"I want to know what you feel like too."  
Steve tried to turn his head, wanted to put his lips on the other's so badly. But then he felt the hand stroking him, it was dry, and burned a little, but it was so so good.  
"Mmmm..." Not able to form any words, Steve just let the sensation take him, fucking into the fist.  
"That's right, honey. Don't stop. Come for me. Let me see you, love." _

"Tony!" Steve gasped as he came, his mind reeling from just having woken up like this. He was laying on his stomach, face down, moaning into his pillow. Still in a fog, and still hard as rocks, he kept pumping his hips into his mattress, chasing the friction. 

_More. More. More._ He didn't know if he was murmuring out loud or not, head still spinning with thoughts of Tony, but he needed to come again. The pillow he was hugging last night was squished under his stomach, with one hand he quickly pushed it down, humping up and down into it, his dick, tight against his wet boxers, was fucking between the pillow and his rumpled sheets. It didn't take long. One..two..three more pumps and his cock was pulsing again, squirting through the fabric of his underwear and leaking under the pillow, and onto the bed.

He slumped down, body heavy, catching his breath. He tried to hold on to the sounds of Tony's voice, the feeling of his body, but that all slipped away, and soon all he had left was a hazy memory of a dream. 

Then, he was fully awake. And realized what just happened. 

"Shit." His voice was hoarse as he forced his arms to cooperate, lifting him off his sticky sheets. He was suddenly extremely grateful that Tony thought to put a private laundry room in his apartment. He stood up, stripped off his clothes, and pulled his bedding off. It was going to be a long morning.

It was a really nice laundry room. Well, it helped that it was built by a genius billionaire who employed the best interior designers in New York, and was overlooking half the city from 90 floors up. But Steve was just happy that the washing machine worked great, and that he had a big sectional to lay on while he waited. Sure, he could go watch some TV or try to go back to sleep, but he had so many thoughts running through his mind, and he couldn't keep trying to outrun them. 

It was obvious to him, since his trip, that he craved touch. At first, he thought it was a side effect of missing his friends. Bucky used to touch him a lot. Whether it was hugs, or an arm over his shoulders during casual conversation, or even just squishing up against the other Commandos in a tiny bar or on a plane headed to the Western front. Now though, he realized he had friends who touched him just as much. Natasha would always find a reason to stay nearby, sometimes patting him on the arm for a job well done, or leaning back to back after sparring. Clint liked to roughhouse, often fighting others for the TV remote, gladly trying to put Steve in a headlock, even if he knew he didn't stand a chance. Thor would hug. A LOT. He could lift anyone off their feet and hold them in a bear hug for hours, if you let him. Even Bruce and Pepper, though rarely, reached out once in a while. 

Steve was so happy to have all of them. 

But he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that the one touch he needed was Tony's. He could have everyone on Earth's hands on him, but if it wasn't Tony, it would never be enough. When Tony was in a room, NOT touching him, it's like every nerve ending in his body was on fire, desperate to reach out to him. He would be hyper aware of the man's every move, savoring every small gift of a hand on his shoulder, or an accidental bump when walking by. 

It was more than that, though. Yes, Steve was aware that he had a crush on the man. That much was obvious now. But it was like an obsession, his every mood affected so strongly by his interactions with the genius. He yearned for Tony's attention. Like an addiction, he would seek him out, do almost anything to make the other man laugh, or talk to him, or touch him. 

Now, it was seeping into his subconscious. This dream - God, that had never happened to him before. And he couldn't forget the feeling of waking up wrapped up in Tony's scent, his warmth, holding the smaller man, looking so precious tucked against his chest. How could he go on now, knowing how amazing that felt? Tony was so easy to lov- like! Like! God, Rogers, get a grip. How did you fall so hard, so fast? 

Steve stared up at the ceiling, listening to the swish and tumble of the washing machine. He had to do something about it. There was no way he would wait too long to make a move again. If only it was that easy, though. Even though he was a big, strong, manly looking guy, he was actually very shy when it came down to it. Most people wouldn't spare him a second glance for most of his life, so he never learned how to properly court someone. He remembered some moves that Bucky would use on their nights out but, well, those usually ended in one night stands where Steve would pretend not to hear heels quietly tapping across the floorboards, out the door early the next morning. He didn't want that. He wanted something real, something lasting with Tony. So he had to do this right, he wouldn't mess up this chance with such an amazing, one of a kind fella. 

That's it then! He had plenty of experience in recon and forming battle plans, he would just need to put those skills to use. He stood up, and was about to walk out when - ding! His washing machine slowed to a stop. That's right, got to finish this first. He moved everything to the dryer and sat back down. He could start in a couple hours, after all.

It was almost 10 in the morning when Steve had finally finished cleaning his bedsheets and himself. He grabbed a notepad and pencil, and strutted downstairs, ready to form a plan. Tony would probably be in the office all day, so that gave him some time to really think. Maybe, if he was lucky, one of the other Avengers had made breakfast. Stepping off the elevator into the common area, he smelled bacon, score! Maybe Bruce or Natasha was kind enough to make some for him too - 

"Stevie! You did it!" 

Steve stumbled back, dropping his pencil and pad, finding himself with an armful of Tony instead. The smaller man had wrapped both arms around his neck and was currently hanging on for dear life, squealing praises at him.

"You're amazing! I never thought they would vote yes. Not in a million years. Pepper was shocked! Even Williams too! We did it! YOU did it! We can start building in September! Did I tell you that you're awesome yet?" 

"T-thats great!" Shit. Steve was NOT ready for this. He held Tony by the waist and gingerly set him back down, he couldn't risk having Tony feel a hard-on from him right when he had gotten such wonderful news. 

"Oops! Sorry." Tony picked up Steve's things and placed them on the kitchen island. "Come on! Sit! I just got back, I've decided we need to celebrate so I'm making you breakfast. Though it's a little late, were you finally able to sleep in for once?" 

Steve was stunned. Tony never got up early enough to make breakfast, or if he did, he would just grab a coffee and head into the office. Right now, though, the man was in half a suit again, dress shirt untucked and unbuttoned, under a frilly baby blue apron Steve had never even seen before. The same color as his slippers. Willing that line of thought away, he sat down and finally responded. 

"Yeah. That's such good news about the vote, I'm happy for you. I'm glad they all did the right thing." 

"Only because YOU talked them into it. I owe you big time." Tony handed him a cup of hot coffee, and picked up a knife. He was using his blue paring knife! He was cutting up an orange, finishing up what looked like a fruit salad. 

"It was no big deal, really. Just glad I could help." Steve watched, mesmerized by Tony's hands working so efficiently. He remembered the first time he'd been to Tony's lab, seeing the man work with small tools, fixing Ironman. Those hands, and fingers, so nimble and precise, could probably do wonders on his body, would feel so good in his...

"Wow, hell must have frozen over. Stark is making breakfast today?" Natasha's voice from behind Steve startled him out of his thoughts.

"H-hey!" Steve yelped. "Good morning!" He tried to smile, probably flashing an awkward grimace instead. Natasha raised an eyebrow, but gracefully sat down next to Steve on the island, plucking half a grape from the fruit bowl Tony was mixing.

"What's the occasion?" She directed her question at Tony. 

"Stevie here saved the day, so I'm making him some breakfast. Don't worry, I made enough for everyone."

"Did he now?" Natasha looked at Steve, who was currently staring at Tony again. The shorter man had turned back around, towards the stove, and was stretching an arm up to the top of the upper cabinets, reaching for a big bowl. His apron, tied tightly around his waist, emphasized his curvy figure even more. 

"Yep! He's the best." Tony finally got the bowl down, pouring a heap of scrambled eggs into it. 

"He sure is." Natasha crossed her arms and leaned onto the counter, feigning sleepiness. "Stark, would you be a pal and grab my Black tea from the pantry? Since you're so _perky_ this morning." 

"Sure thing." Tony walked over to the pantry on the other side of the kitchen wall, disappearing from sight. Steve took a sip of his coffee, trying to calm his nerves. 

"He _does_ have a nice ass, doesn't he?" 

Steve choked on his coffee. After coughing for a bit, he looked over at Nat, who had on the most serious face. 

"Uh... Yeah. I, um. I guess. If, if you're into that." Steve felt his ears burn. 

"I'm not." Natasha poked him in the chest. "But YOU are. So make a move already." 

Steve was about to say something back, but she looked away and exaggerated grabby hands towards the steaming mug Tony had brought her. 

"Thank youuuu." She cooed. 

Steve fixed his eyes firmly on his coffee cup. Was he really that obvious? He really needed to get it together. He's a grown man for goodness sake! Surely he could act normal for one minute around the most gorgeous man on Earth-

"Honey?" 

"Yes?" Steve looked up at Tony. Wait. 

He saw Tony and Nat staring back at him with blank faces. Tony was reaching over to Nat's tea with a spoonful of honey. 

Shit. 

"Uh...you want honey in your...coffee?" Tony was puzzled but took out another spoon.

"Y-yes." It was too late to back out now. Natasha didn't even try to hide the grin behind her mug. Tony shrugged and scooped some honey into Steve's coffee, stirring it for a second before leaving to place the honey back into the pantry. 

"Smooth." Natasha innocently commented. 

"Shut up." He drank some of the honey coffee, it tasted a little funny, but he'd dug his own grave.

He was mortified, but somehow found the fortitude to sit through breakfast. Thankfully, Thor and Bruce joined them soon after, and conversation was light, so Steve didn't need much brain power to function. As soon as he was done eating, he decided he better retreat back to his apartment, to reset and focus up. He tried to sneak away when Clint arrived, late of course, and complaining that all the bacon was gone. But right before he made it to the elevators, he heard someone running after him.

"Hey! Here." Tony had followed him to the corridor, away from the others. He handed over Steve's notepad and pencil. Sheesh, Steve really was off his game today. "You're leaving already?" Tony asked in a soft voice, and Steve's heart melted. "I thought you were gonna stay and sketch for while. It's a clear day, good visibility from the windows, you know."

"Uh, yeah." Steve wanted, more than anything, to stay with Tony, to joke around and have a good time. But he didn't trust himself not to do something stupid right now. He needed some time to clear his head, and more importantly, shake off all this built up lust. "I was going to, but I just remembered, Fury wanted to talk about bringing me back into the office, so I thought I'd go see him today." It was only a half-lie. He really did mean to meet with Fury soon. Might as well do that today. 

"Oh. But you'll be back later, right?"

"Yeah." Steve couldn't say no to this man. 

"Okay. Good. Great." Tony smiled and turned to go back to the kitchen. "See you later!" 

Steve stood there, watching him go, swinging his tight tush around the corner. Wow. He really did need to go clear his head.

He got to meet with Fury, which knocked his libido down a few pegs. They talked about the Avenger's and SHIELD's role in Tony's new project, which Fury wasn't happy about, but allowed. He said it would be approved on his end, as long as Steve made sure everything was 'above board.' He knew that really meant they wanted him to keep an eye on Tony, which was so infuriating. He wished everyone could see Tony the way he did - a selfless, generous, albeit ambitious man. But if it would help make Tony's project easier, then he would keep his mouth shut and take Fury's approval of providing security in stride. Thankfully, Fury was also understanding about letting Steve set his own office hours for the time being, to manage both his SHIELD duties and the Avengers. 

As luck would have it, Natasha and Clint decided to come in to the SHIELD office after breakfast. Steve was glad to run into them - he pulled them aside and explained Tony's plans in Tajikistan, and how the Avengers and SHIELD could help with construction and security. 

"I've never been there before, but it sounds like nice family bonding time." Clint gave his thumbs up. Steve was so relieved. 

"I think it'll be great. Go take a lap, Hawkeye. I've got to chat with our fearless leader, here." Natasha crossed her arms and Steve knew he was in for it. 

"Say no more." Clint, wisely, ran off as quickly as he could.

"So. You disappeared earlier." She pulled Steve aside, away from any nosy agents that might be stalking the halls. 

"I had work..." Steve didn't even know why he was trying to hide anything from her.

"We both know that's bullcrap." Natasha flicked Steve in the arm in punishment. "I'm going to let you off the hook. But just so you know, you have a good shot with him. That's coming from a reliable source." 

"What? I don't....wait, who's the source?"

"Me, dumbass." Natasha smiled. "You're such a goner. Come find me if you need pointers to seal the deal, yeah?" She tapped his shoulder and left him standing dumbfounded in the middle of a hallway. He hoped he wasn't as transparent as she made him out to be.

When he got back to the tower, he found Bruce running tests on Thor. 

"Just to see the differences in our biology. He had some free time before going to back to Asgard." Bruce explained as he stuck a light in Thor's ear. 

"And you're okay with this?" Steve asked Thor, thinking back to his days of being poked and prodded in labs. 

"Aye, what may look like magic to you mortals is merely science to us back in my world. I am glad to be of service to our curious friend. The advancement of the sciences is a noble pursuit!" Thor boasted, and Bruce set a hand on him to settle him down before pulling out a stethoscope.

Steve was glad to hear that, actually. As they worked, he explained Tony's project to them as well, and they wholeheartedly agreed to help in any way they could. 

"I don't think I'll be doing any heavy lifting, but I could definitely help with the integration to the old power structure, and converting the reactor output to usable wattage. I could probably translate if needed too, Tajik is pretty close to Farsi, I could learn it by then. It would be fun." Bruce said as he inspected one of Thor's hairs through a microscope. Steve chuckled at Bruce's idea of 'fun', but if he was enthusiastic about helping, then all the better.

"Aye! If our great Hulk will not be joining us, then I shall do enough heavy lifting for the both of us. It is a challenge I heartily accept, I will return before your planet's next moon cycle, we will do all we can to assist the Man of Iron. The advancement of Midgardian technology is most important!" Thor proudly declared, knocking a few sensors and wires off his head, making Bruce jump up to fix them.

Steve thanked them both profusely, glad that all the Avengers were on board with helping to build Tony's vision. He excused himself from Bruce's lab right before the needles came out, not a big fan, and headed downstairs to the basement lab, excited to share his progress with Tony.

It definitely wasn't like he was _trying_ to win him over by getting a head start on the work the genius was so passionate about. It was just that...well...he was passionate about it too. Helping people, that is. If that just so happened to be an excuse to talk to Tony, to get closer to him, to show that he could keep up intellectually, then that was just an added bonus is all. He breathed out a sigh of relief when the door pad light lit up from red to green upon walking in - he didn't want to imagine being locked away from Tony ever again. 

"Stevie! Back here!" He heard Tony calling from behind a pile of scrap metal. He found the man sitting cross legged on a table, tinkering with a big red glove. 

"Hey, what are you working on?" Steve's heart raced, even after half a day of trying to compose himself, just seeing the handsome engineer in old tattered jeans and an oil stained tee shirt was enough to make him nervous again. Now that he was acutely aware of his feelings for Tony, it was all he could think about.

"It's for you!" Tony held up the glove for Steve to see. "I was going to spend the rest of the week fighting the board's vote, but since I don't have to anymore, I have a lot of free time to finally upgrade everyone's gear, starting with you. These gloves will work like your bike's bag; magnetic strips and clamps to make it easier to recall the shield during battle. You're right on time, actually. Go stand over there on that pad." 

Steve didn't think his heart could go any faster, but he was wrong. Knowing that Tony was spending his free time working to protect him, to protect all their friends? What an amazing man. He stepped onto the platform, on top of a black pad just like Tony asked. 

"Perfect. You're going to just move as if you were fighting." Tony threw a big piece of scrap metal at him, which he caught. "That can be your makeshift shield for now. Doesn't need to be any specific moves, I just need to get a scan of your range of motion so I know where the fabric needs reinforcing."

"You're going to scan my muscles?" Steve instinctively got into a defensive position when some holograms of the alien creatures they battled a few months ago suddenly appeared all around him. 

"Sure, you could say that. Pretend you're fighting these guys." Steve was then covered in a red light, glowing all around him. He figured that was the scanner, and told himself he'd better focus on sparring these aliens and _nothing else_ , in case these scanners could pick up his...excitement around Tony.

Steve got lost in his rhythmic punching, jumping and kicking while Tony got back to fiddling with his gloves. It was nice, even comforting, to be able to just be around Tony. They didn't need to be doing anything special, Steve was already hooked on just enjoying the other man's presence. He was at peace, listening to his own heavy breaths as the dull scrape of Tony's tools against metal kept him company. Soon enough, the red glow disappeared. 

"That about wraps it up, unless you plan on doing the splits mid-battle." Tony got down from his spot on the table and over to a screen, now typing away. 

"I think we're okay." Steve chuckled.

"So what brings you down here?" Tony asked, still typing, not looking away from his screen. "Sorry, didn't mean to monopolize your afternoon." 

"It's no problem." Steve stood next to the man, watching lines and lines of code appear from his hands, like another language that worked in hyper speed; complicated but powerful. "I should be thanking you, for doing this for us. For the team. Actually I just came down to let you know that I talked with them. They're all clearing their schedules for September." 

"Uh," Tony stopped and looked at him. "What?"

"You know, for the reactor project. You did say the construction will begin in September, right? Pepper said it wouldn't take more than a few weeks so-"

"The rest of the team? You mean the Avengers?"

"Yeah."

"They...agreed? To what, exactly?" Tony's face was skeptical. 

"Just like you said. To go to Tajikistan with us. You know - to help with construction and setting up security and stuff." Steve was confused. Isn't this what they had been planning for the last couple of days? 

"Huh? Y-you....what?" Tony frowned. "Because we told the board that I would bring on the Avengers to do it for charity?" 

"Yes?" Now Steve was getting frustrated. "Isn't that what you wanted? Did I do something wrong?" 

"No! No, of course not. It's not that I don't appreciate...shit." Tony pulled over a chair and sat down. "It's my fault. I should've explained how this stuff works."

"Okay.." Steve crossed his arms and leaned on a work bench. "Explain it to me now, then." 

"It's just that, when I say I'm doing something for charity, that means it's coming out of **my** pocket. I wasn't going to ask you guys to _actually_ do anything. I was just going to pay some people to go do the work. I mean, SHIELD has more than enough lackeys to set up a security system for the right price, and I'm sure a construction team would be easy to scrape up on that side of the world....maybe. I mean, I would pay someone to figure that out. And hire some lawyers and engineers to make sure it's all done correctly. And probably pay someone I trust to supervise. It's just in writing, Cap. I wouldn't force you guys to actually take time away just for this."

"So...you don't want us there?" 

"No! I mean, of course it would be _nice_ but it's just not necessary. I can pay to have it done." 

"That sounds like a lot of money you'd be spending, when you could just have your friends help you." Steve cocked his head to one side. 

"I mean, I have enough money. It would only be a few million-" 

"No. Absolutely not. If the Avengers can help you do this and save you millions in the process, then we're doing it. Use that money on another charity project." Steve stood his ground. 

"Steve, I couldn't ask the team for such a big favor.." 

"It's no problem. They've already agreed." 

"But... Thor's going back to Asgard soon. And Bruce, he has work going on here and it's such a long flight."

"Thor is excited to come back to help. He knows he would be great for carrying the heavy equipment. Bruce says he's fine with the flight, he has things he wanted to pick up from India anyways. He wants to do...science stuff that I didn't really understand, but he said it will be fun." 

"Well we can't exactly take the Wonder Twins from SHIELD, Fury will have my head." 

"They're happy to come along. And Fury already approved their time. Plus, he's dedicating a group of SHIELD agents to send with us. I already told you, it's taken care of." 

Tony sat in silence, staring at the floor for almost a minute before finally looking Steve in the eyes. 

"Fury said?...But...y-you did all this?" Tony asked, barely above a whisper. 

"What, assemble the team? Yes." 

"Why?" 

"Because we're your friends. _I'm_ your friend. I said I would do this for you, and I intend on seeing it through to the end." 

"It won't be easy..." Tony blushed a bit, enough for Steve to notice. Just then, it clicked. Steve remembered what Pepper told him on their lunch. Tony was used to people letting him down. Used to being forgotten or outright betrayed by friends and colleagues. It would be natural for him to try to protect himself from heartache by buying his way out of problems rather than seeking help from those closest to him. Well, that would change right now. 

"I know it won't be easy. We're going to support you anyways. It didn't take much convincing, as soon as I told everyone what we were doing, they gladly offered to help." Steve walked over to Tony, crouching down in front of him and took the man's hands in his. Tony met his fierce gaze. "You've done so much for all of us. For me. You gave me a home. Shared your life and your friends with me. You can trust me, can't you Shellhead?"

Tony just looked down at their joined hands and nodded. 

"I'm _Captain America_." Steve grinned, lowering his head a little so he could meet Tony's eyes again. When he did, he saw a little glimmer of hope in there. "I think it's actually impossible for me to lie. You can count on me, I won't let you down, Tony. Not now, not ever. You're my family now." 

Steve let him go, getting back up. He watched as Tony mulled it over, sitting perfectly still. After a minute he was about to ask if everything was okay, when the genius jumped up with wide eyes.

"I...I've got to...um, I'll be right back. I'll see you at dinner, yeah? Bruce is making...something, I don't know. But you'll be there, right?" Tony frantically gathered his jacket and phone, scrambling towards the back of the lab. 

"Sure. I'll be there." Steve watched as Tony ran out the back door, towards the garage. He wondered if he'd crossed some line, but it was just as likely that Tony really did have to suddenly go do something. The man was as unpredictable as the weather. Steve turned around to head back to the elevators when he spotted his Captain America helmet sitting next to the gloves Tony was working on. It was sleek, updated. Looked futuristic and simple at the same time. He turned it and saw his wings on the side, the same style as the ones on his bike helmet that Tony made for him not long ago. 

He smiled, running his thumb over the symbol. He hoped he could always be Tony's Winghead.


	18. Play Ball!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: A small insinuation to thoughts of suicide. Not major, but it's there.

Bruce was generous enough to let Steve help make dinner, even if it _was_ only chopping vegetables. They finished the stir fry just as the rest of the team - all except Tony - got settled down at the table. If it was up to Steve, he'd want to wait until everyone got home, but you never know a superhero's schedule, so they all began without him. 

Towards the end of their meal, Tony finally arrived, with a small white plastic bag under his arm. 

"Hey Tony!" Steve stood up, and then immediately realized that he might look way too excited right now. He patted the open chair next to his, walking to the kitchen to make it look like he got up to grab Tony's food. "We saved you some. I'll get it." 

"Thanks." Tony sat and was uncharacteristically quiet as everyone else continued their conversation with Bruce about his data after Thor's physical. Steve watched from the corner of his eye, it was odd that the normally opinionated genius wouldn't find the subject completely fascinating. 

Steve thought for about it. He knows his friend pretty well now, or so he'd like to think. It's probably the case that Tony would like to thank everyone for their support of his project and doesn't know how to. Steve knew more than anyone how difficult it was to step outside your comfort zone, and Tony sure wasn't used to having people do him any favors without wanting something in return. He finished plating and walked over to set down the bowl and utensils in front of the still silent man. The worn out genius looked up and gave Steve a small smile. 

It took all his willpower to not place a tender kiss on his head. It felt so domestic, to be serving up a plate of food to sweet, tired Tony after a long day. Steve wondered if old married couples felt their hearts swell up like this at such a mundane thing. Instead, he just smiled back and sat down again, joining Tony in quietly listening to the rest of the team argue about Bruce's findings. He'd let him finish eating before scooting his chair a little closer and ducking his head down so only Tony could hear.

"So whatcha got in the bag?" Steve leaned in, pretending to be curious about the bag on the other side of Tony's chair. He reached over only to have his hand slapped away playfully. 

"You'll find out soon enough, nosy Nelly." Tony was still looking a little nervous, so Steve resolved to try to ease the conversation into the charity work, if it would make things easier on him. 

"What does density have to do with his muscle mass? Look at him! If his cellular system was that dense, he'd need to be ten times smaller!" Natasha gestured towards Thor, who bellowed out an amused laugh. 

"Not if he were extremely heavy. That's why I don't know what kind of protein structure his muscles are made of." Bruce explained. 

"Well, how much does old Thunder Thighs there weigh, then?" Clint joined in on the conversation. 

"Uh...I actually don't know. He broke my medical scale and my industrial scale. Soo...we know he's at least 5,000 lbs." Bruce scratched his head. 

Everyone turned to look at Thor, who laughed heartily. 

"Aye! Your measuring devices were no match for my great mass!" 

"So maybe his hammer is just really, really heavy and that's why none of us can lift it." Clint pondered. 

"Maybe." Steve found his chance. "Guess we'll find out exactly how much he can carry in a couple months when we're all in Tajikistan." Tony's eyes shot up to his at that.

"That's right." Natasha, as observant as always, quickly backed up Steve's change of subject without question. "We might not even need construction cranes. Thor could probably just fly any heavy materials over to us."

"It would be an honor!" Thor agreed. "I am no stranger to helping civilizations progress. Why, I recently encountered a giant race of dwarfs in the outermost regions of space, and carried power structures for them as large as your city's buildings!" 

"Giant dwarfs?" Clint scoffed. "Ooookay. I want to be the first one there, though. You gotta send me first. I've always wanted to use a bulldozer! Please tell me there's something to wreck!" 

"I don't think you can just destroy whatever is there, Clint." Bruce interjected. "We need to make sure the old system is still operational so we can integrate the new power over to the old grid. Right, Tony?" 

Everyone had eyes on Tony then. He blinked and then straightened up and seemed to steel himself for his response. 

"Yes. Correct. I mean, you can bulldoze the old containment fences, I guess. We won't need them. But anyways, I wanted to, um...well." Steve wanted to reach over and hold his hand, to give him some much needed moral support. That might freak him out though, especially in front of everyone, so instead he nudged Tony's foot and gave him a big smile and thumbs up when he looked over at him. Tony took a deep breath and continued. "Right. I wanted to thank you guys. For agreeing to help. It's, uh...it's going to be a lot of work though...so you know, just a heads up. I mean if you guys have other commitments I wouldn't mind-"

"No, we're free." Natasha pointedly interrupted his excuses for them. 

"Oh. Um, well. In that case, thank you." Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "I wanted to....well at first it was only going to be for Spangles here, but I was able to finagle the luxury suite for us for the whole weekend. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, at Citi Field. As a small thank you to all of you-"

"Whoa!! You got us box seats to the Mets games?!" Clint's eyes lit up in excitement. 

"The Mets?" Steve gave Tony a curious look while everyone else started clearing their weekend for the outing. "That's the new team around here, isn't it?" 

"Hah. 'New' he says." Tony gave him a lopsided smile as he handed Steve his white bag. No one else seemed to be paying attention, too engrossed in their own conversation about how much alcohol they would be ordering at the game, so Steve opened it, and pulled out two baseball hats. One was blue and said Mets on it, the other grey and said Dodgers. "I figured you wouldn't be a Yankees kind of guy." Tony shrugged. "So it's probably one of these. Thought you might make up your mind at the games, it's Mets vs. Dodgers. It's the perfect time to see all your boys play." 

Steve couldn't be happier. He'd resolved to start enjoying his favorite sport again, and was thrilled that his friend remembered and cared enough to take him to a game, let alone three, with the two teams he'd been struggling with, it was so considerate of him. He popped open the back of the Dodgers hat and put it on.

"Think I've made up my mind." He grinned and handed back the other hat. "I'll always be a Dodgers fan. I think LA might be my second favorite place on Earth, right behind Brooklyn." He meant it. He'd never forget his wonderful weekend with Tony there.

"Glad to hear it." Tony scrunched up his nose at the Mets hat. "I could never be a Mets fan. Hey, Birdbrain, heads up!" He yelled right before throwing the other hat at Clint. 

"Nice! I've already got some merch!" The archer caught it and proudly put it on.

"Thanks by the way. For all this." Tony had crossed his arms and was leaning his chair back, trying to act indifferent. Steve knew better though, his Shellhead was opening up to them, even if it was just a little. He was so proud of the man for accepting the help. 

"Like I said, we'll always be here for you."

_7-20-12 : Citi Field : Game 1_

Steve had never watched baseball like this. The luxury suite was incredible. Full of food, drinks, a full kitchenette, big TV's mounted in every corner so you wouldn't miss a single play. Private bathrooms, large couches and sectionals, it kind of felt like a big living room. One end of the area was facing the field, with an excellent view. It was the bottom of the fourth, and the game hit a lull, Dodgers leading by a wide margin, Steve was relieved, he would've been crushed if the team had played badly his first time watching after coming out of the ice. 

Everyone was having a blast. Thor even decided to stay a few more days so he could learn about the sport. Bruce was happy to explain all the rules and regulations to the god, Thor interrupting once in a while to run out the front door, dragging a flustered Bruce behind him, to join the rest of the fans in an occasional cheer or chant. Clint and Natasha were taking full advantage of the bar, and although everyone was witness to Natasha finishing at least a couple beers an inning, she didn't seem to waver one bit. Clint, on the other hand, was just drunk enough to heckle both teams, apparently not aware that neither batter would hear him through the window. 

Steve was really enjoying the atmosphere and time with his friends. Tony didn't mind that he would hang around, asking questions, lingering in his space when conversation was slow, and he liked that most of all. Steve had been considering their relationship...or lack thereof, for the last couple of days. Ever since that morning, waking up in Tony's bed, Steve had a burning need to touch the other man again. He did his best to control himself though, only allowing himself a few small gestures when his desire got too overwhelming. He'd pat Tony on the back, or put a hand on his shoulder, or sit close enough for their thighs to barely touch on the couch. But Steve didn't know how much more he could take, he was aching to hold the other man close again, having gotten a small taste of what that could be like, and not being able to get it out of his head.

He was so nervous about actually acting on his feelings though. If it was just a physical attraction, it might've been easier to make a move. But Steve was also completely infatuated with his genius mind, his sense of humor, his thoughtfulness, his humility...he could go on and on. That's why he'd been biding his time, hoping to find the perfect way, or perfect moment to tell Tony how he felt. He didn't want this to be a fling. He wanted their relationship - if they ever had one - to be long lasting and meaningful. 

That's why he decided to use this down time between innings to get to know him a little better. He didn't want to get too invested if there was some deal breaker. The more he talked to Tony though, the more he realized he couldn't imagine a future without him, even if he _was_ a _Red Sox_ fan. 

"Really? The Red Sox? Aren't you from Manhattan, though?" After a while, they had taken residence on the stools facing the stadium, where they could see the whole field. Facing the windows, he felt like he could ask Tony anything without fear of being interrupted. To his surprise though, the rest of the team seemed to be intent on leaving them be. 

"Come on, cut me some slack." Tony took a swig of his soda. "I didn't get into baseball until I was already in college, when Rhodey got me interested. Of course I was gonna root for the home team when I was stuck in Boston."

"Excuses, excuses." Steve teased.

"Well, my favorite player is going to be traded to the Dodgers next month." Tony looked around to make sure no one else could hear them. "Inside scoop, when you're this famous - you hear all the gossip before it hits the streets."

Steve was going to ask him who his favorite player was when they heard the distinctive pop of a foul play, and watched as the ball gracefully landed right in a young boy's mitt. They smiled as the crowd cheered, the boy holding up his new prize. 

"Lucky kid." Tony commented. Steve looked at him, chest thumping, wondering if he was going to give himself away right now. 

"You...you ever wanted one?" 

"Nah. Got plenty of signed baseballs in Howard's collection. Feel free to take whatever you find if you want to go to the mansion sometime." 

"I meant, uh...a kid. You ever wanted one?" Steve turned bright red and looked away, towards the big screen on the field, trying to act casual about such a probing question. 

"Oh." Tony leaned forward, and put down his drink. There was silence for a minute, the air thick with anticipation, and Steve was going to spill over and extend an apology for asking when he finally answered. 

"I'm sorry-" Steve started. 

"Yeah." Tony said at the same time. Their eyes met and Steve saw a hint of sadness in Tony's face.

"Y-you do?" Steve was surprised. He thought for sure that would be the one big thing they disagreed on. 

"Shocking. I know." Tony looked back out to the game, and fiddled with his soda bottle. "I don't seem like the type, right? Especially with all my daddy issues. But I think that's exactly _why_ I've always wanted a kid. I know I could do better than Howard did. I want a chance to give a kid all the love I never got growing up...Heh, showing up Howard - the reason for everything I do. It's really stupid when you think about it, huh?" 

"Not at all. You want a child to have a better life than you did, it's a great reason." Steve's heart sank thinking of how lonely Tony sounded when he talked about his childhood. "Howard was a shit father, huh?" 

"Sorry." Tony wouldn't meet his eyes again. "I know he was your BFF and all. Guess it was just **me** he didn't like." 

"My BFF?" Steve asked. 

"Yeah. You guys were good pals, right? That's why he was always looking for you. And why you decided to become friends with me." He answered like it was a fact. Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

"What? No!" Steve responded, a little too loudly. He saw Natasha raise an eyebrow from the other side of the room and he waved her off, lowering his voice again. "No...Howard and I were ... good acquaintances. Colleagues. I mean, I guess if I were pressed, I could call him a work friend. But we certainly weren't very close, and I definitely didn't become your friend just because you're his son." Tony eyed him suspiciously.

"Then why was he so obsessed with you?"

"I don't know. I mean, I was his prized experiment, maybe that's why?" 

"I...suppose that would make sense." Tony rubbed his beard, thinking it over. "I thought he might've had a thing for you." 

"Your dad? No way." Steve laughed. "He practically asked Peggy out on a date right in front of me while I was on my way to certain death." 

"H-WHAT?" Tony spun over in his chair, a huge grin on his face. "Hah!! So you _know_ how much of a dick he is! You _HAVE_ to tell me!" Steve smiled and told him all about his fondue mix-up. They shared stories of Peggy, Steve from his time and Tony from what he could remember growing up around her. It was nice to get a glimpse of Peggy's life after the war. To know she had moved on, and was happy in the end. Tony remembered her fondly, Steve could tell by the way he recounted afternoons playing Dominoes or reading with her when she would go babysit. Steve liked to think that Tony was such a feisty person now, thanks in part to Peggy's influence.

"So...kids. Is that what you wanted? With Aunt Peggy? Is that what you want now?" Tony asked him during the 7th inning stretch. 

"Hm." Steve didn't want to hold anything back, it was important for him to be completely honest. "At first I didn't know. When SHIELD found me, I mean. That's sort of why I went on that cross-country trip. I wanted to see who I was as a person, where I fit in, if anywhere, if I even belonged in this world anymore. I missed the time I grew up in so much, and felt so alone when I first woke up. I wanted to see if it was even worth it to stick around." 

"That's...a little dark."

"Yeah. But I found out a lot about myself on that trip, and found good reasons to stay." Steve smiled at Tony. "But yes, there was a time when I wanted those kinds of things. Family, stability. Maybe with Peggy, but maybe not. It's not like we were dating, but that was definitely something to look forward to after the war. Now, I'm here, and it seems like the war never ended. It feels like being an Avenger might be a full time thing, and I'm not sure how a family would fit into the picture. It's something I still want, but it would be hard to find balance. I'd need to be able to completely rely my partner. After finding out about those wicked things SHIELD wanted to do with the scepter, it's just hard to trust again, you know? What if I don't know what's right and wrong in this new age? How can I trust myself to raise a kid if I don't even know what's going on around me?" 

Tony took a deep breath, mulling over everything Steve had said. He chose his words carefully. 

"You don't have to compromise. You could do both, be a parent and a superhero. I know personally, I'll spend the next few years working on a way to defend Earth - especially after seeing what's out there. It will definitely take up a lot of my time and energy once I get started. But...I think if I had a kid, I could make it happen. I'd do anything to protect them, and they would only motivate me to work harder. You'd probably be the same way. Plus, you told me the other day that I should trust you when it comes to these guys." Tony pointed at the rest of the team, who were currently seeing how many chicken nuggets they could fit in Thor's mouth at once. "Which is...hard to say the least. But I do. I trust you guys completely. If I can do that, even with my...past, so can you. Plus, you're so smart, more than you give yourself credit for. You've already learned so much, more than most people have bothered to learn in this day and age, anyways. And even though you had no reason to believe me on the helicarrier, when I said something was up with SHIELD, you took the initiative to find out the facts for yourself. Things might change, but morals don't. I think you'll do fine, as a parent, and a partner, and a superhero, and you'll be able to find someone that you can trust in too."

"Yeah..." Steve couldn't breathe, he knew then and there that he wanted Tony. Wanted to be his fella. Wanted Tony by his side through thick and thin. He'd already found a person he could trust completely, and wished he knew how to tell him so. Well, he needed to start somewhere, right? It was time to be brave. "Could I..would y-you uh, you want to have dinner with me sometime?"

"Sure. How bout' tomorrow? It's kind of late already, but tomorrow's a midday game, should be over before dinnertime." Tony took a sip of his soda, unaffected. "This better not be to get me to go to that rooftop terrace. I already told you I'm not eating a vegetable medley, that can be yours and Pep's spot." Steve blinked. It seemed Tony didn't really get the hint. 

"Uh...okay. Tomorrow. After the game. Not the rooftop place." Steve lost his nerve, unsure of how to explain that he wanted a date. But he'd at least get to spend some alone time with Tony, so maybe he could work up the courage to say something tomorrow night. He turned his attention back to the game. The Mets hit a home run just then, and Steve felt as crummy as the Dodgers did right at that moment.


	19. Breaking into the Fort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end. So happy and sad to be finishing up! I'll probably be posting the ending by early next week. These last few chapters will be coming in hot, bam bam bam, one after another. Get ready to read your butts off.

The game ended with the Dodgers winning by one point. Steve hoped it was a good omen. 

When they got home, it was well past midnight, they were all tired and decided to head straight away to bed. They piled up into the cramped elevator, Clint was still a little drunk, laughing as he pressed all the buttons on the wall panel, earning him a knock on the back of the head from Natasha. Thankfully, Jarvis knew not to make a stop at every floor in the building on the way up. They said their goodnights, leaving the elevator one by one, until finally it was just Tony and Steve left. 

"Good first game?" Tony asked. 

"It was great. Thank you so much." Steve hesitated when the doors opened to his floor. "Um...well...see you tomorrow. Game and dinner, right?" 

"Yep. Jarvis, free up my afternoon tomorrow, would ya?"

"Your schedule is completely free tomorrow afternoon through Sunday morning as well, sir." Jarvis politely informed him.

"Uh...okay? Guess J's sleepy too. Night, Winghead."

"Goodnight, Tony." Steve watched as the elevator doors closed and listened to the hum of the machinery as it was pulled away. He went to bed, wondering if he should have been more direct with Tony earlier, when he asked him to dinner. Maybe he just didn't see him like that? Steve was pretty sure that Tony was interested in men. True, maybe the papers nowadays exaggerated their headlines, but he was under the impression that Tony's bisexuality was public knowledge.

Or maybe Tony didn't want something serious with a man? He did say he wanted kids, after all. Though, Steve figured that Tony would agree that adoption was a wonderful way to become a parent too. Maybe he just didn't want to date a teammate? Great, I should've thought of that before just putting myself out there. He didn't even seem to notice though. What if he's just not interested in **me**? But Natasha said she thinks I have a shot...Wait! Natasha! She said I could ask her for help!

Steve pulled out his phone, about to send her a text when he saw the time on his screen. Almost 1 AM. He put his phone on his nightstand instead, but asked Jarvis to let him know the moment Nat woke up tomorrow. He would need as much advice as he could get with this.

7-21-12

_  
S: You up?_

_N: Just woke up. Why?_

_S: Can I come down?  
S: I need some help  
S: With something_

_N: Bring coffee.  
_

Steve showed up at Natasha and Clint's floor with two big to-go coffees from the downstairs cafe. The couch seemed to be missing several pillows, but he sat down anyways and waited for her to come out of her bedroom. After a few minutes, he heard shuffling footsteps. 

"This better be good. It's early and I had to babysit Barton last night." Natasha came out, grumbling but looking just as alert as ever. Steve handed her the hot drink. 

"Sorry. It's just...remember how you said I should...well anyways Tony and I were talking yesterday-" 

"Did you finally make a move?" Natasha asked. Steve sighed. 

"I tried to. I asked him to come to dinner with me tonight, after the game." 

"And he said no?" 

"He said yes." Steve bit his lip, heart racing just remembering how scary that had been. 

"Great. So you guys are going on a date. Need help picking out something to wear, or what?" 

"No. I think...I didn't make it clear enough. I don't think he knows I asked him on a date. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's just dinner, he was really nonchalant about it." 

"Hm.." Natasha drank some of her coffee. "Did you tell him at any point that you like men?" 

"What?" Steve's eyes went wide. Had he? "No...I don't think it's come up. But I thought...I thought it was obvious? I mean, _you_ figured it out right away..."

"Yeah. Because I'm **me**." Natasha held up a hand to herself, and duh. Of course Nat would figure it out right away, she's a spy, and a great one at that, and could probably read a closed book from a mile away. "Tony isn't going to assume anything like that. You do realize he thinks you're straight as an arrow, right?" 

"...A-arrow? Does someone need Hawkeye?" 

Steve almost jumped a foot in the air. He turned around to investigate where that other voice came from, and saw a disheveled looking Clint laid out on the floor behind the couch, covered in pillows, blankets and a lot of empty water bottles that Natasha probably made him drink. 

"Yeah. Forgot to tell you. Hawkass didn't want to go to bed last night, he wanted to build a pillow fort and refused to let me take him to his room." Natasha rolled her eyes. Steve grabbed his untouched coffee and reached down, handing it to the sleepy Clint, who took it and hummed happily after taking a long sip. 

"Why're you here so earlyyy..." Clint tried opening his eyes, squinting through the bright light coming in from the windows. 

"He's going on a date with Tony tonight. He needs advice." Natasha informed. 

"Well, it's not actually a date-" Steve tried to explain but was interrupted by a suddenly very alert Clint. 

"Oh! You-should-wear-pants!" Clint tried to formulate his thought, but was struggling to untangle himself from the blankets and couch pillows surrounding him. 

"Yeah, I was planning on it." Steve reached down and pulled one long blanket off him, and Clint was finally free. 

"No! I mean **_the_** pants!" Clint made a curving motion with his hands, and Steve was just confused. 

"I think he means those tight black denim pants we got you that time we all went shopping." Natasha translated. 

"Yes! Bathroom!" and Clint was gone in a flash.

"You really think that's a good idea?" Steve looked to Nat. 

"Couldn't hurt." She sat across from him in her recliner. "So you're going to have to tell him, _directly_ how you feel." Steve made a whining sound and slumped down in his seat. "What? Big brave Captain America too scared to talk about feelings?" 

"What if he doesn't like me back?" Steve stared up at the ceiling, not wanting to meet Natasha's piercing stare. "If we had to just be friends, I think I could live with that. But if things were to get weird between us, or if I scare him off and then he wants nothing to do with me...I can't lose him like that. I need him in my life. Isn't there just some way to let him know I like men and I'm interested? That way he could make up his own mind if he wants to reciprocate - like some code? In the war, we used to put a baby blue handkerchief in our back pocket, or say we're 'a friend of Dorothy's' as a signal. Something like that?" 

"Sorry Steve." Natasha said. "Maybe there's something like that now, but I've never needed to find out, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't operate like that, he likely wouldn't even know any secret codes anyways. I really think it's better for you to be up front. If you just keep seeing him like this, these maybe-maybe not- dates, then you'll just end up hurting yourself in the end. You'll be talking to him during the game today. Just try to make it clear then, I'm sure you don't need to worry about him rejecting you. Just flirt with him a little, and if he isn't put off by that, which he won't be, let him know that you wanted dinner tonight to be a date."

"Maybe." Steve mulled it over. "I don't even know how to flirt though." 

"Easy!" Clint emerged again from the bathroom. "You gotta laugh at all his jokes, and touch his arm a lot, and compliment him. Tell him he looks sexy-ow!" He got a flick on his hand from Natasha when he walked too close. 

"Just be a gentleman and smile." Nat supplied. "You'll do fine."

_Citi Field : Game 2 : Tony POV_

It was a confusing day. 

Or maybe the limbic cortex in his brain was fried and permanently dysfunctional from seeing Steve in those practically painted on, absolutely delicious looking pants. Tony had tried to keep his eyes to himself, but that ass was just screaming to be worshiped. He normally detested department stores, but decided right then that he'd buy out all the JCPenney's in the state if it meant Steve would wear _those_ pants more often. 

It didn't help that Clint kept giving him a huge grin and thumbs up from behind Steve whenever he tried to sneak a peek. He'd quickly turn away, ignoring whatever Clint was childishly trying to communicate. 

On top of that, Steve was acting strangely today. He kept laughing, a little too much, seemingly at everything Tony said, even if it was only mildly funny. He'd hang around Tony for a bit, looking like he had something to say, then get a spooked look on his face and run off, usually to Natasha or Clint, and have a hushed conversation on the other side of the room before coming back a few minutes later, looking determined, then start the whole thing over again. 

So yeah. Like he said, confusing. He really didn't know what could be going on.

After the 5th inning, Tony was getting irritated at the constant back and forth. The next time Steve came to his side, he grabbed his arm, dragged them to the couch in front of the big screen, and yanked him down beside him. 

"Sit still. You're giving me hives." Tony demanded. 

"S-sorry." Steve was practically trembling with nervous energy. What could be making the person who was normally the most composed of them all behave so strangely? 

"Hey, what's wrong? Something I can help with?" Tony asked in a hushed voice, thinking that maybe Steve needed a favor, and was just too honorable to ask. "If it's something I can throw money at, I'll gladly do it, you know. Or anything you need. You can tell me. What's been bugging you today?" 

"I'm fine!" Steve looked like he might combust any second. He _should_ have been ecstatic. The Dodgers were way ahead right now, 6-2. It was a gorgeous day, and they had the best stadium food in their room. 

Well, he did keep having private conversations with the others...maybe they couldn't help with the reactor plant after all, and were trying to find a way to tell Tony? It would be really disappointing, crushing really, but if that was the case, he'd rather know now. 

"Look, if you guys can't come to Tajikistan it's fine. I'm a big boy. I can handle bad news." 

"No!" Steve looked shocked enough at the suggestion, so maybe that wasn't the case. "That's not it at all!" Ah, then it **was** _something_.

"So what **is** the matter?"

"Nothing...You uh, you look...nice....today. Your, um...hair? Yeah, your hair. It looks...nice." Steve was fidgeting with his hands. 

"Thanks?" Tony didn't know what to say to that. Now Steve was reaching at straws to compliment him for some reason? Did Steve like him? No, of course not. The most likely explanation was that Steve somehow found out about Tony's feelings, and was trying to find a way of letting him down gently. Shit, how could he have known? Well, it was obvious. Tony practically threw himself at Steve every chance he got. Hell, he burrowed himself into the man's broad, chiseled chest even in his sleep. How could Steve _not_ find out? So much for exposure therapy. Well, if Tony was going to have his heart broken, the least he could do was make it easier on poor Steve, just trying desperately to be nice about it. He sighed and got on with it. 

"You know, if you want me to back off..."

"No! It's...there's nothing wrong. Please don't go." 

"No, I mean in general, Steve." Tony waved a hand to signify the totality of their relationship, hoping Steve would understand without him having to put it into words. "I know I can be too much. And if I've made you uncomfortable in any way, I'm genuinely sorry. I can keep my distance, you know. I won't be offended if that's what you want." 

"What? No, what are you talking about? You've never made me uncomfortable." Steve placed a hand on Tony's. So...maybe that wasn't it either. Now Tony was too focused on this big warm hand on him. The same hand he saw in the security footage, clutching his waist. His mind wandered for a second, wishing he could remember that night.

Oh shit - night. Something must have happened overnight to make him act so nervous. Maybe Steve had another panic attack last night? Tony really didn't want to invade Steve's privacy, so he only asked Jarvis to alert him if Steve ever needed intervention. He hadn't received any notice last night, and if that was the case, maybe it meant that Jarvis had brought him down himself. Yesterday, the conversation at the game had gotten very personal. Steve opened up, telling Tony a lot of things that may make him feel vulnerable. And at night, when you're all alone...Tony knew all too well the effect of nightmares in the dark.

"Okay, well...did you sleep okay last night? I mean.." Tony looked around. This place was much too public to delve into Steve's mental health like this. "You know what, we can talk about it tonight over dinner. If you want. We don't have to. I just want to make sure you're okay. You've been skittish all day. You'll let me know if something is happening, right? You can trust me, can't you?" 

"I do." Steve plainly answered, squeezing Tony's hand. Well, at least there was one straight answer from him. "I apologize. It's just an off day for me. I have a...personal problem. I've been trying to get something off my chest but...I just don't think I'm ready yet. But you don't need to worry about it, I promise."

"Alright. That's understandable. How about we just chill and enjoy the game, okay? Let's not talk about..whatever it is right now. You can tell me or the therapist or whoever, whenever you're ready." If he was being honest with himself, he knew; he really did know, that he would never get over Steve. He just couldn't help himself around the man. He wanted to do everything possible under the sun to make all of Steve's troubles go away, if only to see him smile. If he needed to touch him, to be near him, to hear his laugh and flirt with him in order to quell some insatiable urge at the mere sight of the other man, then that was nobody's business but his own. Even if he could never have him all to himself, at least he'd always have these moments. Tony turned his attention back to the game, placing his head on Steve's shoulder. Physical contact was hit or miss, but when Steve didn't freak out, it usually seemed to calm the soldier down. Thankfully, Steve visibly relaxed, Tony could feel his muscles slacken under him. 

"Okay. Just a nice dinner then." Steve whispered, not letting go of his hand, and placing his head softly on top of Tony's. Tony didn't know what he meant by that, and he didn't much care, because at least he was able to make him feel a little better for now. If he had to endure being so physically close to the unattainable man of his dreams in order to help, then that was just a sacrifice he'd have to make.

_  
S: I couldn't do it. Not today._

_N: Seriously? You two were practically cuddling on that couch.  
N: Come on man_

_S: No. I'll figure out a way to tell him, but this is too rushed. I don't want to mess it up.  
S: We're waiting on our car now. We're just going to dinner. A normal dinner. _

_N: Alright then. You come out when you're ready. But don't string him along, or hurt him.  
N: You guys are still going to that Cuban restaurant I told you about, right? _

_S: yeah, why?_

_N: No reason_  
_N: Good luck_  



	20. A Volar (To Fly)

Public speaking? No problem. Fighting aliens when you're severely outnumbered and outgunned? Piece of cake. Going to war on the other side of the world? Steve could do that in his sleep. 

So why was it so hard to just tell Tony how he felt?

He'd spent hours that day trying to think of ways to just come out and say it. 'Hey so, by the way, I like men too.' - 'Tony, I need you to know, I can't get you out of my head.' - 'Would it be okay if dinner tonight turned into a date?' No. Nothing sounded natural. He couldn't even get the flirting down right. He would overthink it. He was a strategist, he couldn't help but to try to attack the task from every angle, and try to predict every outcome. And in the end, every outcome led to the same conclusion: Steve finding one way or another to make a fool of himself.

In the end, he just gave up. His internal battle had made Tony anxious, and he didn't want to worry the man. When he placed his head on Steve's shoulder, he simply gave in, just melting into the comfort. All his problems seemed so far away suddenly, it was easy to forget everything else when he was right next to Tony. Maybe someday, when Steve was brave enough, these touches would really mean something. But today, Steve was just content to be right here, with the man he admired so much, that made him so happy. 

So it was a surprise when they arrived at the restaurant, and the host greeted them with a big smile and some 'good news.'

"Ah! Mister Rogers, I received the call from your secretary. We've been able to make accommodations for you two per her instructions. Please, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Stark, right this way." The host ushered them through the building, all the way to the back, where they had a small booth to themselves facing the rest of the room. The room was dark, only small lights from each table illuminating the area. It was snug, the seat against the wall, just big enough to fit the two of them. Red rose petals were vibrant against the white tablecloth.

"I didn't even know SHIELD gave you a secretary." Tony smiled as he sat, motioning for Steve to join him. 

"Uh..." Steve didn't want to correct him, because doing so would be admitting that he knew exactly who called this in. Natasha would be the death of him. "Maybe they have us confused with someone else. This seems...romantic." 

"I'm pretty sure they know exactly who we are. It's kind of hard to mix up two big celebrities like us, isn't it?" Tony laughed lightheartedly, thankfully taking this very well. "It's probably just the atmosphere of the place, every restaurant has a theme. If you haven't noticed, there's a lot of couples in here, so that's just their shtick. Come on, take a load off. I'm sure the food is worth it. I haven't had Cuban in a long time, and it smells great in here. How'd you find this place?" 

"Someone at SHIELD recommended it..." It technically wasn't a lie. He was mentally kicking himself, he should've checked the place out before letting Natasha convince him to come here. Steve warily sat down, trying to make himself as small as possible so he wouldn't push right up against Tony's side. It would've been cozy, if it wasn't so utterly nerve-racking. 

"Well I've never been here before, and word of mouth is better than any online review in my opinion."

A bartender came over unprompted with two drinks in tall glasses. He lit the small candles on their table and left again without a word. The warm lights flickered, just bright enough to barely reach their faces and not an inch more, a constant reminder of just how close the two men were sitting.

"Oh! I've never seen a mojito like this! Look, rose petals!" Tony held up his glass, delighted at the pretty pink drink. He was right, Steve looked down as his glass, green mint and limes floating next to bright red petals, which gave the liquid a light pink hue. Steve had to admit, it was tasty, if not completely, obviously sensual. They weren't offered menus. Instead, like silent ninjas, the waiters consistently brought out their food and drinks - apparently Natasha had planned their whole meal for them. All the other patrons were taking their time eating and drinking, it seemed like no one had left the establishment since they walked in. Actually, the whole restaurant seemed to be moving in slow motion, even the waiters weren't in any rush, giving the impression that they could take all the time they wanted in here tonight.

"Wow. I've got to give your secretary props. She really went all out with the reservation." Tony, who seemed unbothered by the whole thing, was enjoying all the meats and fried snacks that they were offered. Steve would have been mortified at the intimate, surreal atmosphere surrounding them, had he not been having such a good time too. 

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever had Cuban food before. These banana things are so good." Steve took a big chunk of plantain and smothered it in sauce. 

"Aaaahhmm!" Tony moaned when he stuffed a couple of small cubes in his mouth. "Try this. It's little Cubanos. I'm coming back here for these alone." Tony held up the tiny sandwich in front of Steve's face, and instinctively, Steve opened his mouth. He was pleasantly surprised when Tony leaned in close, gently setting it on his tongue before pulling back. It was literally just a ham and cheese sandwich in cube form, honestly a little pretentious, and altogether good, but not showstopping. But wow, when he looked at Tony, smiling up at him with excited anticipation, it tasted like heaven on earth. He'd probably eat anything out of Tony's hands.

"That's delicious." 

"I know, right!?" Tony squealed. Steve wanted to do the same for Tony, to know the exhilarating feeling of being so close to his mouth. Quickly, before he lost his nerve, he took his fork and dunked a small plantain in the white sauce that accompanied it.

"Here. It's not a vegetable. Trust me, you'll like it." Steve held up the bite, following under it with his other hand so it wouldn't spill. Tony didn't argue, he just opened wide, accepted the food, his beautiful lips curling around Steve's fork, and hummed in approval. Steve got such a rush, a pang of arousal running through him at feeding Tony. He really needed to slow this down, he would surely embarrass himself if he kept this up.

"Yeah, that sauce is amazing. Here, your turn again." Tony cut up a piece of chicken and lifted it to Steve's mouth. Steve closed his eyes and chewed thoughtfully, trying to hide just how much this was affecting him, hoping the darkness of the room would conceal his blush.

"Mmm. Yeah, that's good." Well, if he was going to crash and burn, he might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Steve abandoned his inhibitions and took a piece of fried yucca, feeding it to a cheerful Tony. 

With every bite they shared, Steve was coming closer and closer to a startling realization. Once they had sampled everything on the other's plates, he knew. They were flirting! This was flirting! Right? He wasn't completely sure, because Tony wasn't freaking out, the building wasn't on fire, and the world wasn't coming to an end like he thought would happen. 

The waiter came by to take their empty plates and was back a moment later with a small dessert. a piece of chocolate cake, adorned with berries, and one fork to share. It was surrounded by a chocolate drizzle, in the shape of a heart. _Okay. Don't think. Just smile, like Nat said. He is having a good time, and so are you. That's all that matters._ Steve took this pep talk from himself and fearlessly, or recklessly, picked up a bit of cake with a piece of strawberry on top. 

"Since we're being romantic and all...your favorite." He offered up the cake to Tony. 

"You remembered! Strawberries _are_ my favorite!" Tony leaned in close and happily took the bite. Steve heard music playing in his head. It was perfect. 

Or...wait. There actually _was_ music playing now. Were his thoughts somehow manifesting into reality? He looked up and saw a band had set up at the front of the restaurant at some point during their dinner. How had he missed that? They were playing a slow, rhythmic beat filled with guitar notes and drums. It reminded him of the jazz he'd heard in New Orleans but...different. With flowy strings and light percussion instead of woodwind instruments. 

"Oh! A Latin Jazz band! That's a treat!" Tony settled in, deeper into his chair and leaned on Steve, listening to the smooth notes. Steve took charge in finishing dessert, loving the rich chocolate. He alternated between taking a bite, and reaching over, carefully guiding small forkfulls topped with a bit of berry to Tony. He got shivers up his spine every time Tony gleefully accepted the treat. When they were done, Steve paid, and the band picked up speed, the music turning into a quick and fun melody. Tony squeezed his arm in thanks, watching the band intently. Soon, he noticed something strange. The waiters had stopped serving food a couple songs ago. There seemed to be less and less tables every time he looked up at the band. Even though everyone was done with their meals, no one had left. Instead, more and more people were now standing by the bar, or on the floor in the middle of the restaurant, dancing. 

"Uh...did we somehow teleport into a club?" Steve asked Tony once all the tables and chairs had been taken away by the staff, and only the booths along the walls remained. Tony giggled, he was now holding on to Steve's arm, swinging his legs back and forth to the music. Of course Natasha would find a way to trick him into coming to a place like this.

"I think you found a restaurant that turns into a dance hall after dark." Tony laughed, "Let's go see if the bar will give us more of those cute mojitos." He slid out of the booth, pulling Steve with him. They got their drinks, and Steve watched as Tony smiled bright, looking eager to join. He was swaying in time to the tempo, sipping his drink as he watched the couples dance with fire and enthusiasm. It was obvious that most of the people in here tonight were here for the dancing, they were all so great at it. For all Steve knew, they could have all been professionals, commanding the makeshift stage, turning and dipping their partners with ease.

If Steve wanted to find out if they had indeed been flirting all night, he'd have to take a leap. _Here goes nothing._

"Want to dance?" He put down his finished drink and held out a hand to Tony. Tony's smile turned to shock as he turned to look at him. 

"Do _YOU_ want to dance?" He asked, eyes flicking back and forward from Steve's face to his outstretched hand. 

"Only if you want." Steve shrugged, trying his best to maintain his cool, but his heart was hammering as fast and as hard as the drums echoing around them. Tony put down his drink and slowly took Steve's hand, but instead of heading towards the dancers, he pulled Steve down, closer to him, and turned so he could speak in his ear. 

"Are you sure? You don't need to just for me. What if someone recognizes you? You wouldn't be mad if someone took a picture of you dancing with a _guy?_ " 

"I don't care." Steve smiled, big and bright, just like Nat said. "You might have to teach me though. I don't know how to dance to save my life." Tony seemed convinced then, always up for a challenge, and couldn't help a giddy grin. 

"It's easy! Come on, I'll lead!" Tony practically bounced to the dance floor. He guided them to a dark corner, where no one would get in the way, and positioned Steve's arms, one holding Tony's hand, and the other at his waist. They both paused for a split second, remembering that morning, when Steve woke up gripping Tony right there. Shaking it off, Tony looked back up and started his lesson. 

"So some people will try to teach you by counting the beats or telling you where to move your feet. That's a load of crap. Dancing is all about your hips, and the rest will follow. Don't worry about where you step, right now we'll just move backwards and forward like this." Tony placed his hand on top of Steve's, pushing it against his hip. Steve took a deep, slow breath, in and out, sure to keep his groin as far away from Tony as possible. Wow, maybe this was a terrible idea. "You feel that? Just moving with the rhythm, and when my hips sway like that, my torso and legs naturally move with them. Getting it?" 

"Yep." Steve was afraid all the air in his lungs would gush out if he said any more. 

"So that's the basic movement we'll keep throughout. It sounds like they're sticking to samba and salsa, so this should be fine. Now, leading is easy, I'll show you how. That's what _this_ hand is for." He squeezed Steve's fist with the hands on their other side. "You have to watch out for the small cues I give you. It's all about learning my flow, and you adapt to follow. Like when I pull you a little this way-" Tony pulled their hands to the right, and Steve took that to mean he wanted to twist him, so he let himself be led in a circle, and was caught again a moment later. "Perfect! See, you're a natural! You knew exactly what I wanted to do!" Tony praised him. 

"Like battle. Have to sense what's coming." Steve mumbled to himself. Tony leaned in. 

"Sure, soldier. If it helps to see it that way." He beamed. Steve lost himself in the music, in the flow, in the way Tony pushed him, pulled him, any way he wanted, commanding his every move. Tony laughed when the tempo sped up, turning and turning Steve. He had perfect equilibrium, thanks to the serum, but he still felt dizzy, bubbly, drunk, like he was a whole new person with Tony and he never wanted to look back. Tony clutched him by the waist after catching him in the middle of a twist at the end of a song, and Steve caught the distinctive flash of a camera from their left side. He froze, holding his breath. 

"Oh...should we...should we go?" Tony must have seen it too. 

"No." Steve was more sure of himself than ever, even if he didn't know how to dance, or how to flirt, or how to keep himself sane around this man. He was sure he wanted to be here, lost at sea, as long as he was with Tony. "Let's stay." 

"Let's." Tony grinned. 

So they stayed. 

Steve would forever remember every dip, every turn, every laugh that they shared that night. If he couldn't tell Tony how he felt with his words, he was sure going to try his damndest to tell him with his body.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something I whipped up last night instead of sleeping, at the end there, to kind of show how I envisioned them at the restaurant in their tiny little booth :)


	21. Hungry

_7-22-12_

"You saw that couple in the blue who just wouldn't stop? I swear I've seen them on Dancing with the Stars! Have you watched that yet? It's a dancing competition show. Maybe we should practice, I bet we can be on next season! They do a lot of salsa on there, it's a very expressive form of dance, great for TV, but you totally noticed that today, right?" Tony was still full of energy as they stepped out of the car, excitedly recounting their night. Expressive was definitely one way to describe the evening. All of Steve's senses were on overdrive. Seeing the way Tony smirked when he was able to pull off a new move. Smelling Tony's slightly spicy cologne whenever he was tugged in close. Still hearing the chest-thumping beat of the music ringing in his ears. Feeling Tony grab him all over, twisting and contorting their bodies with electrifying precision. He was now keenly aware of why Tony was so good at piloting and fighting in the Ironman suit.

"It was a lot of fun. Thank you for teaching me." Steve would learn every style of dance in the world if it meant it would make Tony this enlivened again. 

"Thanks for bringing me there. I had so much fun." Tony did seem really happy, Steve loved seeing the laugh lines in the corners of his eyes when he couldn't contain his smile. He chuckled as Tony clutched his arm to walk up the stairs to the entrance of Stark Tower. 

He couldn't believe it was already so late, time flew by and he didn't even realize it until the bar announced last call. They had spent the night drinking fruity mocktails to keep awake, chatting with friendly patrons, standing on the sidelines as they watched impromptu dance-offs between the regulars, enthusiastically cheering them on. Best of all, Steve enjoyed dancing song after song with Tony, who was kind enough to only let Steve be his partner. _'Don't worry, I won't let some weirdo sweep you away while I'm not looking.'_ he'd said, and Steve was grateful and thrilled at the thought of having Tony all to himself.

"Hey. I was wondering." Tony asked as Steve opened the door for them. "Was this some kind of beta test?" 

"Hm?" Steve gave Tony a puzzled look. 

"You know, like a trial run. Are you planning on taking a special girl there on a date, and wanted to scope it out first? If so, it's a nice place. I bet she'll love it. I sure did." Tony was peering at their shoes as they walked to the elevators, but Steve could feel him holding his arm just a little tighter.

This was his chance, the moment felt right, and natural, exactly like he wanted. It must've been the adrenaline from all the dancing, or the glow after being so close to Tony all night, but he felt so connected with the man, like everything tonight was intimate and theirs alone. It was now or never.

"No." Steve paused a second, the elevator doors had opened, and he guided them on. When the doors closed, he continued. "It wasn't a trial run for anything. I don't have any gal that I'd want to take on a date there. I think...I'd rather take a nice, smart, handsome fella." 

Tony's breath hitched and his eyebrows shot up, but he didn't move, or make a sound. The elevator ride up was long and slow, it seemed to go on forever. Finally it came to a stop and the doors opened on Steve's floor. He didn't know what to make of Tony's silence, but the man hadn't pulled away either. He may not have even taken a breath the whole ride up. 

Steve wiggled his arm a little and Tony jerked his head up, realizing Steve was at his destination, and immediately let go. 

"Oh. Sorry." He flexed his hands a few times before finding the rail behind him and gripping it tight, knuckles turning white under the pressure. 

"It's okay." Steve was terrified he'd ruined everything. "Well...I suppose this is goodnight then." He didn't budge, though, frantically searching his brain for a way to get back to the light mood they had lost.

"I suppose..." Tony trailed off, his gaze seemed distant. Steve deflated, that was it then. He started to turn around and walk out, when a hand grabbed his. "Wait." Steve turned back, looking at Tony expectantly. The other man still looked far away, the same look he would get when solving a difficult equation. 

After an agonizing minute, Tony seemed to have come to some sort of conclusion. He snapped back to reality, and straightened up, not letting go of Steve's hand. 

"Is that what you wanted to get off your chest earlier? That you're bi?" 

Steve nodded. 

They stood there for another minute before Steve couldn't take the silence anymore. 

"Is that okay?" Steve asked, genuinely scared for some reason.

"What?" Tony made a face like he'd been slapped. "Y-yes. Of course. That's... I'm glad you...I mean- it's more than okay. Yeah-uh... That's good." 

Well, Steve didn't know where to go from here. He didn't want to make any other move, Tony wasn't drunk, but he'd had a few drinks earlier, so it wouldn't be right to say anything else tonight. Instead, he mustered up what little courage he had left to move closer. 

"Alright, well, goodnight then." He pulled Tony into a loose side hug. The smaller man, maybe by instinct, held Steve back. Steve lowered his head into Tony's fluffy hair, unsure of himself. He brushed his lips on the top of Tony's head, ever so lightly, he didn't even know if the other man felt it or not. They pulled apart and Steve walked out, hearing the elevator doors close behind him.

It had been over an hour. Steve was exhausted after such a long day, but he couldn't sleep. He kept replaying their elevator conversation in his head. He didn't know how it went so wrong. Maybe he hadn't picked the best time to tell Tony something like that, maybe he should have said something before taking Tony out. Maybe he'd fucked it all up, and now-

His phone buzzed. 

_  
T: Me too  
T: sorry, you came out to me and I didn't even say anything, like a moron.  
T: I'm proud of you for telling me. I'm sorry I didn't say anything  
T: me too, as in, I'm bi too.  
_

Steve let out a shaky breath and couldn't stop a tear or two from slipping out. Why was he crying? Some of the tension in his chest left at the realization that Tony was still up, and probably still overthinking everything like Steve was. God, he felt like he was on an emotional rollercoaster. His hands were unsteady as he texted back. 

_  
S: Thanks.  
S: yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I didn't know how to bring it up._

_T: no, please.  
T: don't ever apologize for that  
T: I know it's hard_

_S: it is._

_T: can I ask you something else?  
T: it might sound crazy  
T: you don't even need to dignify it with a response if I'm way off base here  
T: you know what, i may have had too many drinks. I don't know what I'm talking about_

_S: spit it out, Shellhead.  
_

Steve watched as three little dots kept appearing and disappearing at the bottom of his screen. Tony was obviously having a hard time typing out whatever he wanted to say. Steve was about to tell him to just ask tomorrow, when he finally got a new message.

 _  
T: was tonight supposed to be a date?_

Steve sat up in bed. Okay. Come on, soldier. You can do this. 

_  
S: we never agreed that it was  
S: but  
S: I would've liked for it to be a date  
S: if you wanted it to be.  
_

He didn't need to wait as long for the next message. Or the one after that, or the next several messages to follow. He read them all, over and over, and smiled, and laughed out loud, and wiped the tears from his eyes, all the happy tears that he couldn't stop from escaping. 

_  
T: no! it doesn't count! I didn't even know it was a date!  
T: you sneak  
T: we're having a re-do  
T: tomorrow  
T: I didn't even get a real kiss!  
T: I'm so mad at you, Winghead. How could you take me on a date and not even tell me?  
T: I knew those sexy pants were a trap!  
T: a distraction! so you could have your way without me even realizing it  
T: you vixen _

_S: 😇_

_T: 🥰  
T: ugh I can't stay mad at you_

_S: was it obvious that I wanted it to be a date?_

_T: No? Yes?  
T: I think I just still can't believe you're not straight. _

_S: really? I thought that much was obvious at least.  
S: That's why I thought you wouldn't want to go on a date with me. You hadn't asked, and you seem like you would be the one to make the first move. I thought you knew. _

_T: Well now I feel stupid_

_S: Don't. I should've been clear, I was just very bad at flirting, apparently.  
S: I can't wait for our real date tomorrow_

_T: Me either_

_S: Guess we should try to get some sleep, huh?_

_T: Ugh, I guesssss_

_S: hahaha  
S: Goodnight ❤️ _

_T: goodnight ❤️_

Steve barely got any sleep. He was too excited, nervous, delighted, anxious...he didn't know what to do. He wanted to hide away and text Tony some more, to see what this all really meant, were they really on the same page? How would things change now? They had agreed to go on a real date today though, and he didn't want to come off as overbearing, so he forced himself to maintain radio silence. At the same time, he couldn't wait to see Tony again. He gave up trying to sleep and got out of bed as soon as the sun shone through his windows. He got showered and dressed, and went downstairs to the common area to make some breakfast. Maybe he would get lucky and run into Tony this morning before anyone else got up-

"Hey Steve! Need any help?" Bruce cheerfully walked into the kitchen. 

"Oh, hey Bruce. Good morning." Steve was a little disappointed that he wouldn't get alone time with Tony this morning, but he knew Tony wasn't a morning person, and he certainly wouldn't take that out on friendly Bruce. "Sure, I'm making some pancakes today. Could you maybe clean up the berries for me if you don't mind?" 

"Of course." Bruce picked up the package of strawberries, taking them to the sink, and Natasha walked in shortly after. 

"Had a good night, Steve? I didn't hear you come in until past 2am." Natasha asked, not so quietly, behind Steve while steeping her tea. 

"Yep. Good." He shot her a glare, but she innocently smiled back. He didn't elaborate, he hadn't been able to really talk to Tony yet, and so he didn't want to assume anything about where they stood. 

"I'll bet." She remarked, and he snorted and turned back around. Thankfully, she didn't press any further, letting the boys finish making breakfast as she made herself comfortable at the bar. 

"You know, Thor left for Asgard last night. He said he would be back by the end of August though, I'm hoping I can convince him to help me with a few more experiments before we leave for Tajikistan." Bruce made light conversation as they worked. 

"I'm sure he will. Too bad he'll miss today's game though. Seems like he really enjoyed it." Natasha replied. As she and Bruce discussed all the other sporting events the god might like, Steve was becoming more and more antsy. He should've said something last night, in person, at least then he'd have a better gauge of how their dynamic might have changed. Maybe he should have stayed in bed after all, he couldn't imagine trying to talk to Tony now, in front of everyone. But it would be much too forward to ask to visit him in his penthouse, right? Maybe he could invite Tony to his apartment. Shoot, he should have made breakfast there, so it would be just the two of them. Would it be weird to take some pancake batter up? Maybe no one would notice-

"Pancakes!" Clint was somehow up and awake now. That was unusual. Normally Clint was the last to drag himself out of bed. Steve looked around, the coffee pot was full, pancakes were stacking up and smelling great. So where was Tony? 

"Hey Steve! What did you think of the game yesterday? Did you see those triples? Man, Hefner really doesn't need to be pitching anymore." Clint excitedly came up behind Steve. Well, there was no getting out of here now. 

"Oh, yeah. Good thing for the Mets that he's sitting out today." Steve tried to pay attention to the conversation in front of him, but couldn't help glancing at the elevators every few minutes. 

They had breakfast, watched TV, and the morning crawled by, with no sign of Tony. Finally, it was time to leave for the last game. Steve was nervously re-reading last night's texts on the couch when Tony walked in. 

"Hey, Stark's finally up! You guys ready to go?" Clint announced.

Steve looked up and they locked eyes. He didn't move from his spot on the couch, while everyone else got up, getting ready to head out. 

"You guys go ahead. Steve and I have some work to discuss. We'll meet you there later." Tony's voice was cool and collected, nothing like how Steve felt right now. 

"Be direct." He heard Nat whisper as she walked by him, on her way out. Once it was just them, it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room. Steve stood up, walking over to Tony, who wasn't showing any emotion, one way or another.

"Tony-" No. Be direct! Like Nat said. " _Baby,_ is everything oka-MMPH!" Steve grabbed the smaller man who had jumped into his arms and was now kissing him passionately. An electric current ran up Steve's spine, and he was kissing back immediately.

"Mmm...yes...always call me that...Why didn't you....come upstairs....this morning...." Tony gasped through broken kisses. Steve kept chasing his mouth, desperate for more. 

"Y'didn't...ask me to." Steve plainly answered, then tried to shut Tony up with another kiss. The other man wasn't having it though. 

"I thought...I'd let you...mmm...decide if we should take it slow if you...ah...if that's what you want..." Tony moaned between Steve trying to lick his way back into his mouth. 

"No." Steve practically growled. He couldn't control his hands, one groping Tony's soft, round bottom, the other clutching his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. 

Tony giggled as Steve pushed him against a wall, hungry for more. Steve didn't know how he ever lived without this - without Tony's body, without these sweet moans and kisses, without being _his._ It felt as natural as breathing, and he knew he never wanted to go without it again, never wanted to belong to anyone else.

Tony, ever the tease, rolled his hips up, pushing the hard bulge in his pants against Steve. Steve involuntarily bucked up at that, and Tony grabbed his hair in response, to keep his balance. This sent a shot of lust through Steve's body, his mouth aching to be filled, needing Tony to pull on his hair again. Without warning, he pulled away, put Tony back on solid ground and dropped to his knees in an instant. 

"Wow." Tony was panting, staring at him, trying to catch his breath and wondering if he was really seeing the beautiful supersoldier kneeling before him, or if this was some delirious dream from lack of sleep. 

"Can I?" Steve gazed right back into those deep dark eyes. Tony nodded. The moment Steve got permission, he expertly unbuttoned and pulled Tony's pants to his calves. He didn't wait, didn't build up to it, he needed to feel the weight of the big cock in front of him on his tongue right now. He licked his lips and took him, halfway down, in one fluid motion. Tony yelped, one hand crumpling Steve's shirt on his shoulder, the other fisting his hair, pulling tight. Steve's eyes began to water, yes, fuck, this is exactly what he wanted. He was so turned on, almost hysterical with the need to make Tony feel good, to feel his whimpers and the way his body shuddered against him. He pushed his face in closer, until his nose was buried in Tony's thin, groomed bush. It smelled amazing, just like he thought it would, manly, rich, like metal, like Tony's skin, like his bedsheets that first morning he woke up in his arms. 

Steve grabbed Tony's thigh with one hand to keep himself steady as he fumbled with his belt with the other hand. He alternated between focusing on trying to pull on his zipper, and taking Tony's leaking cock back down his throat over and over, pushing closer again every time he pulled back a little too far between undoing his own pants. Finally, his dick sprung free, and he rubbed himself, his throaty moan vibrating through Tony.

"Fuck Stevie...I can't...I'm going to.." Tony tried to warn him, but Steve didn't want him to pull away. Still stroking his own cock, Steve moved his other hand up to Tony's perfect plump ass. He squeezed it towards himself, signaling Tony to fuck his mouth. Tony quickly took the hint and - by some glorious miracle - pulled hard on Steve's hair as he let his hips take over. Steve was choking on the thick prick deep down his throat a little, just enough to make him lightheaded with lust. It was only a few more seconds before Steve felt hot spray hit the back of his mouth, then the sensation of the thick fluid running down his open throat. He moaned loudly through the still-throbbing dick in his mouth, eyes closing as he came right along with him, his own cock squirting all over the wall behind his trembling lover as he swallowed over and over until he finally felt Tony gently tug once on his head. He slowly moved back, opening up as softly as he could, admiring the now half-hard unit sitting on his tongue, wet and slick, when he finally let it slip out. 

He looked up and Tony was staring right back, eyes half lidded, pupils big and dark, one hand still in Steve's hair, the other reached down and caressed his cheek. Steve leaned into the touch, and felt such a strong connection, loyalty, a bond like he'd never felt before. They didn't move, both unable to look away. Tony was the one who broke the silence. 

"You...you really like that, don't you sweetie?" Tony flexed his fingers in Steve's hair, and Steve's cock jolted up again at that. 

"Yes." Was all he could manage. Tony pulled back and noticed Steve holding his still hard, red cock. "Honey, but didn't you...?" Tony turned to look at the obvious dripping mess behind them. "Wow. You can go again?" He turned once more to look at Steve, knees spread apart, mouth open and still panting. 

"It's okay. I can..." Steve didn't get to finish his thought before Tony was sliding to the floor, pushing his chest down until he was laying on his back, Tony on top of him. 

"Nonsense. Let me return the favor, gorgeous." Tony kept one hand on Steve's chest so he would stay put while he made his way lower, kissing and licking Steve's chest, his nipples, abs, the curve of his hips. Steve was so sensitive right now, ready to burst any second. 

"T-tony I don't t-think I'll last m-much..." He trailed off as Tony sucked on the skin right inside his thighs. He kissed, further until he was settled between his legs, then, with a naughty grin, licked a wet stripe right up Steve's twitching cock. He took the head in his mouth, tongue playing with his frenulum. Steve quietly gasped, spreading his legs open wider without even realizing it. Only a moment later, Tony was taking him all the way in, holding his hips down with both hands, that way Steve wouldn't be able to thrust up and Tony could set his own, excruciatingly slow pace. It was too much, Steve was used to cumming twice, sometimes even three times back to back. He usually never spent this much time between orgasms, being slow or thorough. He was so keyed up, he could feel everything like his senses were heightened, every inch of his cock screaming in joy in Tony's warm, wet mouth. Tony slowly circled his cock with his tongue, lapping his way up to the head before sucking him hard, taking him deeper, then pulling back off and starting over. Steve was in euphoria, body writhing in pleasure. 

"Fuck." He tried to grab something, anything, but there was nothing nearby. Tony, feeling Steve's balls pull up, grabbed both of Steve's hands with his and held on tight, pushing his face down and swallowing the soldier's hot spunk until there wasn't a drop left.

Finally, Steve went boneless and let his head drop back - ow. He hit the hard tile floor with the back of his head. Wait, why were they on the kitchen floor? When did they get here? The last time he wasn't blind with desire was...he'd picked up a kissing Tony and slammed him against a wall...guess it was the pantry wall. Huh. He laid there for a minute, catching his breath, when Tony started to move next to him, wriggling around until finally he was snuggled up between his chest and arm. 

"Hey." Tony looked up at him, smiling. 

"Hey." Steve smiled back, probably looking dopey and fucked-out.

"So is that a yes or no on taking it slow?" Tony traced circles on Steve's chest with a finger while he zipped his pants back up with his other hand. 

Steve laughed and ducked, hiding his face in Tony's hair. He kissed Tony's head again, like he'd done last night. 

"Now give me a real kiss too." Tony laughed along with him, and they lazily made out for a bit. Soon, though, Steve was starting to feel the cold, hard floor under them, and it couldn't be comfortable for Tony either. 

"Sorry, we probably should have talked about it first." He zipped himself up and stood, slapping away Tony's hand when he reached for help getting up, opting to pick up the man instead, bridal style. Tony squealed in delight, throwing his hands around Steve's neck. 

"It's okay. I don't know about you but I really enjoyed that." Tony yawned when Steve laid him down on the big couch. 

"You know I did." Steve placed a small peck on Tony's lips as his eyes started to droop shut. "Take a nap while I clean up over there. I'm sure the gang wouldn't be too thrilled about a messy kitchen floor...or wall." 

"Nnnnnn..." Tony tried to argue, but was approaching sleep quickly. "Come baaack." 

"Be right there, baby." Steve beamed as he took some bleach out of the cabinet, so thrilled to be able to call Tony that now. Maybe they hadn't really talked things through yet, but the way Tony looked at him, called him sweet names, the way he felt against his body, he knew in his heart how the other felt too, and it was enough for now. After cleaning, he made his way back to the couch and found Tony fast asleep. Well, he was pretty tired too, not having gotten much rest last night, so he laid down next to him and cuddled up, pulling the smaller man against him. He gripped Tony close, as close as he could, and fell asleep to the soft sounds of his quiet snoring.


	22. Epilogue

He dreamt of butterfly wings, lightly flapping all around him. Feathers softly tickling his skin. He was floating in the breeze, a ray of sunshine warming his face. Slowly, the dream melted away, and he opened his eyes, waking up to dozens of sweet little kisses all over his face and neck. He wouldn't mind walking up like this for the rest of his life. He chuckled, returning little kisses to the man laying on top of him. 

"Sorry, Stevie. I just woke up. Looks like we missed the game." Tony apologized with another little peck to Steve's cheek. 

"Aw, that's okay. There'll be plenty of baseball to watch. I'm okay just doing this." Steve turned Tony over, pushing him into the couch cushions, nuzzling into him. The handsome genius laughed, and didn't stop his relentless attack. Steve let his hands roam, feeling every curve of Tony's supple body, enjoying every kiss that he was gifted. He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard the elevator doors open. 

"Steve! Where the hell were you? You missed a crazy game, Ramirez practically handed your guys the big win in the 12th inning! It was amazi- wait who is that behind you?" Clint and Natasha walked in, and the archer just now realized what Nat was already seeing. Tony poked his head up from behind Steve's broad shoulders and smiled. 

"That's a rude question, who else would it be?" Tony wrapped his arms and legs around Steve like an octopus, laughing at Clint's gagging noises. 

"Ugh, nope. Dad and dad are at it again!" Clint made a U-turn and headed back for the elevators before Natasha grabbed him by the collar. 

"Sorry." Steve was furiously blushing, pulling himself upright, but unwilling to let go of Tony. He sat the other man down right on his lap, unashamedly. It was thrilling, to know that Tony didn't want to hide this new...development from their friends. 

"Congratulations, you two. I'm glad you finally figured it out." Natasha pulled Clint over and nudged him with her foot. 

"Yeah, yeah. Mazel Tov and all that. Does this mean you guys will finally move in together so I can take Steve's floor? Or better yet, you guys should move into Steve's apartment so I can have the penthouse. Hawks need the highest vantage point you know!-OW!" Clint rubbed his arm where Natasha pinched him.

"Don't ask questions like that, idiot." Natasha reprimanded. 

"It's okay. We don't uh...we haven't really talked anything through yet." Tony looked at Steve, and Steve pulled him closer. 

"We'll talk tonight. On our date." He smiled. 

"Oh! Let's go back to that Cuban place! I could go for some more dancing!" Tony gleefully suggested. 

"Sorry guys. They only do dance halls once a week, on Saturdays." Natasha pointed out. 

"Aw, that's too-huh? How do you know....wait. I KNEW IT! _YOU'RE_ Steve's secretary!" Tony pointed at her, and Natasha snickered. 

"Sure. Let's leave them alone, Hawkass." They retreated back into the elevator and then it was just the two of them again. 

"So, where do you want to go for dinner, baby?" Steve kissed Tony again, wondering if he'd ever be able to keep his hands to himself again. Probably not. 

"Let's go to that rooftop terrace." 

"Really?"

"Yeah." Tony smiled and kissed back. "I think I could stomach some veggies if you're the one feeding them to me." Steve smiled against Tony's lips. He could definitely do that.

Steve cut up a portion of asparagus and dipped it in their decadent, creamy garlic aioli, guiding the delicious bite to Tony's lips. 

"Mmmm...why didn't you tell me this place was so good?" Tony teased. 

"Ha ha. I tried to tell you. I tried telling you a lot of things, actually. Sorry it took me so long." Steve was on cloud nine, finally on a real date with Tony. 

"Oh yeah? How long exactly?" Tony wiggled his eyebrows. Steve thought back. 

"Hm...Well, let's just say, if you had asked me to share a bed with you in LA, I probably would've said yes." Steve shyly admitted behind a forkful of steak. 

**"WHAT?"** Tony gasped. "That long? So much time wasted!" He dramatically clutched at his reactor.

"Yeah," Steve chuckled, "We really aren't the best at communication, are we?"

"Mmm." Tony hummed as he chewed. 

"Speaking of that," Steve started. "Um...so...are we...just so we're clear, you know..." 

"Boyfriends?" Tony bluntly asked.

"Y-yeah?" Steve didn't know why this was still so hard. 

"Is that what you want?" Tony playfully slid his legs over to Steve's and rubbed his shin with his shoe under the table. 

Well, at some point, Steve was going to have to live up to his Captain America reputation. He bravely joined their hands, resolved to speak everything he'd held inside.

"Baby, what i want you to know is, that I'm in this for the long haul, if you feel the same way, that is. I mean, if you're okay with that..." He gripped Tony's hands a little tighter, hoping he wasn't making a fool of himself, so head over heels already. 

"I'm in it to win it, Stevie." Tony squeezed his hands back, settling his nerves. He could do this.

"Good. Great. I mean, I'm so glad. You mean so much to me. I don't know where I'd be without you, seriously." He rubbed the back of Tony's hands with his thumbs. "I promise I'll always be good to you. You deserve that, you deserve the whole world. I want you to be able to rely on me, to trust in me completely, sweetheart, and I know that will take some time-" 

"I do trust you, you know I do. But...yeah there might be times when I'm insecure, or scared. So just...I promise to do my best if you promise to hang in there with me." Tony leaned in. 

"Always." Steve closed the gap with a kiss.

8-17-12

It was almost a month later before they told each other how they really felt. 

"Oh come on! You guys were supposed to be the judges! We can't end in a tie!" Tony whined to the rest of the Avengers. 

"Sorry, Tones. Both pizzas were really good. We really can't choose." Natasha explained. 

"But his had _vegetables_...in a _pizza_!" Tony wasn't letting this go. 

"Try it, babe. I'm telling you, artichokes go great with spinach and loads of cheese." Steve held up a slice to Tony, who rolled his eyes, but took a bite anyways. He tried to hate it, he really did, but...ugh! Somehow, it did taste delicious. 

"Mmm....Fine. Gimme the rest of the slice, meanie. Since you insist on tricking me into eating my veggies by making them taste good." He huffed as Steve beamed, and they all enjoyed the rest of their pizza from their first ever 'Boyfriend Cooking Competition.' 

After, Steve and Tony cleaned the kitchen, and peeled off their aprons, but were still covered head to toe in caked-on flour, sticky cheese and tomato sauce in all the wrong places. They said their goodnights to the rest of the team, and headed upstairs to their penthouse. 

"Come on, don't sit babe, you'll get dough all over the couch cushions." Steve was pulling Tony's shirt off, making sure to avoid the new decorations hanging on the penthouse walls; photos of their last month of travel and dates, filled with kisses and big smiles. They had decided to take a few weeks to finish Steve's tour of the country, together. 

"Yeah, but i don't wanna wait for you to finish your shower while sitting naked on the floor." Tony pouted as he pulled off his olive oil stained pants. 

"Then I'll wait, I don't mind. You go ahead first, hun." Steve pulled him into a smooch. 

"Why don't we just...shower together?" Tony used his best puppy dog eyes, and of course it was going to work on poor, defenseless Steve. 

"Sure, baby." Steve gave in, so easily. He was a little nervous though, they'd never shared a shower together. In fact, there were a lot of things they still hadn't done together, which was fine, really. He'd have the rest of his life for firsts with Tony. For instance, they still hadn't used the word 'love' in front of the other. That was fine, Steve figured he would wait until he knew this was a sure thing. Really though, every day with Tony had been better than the last, and he couldn't imagine a life without him anymore.

The other thing they still hadn't... let's just say Steve still considered himself a virgin, even though they had done plenty with their hands and mouths over the last few weeks. But Steve was determined to change that tonight, their first night back home after their completed road trip, and the first night they were officially moved in together. 

They finished stripping down, leaving their dirty clothes in a pile on the tile, so they wouldn't ruin the soft rugs in their bedroom. Steve blushed as Tony took his hand, leading him to their spacious bathroom, water already heating up for them. Steve tried to avert his gaze from his very handsome, very naked boyfriend in the rising steam. He still wasn't used to seeing Tony naked, maybe he would never get used to it, the way it gave him a rush, made his mouth water. 

"Wash my hair?" Tony asked sweetly as they stepped into the hot spray, and Steve obliged right away. Tony knew that Steve liked to touch, couldn't stay away, really. So he would offer up any opportunity for his boyfriend to get his hands on him. Steve happily lathered up Tony's scalp, then soaped up his hands, working down the other man's body, scrubbing every muscle, and Tony did the same for him. When they were finally clean, Tony pushed up against Steve's chest, pulling him down for a kiss, moaning into his mouth, their wet hard dicks sliding against each other. Tony pulled back and was about to get on his knees when Steve held him up by the arms. 

"No? Not tonight, baby?" Tony asked. 

"Um...I was thinking...you said whenever I was ready and...I think I'm ready. Maybe we could dry off and take this into the bedroom?" He nervously suggested. They had discussed it, as much as Steve enjoyed giving head, and he REALLY enjoyed it, they decided to have sex only when Steve felt ready. 

"Yeah." Tony breathed, his dick twitching in interest. "You sure?"

"Positive." Steve placed a tender kiss to Tony's lips before turning the water off and grabbing a fluffy towel, smiling when a giggling Tony squirmed under his groping, lightly patting and rubbing his skin dry. While Tony grabbed some lube, he quickly toweled himself off too, and followed Tony to their bed, squeezing handfuls of soft, silky skin along the way. They fell onto the sheets, their kisses becoming more heated, hands roaming lower, until soon Steve found himself on his back, tightly holding Tony's thighs, trying to rub his hips up against the other's. 

"What do you want, baby? Tell me, I'll do anything." Tony bent over him, whispering into Steve's ear. He shivered, he knew exactly what he wanted. 

"Please...need you inside me." Steve let out a shaky breath, barely holding himself back from just slamming Tony against the bed and rubbing their bodies together until he felt release. No, he needed to be patient, this is what he'd been waiting for. 

"That's a big step, honey. But of course, I'll be gentle." Tony placed a small kiss behind Steve's ear before opening the bottle of lube, coating his fingers with a generous amount of slick. 

"N-no...not gentle..." Steve begged as he heard Tony getting ready, wanting to be manhandled, wanting to feel every inch of his man. 

"Believe me, handsome. I'll fuck you into the mattress once you're ready. But right now, just while I open you up, it'll need to be nice and slow, okay? Tell me if you want to stop at any point, you can change your mind, and we can do something else, okay? Just breathe for me, we have all the time in the world." Tony fondled his hair as he used an elbow to nudge Steve's knee, the soldier understood his orders and opened up his legs, letting his lover get settled between them. Tony ran his hand over Steve's hole, spreading a little lube there to get him ready. 

"God, I could watch you like this all day, seeing you lose control of yourself." Tony said in a deep, comforting voice as he let his slick fingers trace around Steve's warm opening, letting him adjust to the sensations near his virgin hole as he peppered tiny kisses under his ear. Steve knew he must look so obscene, so vulgar right now, spreading his legs for his lover, probably squirming under his touch, but he didn't care. He wanted Tony all around him, inside him, could lose his mind at the very thought of it.

Tony then tangled his hand into Steve's hair and yanked his head back, sucking on his throat, knowing how much the big guy loved having his hair pulled, and probably figuring it would offer a nice distraction while he slipped the first digit in. Steve moaned, loud and hard, feeling the burning sting of Tony's finger pushing inside him. It didn't hurt too much, mostly it just felt...different. The sensation was overpowered by how hot his face was from Tony angling his head to reach his neck better, biting and licking him through the worst of it. 

Steve shivered in nervous excitement. His nipples were rock hard, and somewhere off in the distance, he was aware of his swollen cock being pushed up into his abs by Tony's perfect, soft stomach. The pain receded and Tony let go of his hair, now lightly caressing it again while he slipped another finger in, this one sliding in easier than the first. Tony must've known it was coming, because he braced himself right before curving his fingers up, rubbing against Steve's prostate, making him yelp, almost jumping up in pleasure. 

"Shhh...yeah. Feel that, baby? Good, isn't it? God, your hole is really opening up so nicely for me now. I think I can put another finger in right now. You want that, baby?" Tony was holding on to Steve's shoulder as he pushed his hand deeper. Steve was still reeling from the pressure on his sensitive spot, and couldn't answer, pushing his hips down to feel more, his eyes rolling back, mouth agape. 

"Fuck, you really like it, huh? Yeah, why don't we take the edge off before I fuck you silly?" Tony pushed a third finger in, Steve's ass tight around his hand, but wet and ready. "God, you're gorgeous. Hold on to the sheets, I'm gonna make you cum all over yourself, all over that pretty chest, so I can watch all your jizz slide off you, get the bed so dirty while I fuck you." 

Tony started pumping his hand in and out, Steve's mouth wide open as he twisted his grip in the sheets above his head, gasping for air. 

"You want something in your hungry little mouth don't you? You love sucking on me when you come, don't you baby? Here-" Tony moved one leg up and over, on top of Steve's hip so he could keep his leverage as he fucked Steve's ass with one hand, and placed a couple fingers in Steve's mouth with the other hand. Steve immediately sucked, moaning when he felt the finger pads against his tongue. He loved this, feeling Tony all over him, inside both of his holes. Tony kept up the jackhammer pace, pushing in faster and faster until Steve's cock was leaking. Like a punch to the gut, Steve threw his head back, Tony's fingers slipping out of his mouth, and screamed. He felt so full of pleasure, so full of-

"Love you! Love you... Love...you..." He panted as he came, red cock untouched, squirting all over his chest and stomach. With ragged breath, he slowly dragged himself back to reality, endorphin rush fading away, and he let himself bask in the warm, messy afterglow. His release had been overwhelming, he'd never had anyone else play with his ass like that before, and it felt so good, like Tony was filling in a gap he didn't even know he had. 

After a few seconds though, something was off. It was too quiet...he opened his eyes and looked up, Tony staring down at him with a shocked expression, unmoving. He hadn't even taken his fingers out yet.

"Baby? What's wrong?" Steve watched as Tony blinked, and took a deep breath, shock turning to worry. 

"Did...did you mean that?" He quietly asked. Steve wondered what he could be talking about when he suddenly realized that he might have .. no, DEFINITELY had said what he was thinking out loud at the end there in the heat of it all. He was mortified, but he **did** mean it. This was their dilemma though, their downfall always came from miscommunication. He wouldn't keep it from Tony any longer. He took a deep breath, hoping this wouldn't blow up in his face.

"Yes." Steve reached up and pushed Tony's hair out of his face, settling his hand on the back of his head, just now realizing how much he meant it. Here he was, happier than he ever thought possible, with this man who's very touch grounded him, made him feel at home in a world he thought was no longer for him. "I love you, with all my heart." He simply stated. Someday, he would tell Tony about every way he was loved, every reason, and he would have the rest of their lives to do so.

"I love you too." Tony bent down and kissed him, fiercely. Steve shivered at the sound of those words, like a huge weight had been lifted off him. To love Tony and to be loved back, it was amazing - it should've felt constraining but instead it was liberating. He could've shouted it from the rooftops, had he not still been so incredibly turned on by the suddenly determined man on top of him. Steve felt Tony slip his fingers out of him, and heard the pop of the lube bottle opening again. Two quick squirts and Tony was slicking himself up, lining up the head of his wet cock up with Steve's spent hole. Steve pulled his legs back, opening wider, allowing Tony to bend forward and keep kissing him while he pushed in. Steve gasped, one hand stuck between them, squeezing his rapidly hardening cock as he realized that Tony was really, really inside him now. And he loved him back. He loved him back! He threw his other arm around his man, relishing in being completely surrounded by him, penetrated by him, giving himself up entirely to him. Tony didn't waste any time, he started rocking into him, quickly reaching a punishing pace. The wet cum between them was cooling, slick, rubbing all over them as Tony slammed into Steve, harder and harder. He pulled himself up then, holding on to Steve's knees as he started pounding deeper and faster, and Steve watched his own cum glisten on Tony's chest. 

"Love you s-so much...ah...feel so good baby...fuck..." Tony tried to keep talking to Steve, but was losing himself as well. Steve reached behind him, shoving a pillow behind his back so he could watch Tony as he fell apart. Once he was balanced, he reached down again to stroke himself in time with Tony's thrusts. 

"Mine... Mine... You're _mine,_ Steve." Tony chanted as he drove his cock in and out, barely pulling back a few inches before slamming in again. Steve loved being completely filled, felt shots of pleasure every time Tony pounded all the way in. It was like he was being split in half, in the best way possible. He loved being Tony's. 

"I'm yours." He managed a shaky breath before he felt his hole fluttering around the big member inside it. Tony let out a high pitched whine before quivering, then tensing up and squeezing Steve's thighs with both hands. Steve felt a pulsing in his ass, then hot seed spilling out around the cock that was still slowly, sensually gliding in and out. Tony moved his hands down to his hips and then slammed in hard a few more times, loud, wet sounds of come and lube slapping and squirting together filling the air, and Steve came again, a silent scream escaping his lungs, his seed spilling all over himself. 

His vision whited out for a second, and in the next moment, he was staring up at the ceiling, a sweaty, panting Tony laying on top of him, both hearts racing together. They laid there for a few minutes before Steve was able to gather all his strength and wrap his arms around the genius. 

He loved Tony, so much, and couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with him.

Tony POV

Tony was so comfortable like this, but they would have to get up soon and clean themselves off if they didn't want to wake up stuck together, though... that might not be too bad. He let out a little sigh, happy that they'd finally just come out and said that they love each other. He'd realized it a while ago, but didn't want to risk messing up this perfect relationship. He knew Steve meant it too, even if he'd said it in the middle of an orgasm. Steve had proven it without words time and time again, but it was such a relief for it to be out in the open now. He chuckled to himself. He lifted his torso up, balancing on Steve's chest, smiling at his cute, weary boyfriend under him. 

"Guess we better clean up, hm?" Tony said as he peered down at him through half lidded eyes. 

"I'm so tired of doing laundry." Steve grumbled, but picked them both up from the bed, heading to the bathroom to wash up. "Maybe we should go down to my old bed and sleep there tonight."

"You don't think Birdbrain's already moved in?" Tony asked as Steve got a wet towel, careful to get it nice and warm before wiping it on Tony's chest. 

"Guess we could always sleep in the guest room next door. Rhodey doesn't mind us using his bed right?" Steve gave Tony a playful look as he finished cleaning him off. 

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Tony flicked a finger on Steve's nose, and the other man laughed wholeheartedly at that. 

"Good." Steve pulled him in close. "I don't wanna clean sheets tonight. I wanna sleep with my sugar daddy." He stuck his nose into Tony's neck and chuckled when Tony huffed, pretending to be annoyed, and tried to squirm away from his tight hold. "Love you, darling."

"Love you too, sweet cheeks." He gave in and let Steve cuddle him in a big bear hug.

Tony was so, so happy. This is what he'd always wanted. Someone who cared, who loved him back, who could make him laugh, who made him feel like the most special guy in the world. And damn, that smile. He'd never grow tired of seeing that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so bittersweet to be finishing this up. I'll definitely be writing a new fic soon. If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


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